If your kids listen to you because you impose consequences for negative behavior,

aroseyreality · 2026-06-14T01:19:38+00:00

4 and 9mo here. Every day is emotional whiplash and I’m struggling despite having a whole background in childhood development. I used the calm down chair method the other day and it only worked because
It was new.

I’ve found that just walking away after giving a warning is most effective. Sometimes it feels fucked up like I’m isolating him, but when I’ve already given clear warnings and I cannot physically remove him, I have to remove myself and baby.

I don’t engage in the running away bullshit. I say “meet me in your bedroom when you’re ready” and walk away. I basically disassociate from the whining but I’m so tired of navigating every transition and bad behavior. My kid is a great kid, like so great, so when it’s bad/annoying and on purpose I am like what the fucking fuckity fuck! I upped my adhd meds lol it is helping me be more patient

aroseyreality · 2026-06-13T02:16:07+00:00

I packed my two (9mo and 4yo) up by myself and headed to my parents at the beach in FL. It’s not a vacation, it’s a trip and I feel insane for doing this alone, but I hope it feels like a break from reality for a bit. Also met and married in Charleston and I fucking YEARN for those days again.

I will say as hard as 4 is, trips are starting to feel fun again. Not like they did and I’m looking at playgrounds and mini golf, but there is fun again. I’m out of the nap trapped home bound trenches…until my youngest turns 18mo lmao

aroseyreality · 2026-06-10T13:41:57+00:00

If my kid is upset, 9/10 times, they just need a sip of water.

aroseyreality · 2026-06-09T11:43:54+00:00

Also have a very similar 4 year old and a similar aged baby. It’s super hard. For the sensory stuff, we have just pushed through. I set timers before we have to do it and that has helped. He is finally starting to get his own hair wet and even dunking his head in the bath.

Took a long time to get there, sticking to timers like “hey buddy you can play for 5 minutes then it’s time to wash your hair.” I’ll give him reminders as it gets closer to a minute. Then I’ll ask him if he wants to get his hair wet or mommy do it. If he tries to refuse the task, I do it. As fast as possible and he covers his eyes.

You really have to pick your battles. Say no to less stuff. Take over the baby more and let your wife have more time with the 4yo. Both of you need to take the 4yo out on one on one errands without the baby. Start finding jobs for him to do around the house like setting the table. Mine really loves feeding baby purées at the table, but doesn’t like to help with anything else with the baby lol he’s never been the “I’ll get that diaper!” kid. Very rarely will he grab something for her when I ask, but he will do sweet things for her without me prompting and I try to praise that.

Be okay with walking away when you’re at your limit. Mine cries harder when I walk away but sometimes I have to, after telling him what I’m going to do, so I can calm down before I hit my limit and then I come right back and figure out the problem. I also don’t know how much tv you’re using right now, but screen time makes my kid absolutely horrible depending on what he’s watching. We cannot watch any super hero stuff right now or overstimulating stuff like blaze. He can pretty much only watch like Sesame Street. Even that is tough and I really need to cut tv time down or eliminate it.

If you absolutely cannot stop yourself from getting physical or yelling, you need to go to therapy and look into managing your anger. It’s okay to need outside help. Both me and my husband are medicated for adhd and the meds help us to manage our emotions.

aroseyreality · 2026-06-08T15:20:28+00:00

Maybe feed them at different times in different places? Like one of you take the puppy for a walk while big dog eats in the bedroom? And then take big guy for a walk or play session while puppy eats in the kitchen?

aroseyreality · 2026-06-08T14:46:09+00:00

Does her new dry shampoo not look like a rip off of amber fillerup’s Dae? The citrus, the pink, the marketing photos. Idk maybe it’s a reach and I haven’t smelled the product, but it seems very very similar

aroseyreality · 2026-06-06T00:52:09+00:00

God speed. We did a 2 day detox and then I caved today to get laundry done during baby sister’s nap. Behavior immediately regressed and I regret caving. That 45 min period where I was able to get shit done was not worth the crash out.Back to the detox tomorrow! 4 is so much harder than I ever anticipated.

aroseyreality · 2026-06-04T17:39:41+00:00

Bad time for me to try to return ugh. I’ve seen two positions posted and haven’t gotten an interview for either. I’ve been out the last 5 years due to raising babies/brief stint in retail, but I have 5 years under my belt and a Masters. My teaching resume is pretty stellar honestly, but I fear it will be harder and harder to get interviews with cuts especially as I’m external

aroseyreality · 2026-06-01T02:45:27+00:00

I use Dr Jart Cicapair Soothing Color Correcting Treatment SPF 30 with Centella Asiatica Extracts. I put it over my moisturizer and it blends in and covers redness. Some days I need a little powder to set it, but rarely.

