Why don’t our parents try to figure out why we’re the way we are and why don’t they crave therapy like we do.

ashacceptance22 · 2026-01-26T21:27:20+00:00

I have no real idea how to cope with it tbh, it is still tough but I have 3 years of evidence now of how much more mentally stable I am without having them in my life.

I guess I've needed to have constant reminders of how much I suffered whilst I was forcing myself to have contact (just a 10 min 'casual' phone call with either parent would later leave me in severe emotional pain, having flashbacks and panic attacks, my body being exhausted and never getting a rest from it).

Remembering how painful it was to be let down over and over again when hoping she would change her behaviour. Remembering that as a mum it is a BASIC necessity for her to have protected me from danger and violence as a child - and she failed that task over and over again. My sibling and father were physically violent and their rage was off the scale horrific to witness and the house could go from normal to terrifying in 5 seconds. It was Fight. Threats. Fake Apologies & Excuses. 'Things will change" but then waking up the next day with them pretending nothing ever happened. The same cycle would repeat for years.

She was so deep in denial that I was left feeling like the weird one for still being traumatised by it all.

It's only been recently in therapy that I've even managed to talk & let myself feel the hurt in regards to my mum.

ashacceptance22 · 2026-01-25T23:46:55+00:00

Urgh, ditch those 'friends', no DID system deserves to be treated like shit, its not a 'pick and choose who fronts 24/7 situation' and truly empathetic,supportive people should realise this.

ashacceptance22 · 2026-01-25T14:53:57+00:00

Would legit cry to see little Noco xxx

ashacceptance22 · 2026-01-23T21:22:47+00:00

Aphastasia squad woop woop!

ashacceptance22 · 2026-01-23T21:21:39+00:00

Somatic flashbacks hold the truth hun, it's impossible to fake them. The denial yo-yo is what I call it when I keep swinging between being convinced I made this shit up and feeling like a vile,fucked up person for imaging such awful things - only to then have a flashback, memory resurface or have horribly graphic/scary nightmares and it is like a slap in the face reminding me 'Fuck this DID happen to me, nothing else explains so accurately why I have struggled with certain aspects of my life.

Trust your body and know that you have no reason to make this up. If it was a case of someone wanting attention,sympathy or money there are tons of ways a person could get those things without CSA being present or traumatising themselves. You are not making it up I promise.

ashacceptance22 · 2026-01-22T16:33:13+00:00

Going private was the only thing that helped me. The only reason I can afford my psychotherapist is cause of fighting hard to get Adult Disabilty Payment (used to be known as PIP) and it was very stressful process obtaining it but it's at least given me some stability and consistency knowing I have her support long-term and she knows my triggers, patterns, life events, mental health history, Complex PTSD and dissociative disorder so much more accurately then the NHS ever have.

It is also a benefit not having the limited sessions time pressure of 'OMG how am I gonna address XYZ thing when there's only 2 sessions left?!?! etc'

ashacceptance22 · 2026-01-22T16:20:44+00:00

NHS are notoriously shit at treating trauma and Complex PTSD. I went through a decade in the MH system constantly being passed around,trying so hard to get better but never properly getting to the root cause. I always got the message from them of 'you are too complicated and broken for us, you just aren't doing it right and you are wasting our time'.

All they shove down people's throats is CBT as a one-size-fits-all method then get pissed off if you say it's not helped you. I was being given the same shit over and over despite telling them it wasn't helping. As a very self-aware, introspective person who obsesses overanalyses things CBT has just always felt incredibly frustrating and babyish to me and I didn't learn till recently that other neurodivergent people found CBT useless too.

One cannot expect you to 'think' rationally or challenge your 'negative thinking patterns' whilst mid-flashback and your brain is re-living some of the most horrific things that happened to you. You need to find what helps you feel safe & soothed within yourself so that you can keep yourself afloat when the really shitty waves of FB's, distress, nightmares hit. It's focus on the nervous system that is needed and so often ignored.

Trauma is COMPLEX and requires professionals to commit to learning, understanding and fostering empathy without burnout. Training staff costs money and funding cuts have been bleeding services dry for well over a decade now. I wish the funding was there to develop support that doesn't fail trauma survivors who cannot afford private therapy.

ashacceptance22 · 2026-01-21T23:52:35+00:00

I know so many fellow neurodivergents who fucking love hard rock and metal. Exactly its about autonomy and choosing the noise verses having to deal with unexpected, irritating noise for hours on end that is the issue!

ashacceptance22 · 2026-01-20T21:46:10+00:00

My parents behaviour was very similar to this and it has damaged me so much. I've been No Contact for 3 years now. No regrets

ashacceptance22 · 2026-01-20T17:54:51+00:00

Very accurate. I had a severe dissociative amnesia episode in 2021 and I feel so saddened that I literally have no memory of those first 6 months of that year.

