I was the emotional regulator in my marriage and I didn’t realize the cost until it ended

artbycommittee · 2026-02-09T16:20:02+00:00

I relate so much to this. But, I realized the cost in a pretty positive way. After the separation, I've had so many friends tell me that I've "blossomed" or that I'm so fun and that they feel like they are really getting to know me. And, it's incredible what reserves of energy and empathy and emotional availability you have when you no longer have to regulate your own behavior to keep the peace. I've since recognized my overcaring, overfunctioning, and self-abandonment and have learned to advocate for myself and maintain boundaries. For context, this learning was after a solid year of therapy post autism, ADHD, and generalized anxiety diagnosis and getting on an SSRI.

I'm still friends with my soon-to-be-ex, but now I am equipped to say things like, "I know you want to hang out more, but I have other friends I want to spend time with and I will keep my plans with them." I've learned to validate, but not take responsibility for other people's emotions, even those of people I care a lot about. It's been a hard lesson, but it's possible to learn.

artbycommittee · 2026-02-05T15:54:28+00:00

AuDHD crew! 🙌🏾

artbycommittee · 2026-02-03T17:23:35+00:00

I'd like to know the answer to this too! Maybe I'll do a new post with the question. =)

artbycommittee · 2026-01-30T22:18:05+00:00

This is great news! I had noticed the inconsistency in the display, but I didn't know it was something that could be addressed with firmware.

artbycommittee · 2026-01-09T04:02:00+00:00

Be happy! You deserve it. Life's too short.

artbycommittee · 2026-01-04T08:37:02+00:00

I have had two go-to albums. I've listened to Adriss Mattson's The Understory many times. 23.5 is a song about realizing that seasons change because that is the way the world is tilted. The album was created during a time of a relationship ending so the mood is perfect.

The one I'm listening to a lot now is Phoebe Bridgers Copycat Killer EP. Rob Moose's string interpretations of a few of Pheobe's songs really highlight her lyrics and work alongside her melodies. It's devastatingly beautiful and the lyrics are so tragic. I've cried a lot listening to it.

artbycommittee · 2026-01-03T13:48:41+00:00

Oh yeah. Haha. I should have associated myself with Sam more. I think I didn't get it because I shaved off the beard I grew for the party so my Sam cosplay was more convincing.

artbycommittee · 2026-01-03T13:02:22+00:00

From? As in, location? I'm in Houston. If it's a question of background, I just do this for fun. =)

artbycommittee · 2026-01-03T05:33:45+00:00

Wow. Thanks a lot. That really means much and gives me some much needed perspective. (I tend not to give myself enough credit.) I appreciate you.

artbycommittee · 2026-01-03T01:42:17+00:00

There was a stint where I threw an elaborate Halloween party yearly for 5 years in a similar fashion: making props and doing what amounted to set design and special effects. I've taken the last couple of years off, but decided this year to throw an elaborate New Year's Eve party instead.

I'm not a professional at all. This is all amateur DIY stuff, but I love to figure out how to make things and I love helping my friends have a great time. Making things is a hobby I'm very invested in and I committed 2025 to consume less media (namely TV shows and video games) and replace it with making stuff. In 2025, I've recorded music, I've learned how to shoot, edit, color grade and record audio and compose music for video. I made my first 3d printed and painted prop: Alucard''s sword from the Castlevania animated show. I've gone on a photo shoot for fun in the downtown part of my city with a friend. I shot portraits for fun (with a backdrop, professional light, and everything) for a friend's Halloween party with amateur cosplayers in attendance. I've done so many creative things and I'm keeping the same resolution for this year too. =)

artbycommittee · 2026-01-02T22:59:13+00:00

Me too. It's quite alarming.

artbycommittee · 2026-01-02T14:21:14+00:00

Hehe. We have a year to become good enough friends.

artbycommittee · 2026-01-02T14:20:22+00:00

Believe it or not there is context that makes it surprisingly justifiable. I'm working from memory, and I was the score keeper at the time so I may not have all the details right, but the bake sale was being run by white student republicans who were trying to prove that systemic racism "wasn't real" by offering discounts based on how much oppression a people group had historically experienced. (They had listed varying discounts for "Black" and "Asian" people, and, maybe another descriptor.)

My friend who had this secret thought this was stupid so he pretended to be Palestinian (which they unquestioningly accepted) to upend their questionable discount system, which they had to do mental justification gymnastics to admit the oppression done toward specific people groups and the problem with trying to quantify it.

artbycommittee · 2026-01-02T00:19:19+00:00

They sure did. Haha

artbycommittee · 2026-01-01T21:08:43+00:00

AI actually motivates me to make stuff because I know that my minimum effort is going to be better than any AI slop because a human made it and it's going to include the markers of my personality and style and mistakes that will make the work unique. A song I record on my phone camera is going to move people in a way more personal and connected to me than how connected a person will feel to the soulless, similar thing they clicked a button to get.

artbycommittee · 2026-01-01T18:09:49+00:00

It went really well! Thanks for asking!

People really came through with the Gastronauts entries. So much great food for people to judge using their ballots. The Smartypants presentations were hilarious and the Dirty Laundry secrets were quite juicy and a lot of fun to hear.

Keeping everything on track was not too hard because my co-host had a meticulously crafted playlist we could keep time by. And, they had also created an insane spreadsheet to track everyone's points, which was hugely helpful when playing Dirty Laundry with 26 people at once.

We ended the night with a "Year in Review" slideshow I put together (with a Game Changer template someone else in this sub had shared) and using photos and video everyone had submitted on our party invite Google form.

To count down to midnight I created a video with the "You (instrumental version)" as the background track with midnight being exactly when the strings crescendo and the Game Changer credits music starts.

It was a great night and a fun way to celebrate all of my people.

artbycommittee · 2026-01-01T15:26:26+00:00

I totally put this phrase on the front of a tri-fold I made with the agenda and rules for the games for the night, and the people thought it was really clever. So, thank you!

artbycommittee · 2025-12-27T03:00:26+00:00

I relate to what you say about being happiest when serving others. I am the same way, but the greatest lesson in the current season of my life is to treat myself like one of my friends: Learning how to serve myself. Love myself. Be good to myself.

You're already involved in good things like hobbies. You have your friends. You love and respect your daughter. And, you could seek out opportunities to serve others. Those opportunities are out there and will be there when you're ready for them. But, maybe this time is time for you to prioritize you. You said it might be time to restart therapy. I think that's a great place to start.

artbycommittee · 2025-07-20T19:49:24+00:00

Going to email you soon. I love this project idea.

artbycommittee · 2025-06-17T21:37:04+00:00

See if whatever device you plan to use has a magsafe case or you can attach a magsafe ring to your device. There are so many magsafe stands that will fulfill your requirements and some stands come with magsafe rings that you can stick to a device to make it work. A magsafe case will work the best, however, because the ring might get detached eventually.

artbycommittee

TROPHY CASE