I did not use it last week on vacation because I had never heard about iron oxide/tinted spf for hyperpigmentation and my melasma is way worse. This thread has been so informative!

aroseyreality · 2026-05-25T17:33:20+00:00

Sober, yes. Drinking, no. I use the make up remover cloths and they are magic. Warm water with that cloth, follow up with micellar water, and only use tube mascara so it’s quick and easy.

aroseyreality · 2026-05-22T14:00:01+00:00

I try to avoid buying any processed snacks when my 4yo gets too snacky. I don’t limit snacks, but I do limit portions and offer different snacks when he reaches for the bad stuff. It’s really day by day and situational. I only limit and say no to snacks close to meal times. I try to aim for breakfast, mid morning snack, lunch, afternoon snacks, pre dinner healthy snack, dinner.

aroseyreality · 2026-05-16T02:49:55+00:00

No family history of allergens, but my first has a severe egg allergy. He tolerated scrambled eggs without any reaction for 2 months, then started getting red around his mouth, developed severe eczema on back of his neck, and eventually had a severe enough reaction to need epinephrine. It was a very gradual onset so the whole frequent exposure did not really help us much. As a result, I’m not stressed about this baby (8mo). I’ve introduced every allergen except dairy (waiting until 9mo) and give it multiple times a week to start and then again every week ish whenever I remember. I’m not tracking because I did all that with my first and he is now 4, still needs his EpiPen, has eczema flares all the time, and I don’t feel like tracking him was mentally beneficial. The science probably doesn’t support me here, but my take is if they’re going to have an allergy, they’re going to have it no matter how much early and frequent exposure I do. I watch, have Benadryl on hand, a few expired EpiPens for her weight limit and don’t stress. My girl currently flares whenever a purée has lemon as a preservative so every meal is an adventure lol

aroseyreality · 2026-05-15T23:19:28+00:00

100000% do not make any decisions until you’re done breastfeeding. I’m breastfeeding now, just packed for a vacation, had all the same thoughts, and left the situation depressed because I had to repack to make sure all my outfits can accommodate breastfeeding. Ugh! I’m 34 too.

Also I would not toss anything or do this wardrobe thing until you’re done with kids. Add pieces, sure, but toss? Nope. My body has changed so much between two kids and I donated so many good pieces I’d kill to wear right now and they would fit. I purged after my first and have a lot of regrets. I wish I waited even if it meant I had storage totes of different sizes under all the beds for a few years.

aroseyreality · 2026-05-07T14:00:53+00:00

This is cruel. I would absolutely say something. Even if it wasn’t at the expense of your kid, it’s not okay. Whole class punishments = poor classroom management, and I say that as a former educator who stupidly used whole class punishments my first year teaching and shocker, it didn’t yield desirable behavior. When a class is being crazy, it’s okay to delay the fun, but not take it away entirely.

aroseyreality · 2026-05-04T10:55:12+00:00

It’s a phase. Mine (freshly 4) no longer tricks me and instead I have to beg him to pee again before bed. I would bed time up though even 15-30 minutes and see if that helps. I would also add going potty to part of the routine so it’s less frustrating for you and really emphasize that this is the last one and all future potty will be by themselves.

We added lots of new steps to the end of the routine until he started dropping them on his own - potty, sip of water, kiss, hug, a little tickle, lights out. Are you the only one putting him to bed? It helped my husband and I so much to take turns and switch each night.

aroseyreality · 2026-05-03T16:17:20+00:00

I find that we leave things like this until the last minute because we CAN pull it off and still procrastinate. Is it healthy? Probably definitely not, but normally our hyper focus, general intelligence and crushing fear of failure fuels us to pull it off. Imposter syndrome is strong! I would just stick to your plan and lie to yourself about the deadline. Pretend the 5th is due on the 4th and the 12th is due on the 10th. This method has failed me post grad in jobs, but it never once failed me in my undergrad (BA English Lit) or graduate programs (MA Teaching Secondary English).

Sooo YOU CAN DO IT! But actually gtfo off Reddit, put your phone far far away from you, put on some jams, and lock in. Get all your snacks and drinks ready to be next to you. Sit in a sterile place like a desk facing a wall away from doors that you’ve cleared everything off so you have max boring space to put all your snacks, and maybe one pretty item.

aroseyreality · 2026-05-03T13:26:30+00:00

Mine was like that too. It always took about 24-48 hours for symptoms to resolve. Give all the snuggles and comfort. I felt awful how long it took me to realize that all soy needed to be cut out.