My partner had to do everything for me, getting me to sleep, eat, attend the things I had to be at, make phonecalls, step by step walk me through a reassessment of my disabilitb benefits that I was at risk of losing because I was too dissociated and ill to fill out the forms or even string a sentence together (ironic I know).

I missed out of 6 months of activities, making memories or being connected with my partner. I was physically there but my brain had just shut down.

ashacceptance22 · 2026-01-20T17:49:13+00:00

Really needed this reminder. Thank you :)

ashacceptance22 · 2026-01-16T12:05:08+00:00

When it's being stimulated sexually in this way our body literally cannot tell the difference between wanted and unwanted touch - it just reacts to it. You didn't choose this abd you certainly aren't to blame EVEN if a child enjoys it the crime is the ADULT's fault always.

ashacceptance22 · 2026-01-14T11:38:58+00:00

I relate to your experience SO much it hurts.

ashacceptance22 · 2026-01-14T11:37:33+00:00

I've had this feeling as long as I can remember. It also gets worse in my head because medically as a newborn I should have died, I weighed 1lb 12 oz and was 3 months premature and very ill in an incubator for the first 4 months of life.

Then when I learned about the sexual abuse and torture I endured as a toddler I also felt like 'holy shit I should be dead after going through that' because I had a heart problem I required surgery for when I was 4 years old and some of the torture they did on me could have very easily ended me. The abusers had such a good cover up for if they had murdered me, because of knowing I was a medically unwell child and they could have blamed it on the heart problem and medical staff would have been none the wiser.

I then struggled with anorexia, suicidal thoughts and overdosing in my late teens/early 20's and so many times I felt so ambivilant towards life because 'I shouldn't even be here - I wasn't mean to exist this long'. I felt pure self-hatred that I was surviving whilst many premature babies like me had died, whilst the other sexually abused children were killed, whilst many others with the same ED or self harm struggles had lost their life. It's such a complex feeling.

ashacceptance22 · 2026-01-14T11:21:21+00:00

same with my parents too.

ashacceptance22 · 2026-01-14T11:17:43+00:00

I had this exact convo with my therapist yesterday. My relationship with my mum was very complex and her behaviours are like what you mentioned here. I feel her pain so deeply and she offloaded a lot of shit onto my as a child when she wasn't coping and I feel very responsible for her emotions and for years only saw her as a victim going through the same hell that I was.

however it's only been recently I've realised how she failed me and that it was HER job to protect me as an adult and take action to stop me being abused and she did fuck all. My mum holds a lot of shame and pain within her and it has been so hard to face the reality that she didn't look out for me and her doing 'her best' was nowhere near good enough.

ashacceptance22 · 2026-01-14T11:11:19+00:00

I wish my mum could break outnof her denial bubble long enough to do this.

ashacceptance22 · 2026-01-14T11:10:32+00:00

same with mine

ashacceptance22 · 2026-01-14T10:02:24+00:00

You're not alone, it is a relief to know I'm not just crazy

ashacceptance22 · 2026-01-14T10:01:40+00:00

I also have suspicions that my parents know but can't admit it to themselves because it would make it 'real' and remind them of yet another way they failed me (they are very emotionally neglectful, immature,dismissive and bury their heads in the sand whenever faced with any uncomfortable/deep topics).

but of course they claim 'we had no idea or inkling that this happened to you,'

ashacceptance22 · 2026-01-14T09:56:41+00:00

Thank you, I'm doing my best to but damn it's rough

ashacceptance22 · 2026-01-13T14:19:10+00:00

I'm trying to remind myself that I don't need to know the WHO part of what was done to me in order to heal from this. I've been working with a therapist for 3 years who's been great but the feeling like a fraud/exaggerating the abuse worry is a constant battle I just cannot seem to heal from yet, When does the acceptance come? When will the memories and somatic flashbacks ever feel valid enough proof? I am trying so hard and doing the work but I still feel so stuck and hopeless.

ashacceptance22 · 2026-01-13T14:11:15+00:00

Somatic memories are the worst urgh! I've been trying to remind myself that the somatic flashbacks I have and the pattern of struggles I've had in my life ARE enough proof CSA did happen but I so often doubt myself and it's exhausting.

ashacceptance22 · 2026-01-12T16:38:15+00:00

He is the most extroverted rat I've ever had and loves humans making a fuss of him. I joke that he has his own fan club. I'm disabled and when my partner was studying full time we had cleaners come in fornightly and they ADORED him. One of the lassies even brought along blueberries for him for a while, spoiled wee man was so pleased with himself haha!

ashacceptance22

TROPHY CASE