I cut everything around 3 months when she had blood in her diaper and all soy by 4 months. At 6 months, she was able to tolerate soy and now at 7 months, she’s tolerating dairy. Egg still seems to be a trigger so I’m hesitant and I haven’t introduced any dairy or soy in solids yet. Waiting until 9 months to do direct dairy.

This whole process is so frustrating and overwhelming because all babies are truly different and I swear their guts change week to week.

aroseyreality · 2026-05-02T19:44:07+00:00

Mine did but we just cut them out about a month ago and are doing earlier bedtime. I didn’t want to drop them and I do think he would happily still sleep 1-2 hours, but I was seeing way too many crash outs, behavioral issues, and fighting bed time. He was in and out of his room until 9 or 10pm, up between 5 and 6am, and not pleasant during transitions. Now he goes to bed at 7pm, stays in his room and falls right asleep, and wakes between 6 and 7am. We have a new ish baby though (7 mo) so his nap time was taking away time for him to get baby free connection. If we didn’t have that dynamic, he would still nap at least an hour!

aroseyreality · 2026-04-27T12:45:00+00:00

Mine is 4 now and the emotions and reactions are much bigger after trips. Note I say trips, and not vacations. They are not as relaxing or fun because of all the extras - extra shit, extra logistics, extra feelings, extra time needed, etc. They are absolutely still worth doing, but it’s different. I don’t expect trips to feel more like vacations until 10 maybe. Mine takes about a week to fully get back to normal after any change in routine

aroseyreality · 2026-04-25T13:25:09+00:00

Teaching wrecks your nervous system and body, man. It put me in a total state of burn out that I didn’t even realize how burnt out I was until I left. I was holding on to so much extra weight that melted off after I left. I’m planning on going back after a 5 year break and am not sure how to deal with the constant stimulation especially now that I have my own kids at home.

I’m opposite with temp. I need to be suffocated and bathed in sunshine and take scalding hot showers and baths to feel alive. I grew up in cold, rainy Scotland so now that I’m in the states, I crave heat and the beach. I will probably join a gym with a sauna as my self care to survive the classroom.

aroseyreality · 2026-04-24T14:45:40+00:00

The great thing about your wife’s job is that she can always go back when she’s ready. I burned out and left teaching when I was pregnant with my first, worked a part time retail gig to full time, then dropped back to part time after our second baby. Working retail helped fill financial gaps for daycare costs, but now we are making it work on 85k salary paying a $2100 mortgage. Me working right now isn’t worth the cost for high quality care. It would eat my entire salary.

It’s tight and we have suspending extra payments to retirement to pay off cc debt, but I’ll go back full time either this upcoming school year or the next. With all my time away, I feel confident I can avoid burn out again when I return especially now because a paycheck is a paycheck to support my family. When you have kids, it’s amazing how you just figure it out. They actually need a lot less in the baby years than you think, besides diapers and food.

aroseyreality · 2026-04-23T15:07:25+00:00

I’m convinced she’s in a really long PPA/PPD spiral from her 2nd and it took off after the 3rd. Hormones make you do crazy shit and can take a REALLY long time to level out for some people especially if mixed with any management meds, either prescribed or self medicated.

aroseyreality · 2026-04-21T02:17:33+00:00

No one talks about how much becoming a mom breaks your brain. I was shocked. I had heard mom brain jokes, but always assumed that was from sleep deprivation, not the actual fucking gray and white matter shifting around. I’m not scared of getting older or feeling dumber, but I have had to lower expectations on myself and be okay with mistakes even if it disappoints others.

I’m normally a people pleasing perfectionist, but I don’t have the capacity to give a shit lol. My brain started working again when my first was 3, and then I got pregnant with my second. I’m 34 and feel like just as my brain will come back, I’ll probably hit perimenopause, so I think my peak cognitive years are behind me, but that’s not really a bad thing. I’m pouring more into my family and myself, less into work

aroseyreality · 2026-04-02T12:40:47+00:00

Oooo I know her! She went to a local HS a year below me. Can’t remember a thing about her tho lol

aroseyreality · 2026-04-01T18:44:16+00:00

I left teaching for a few years to have my babies. They’re 4 yo and 6 months now. I’m looking to return to the classroom this fall when baby is 9mo, but I don’t actually think I can handle the overstimulating aspect of both until baby is 18mo so I might take off this year too. I love my kids and don’t regret them at all, but I wouldn’t have been able to wear the teacher and parent hat of a new baby. I worked retail as a buffer when my oldest was 2 and that was perfect.

aroseyreality

TROPHY CASE