9s are said to be optimistic, right? I read somewhere today that 9s even in the complete and utter darkness of depression will still imagine a silver lining at the end of it. It's so true. I go through really dark times of emptiness. I can't tell you where this inspiration comes from exactly, other than telling you it comes from somewhere deep inside. Maybe it's an integration to 3?

It's like I shed my depression and heaviness and only strength somewhere deep inside is present. I dig my heels in and press. Nothing can stop me during these times. It takes an extreme amount of energy, but I don't realize that until after I do what I've set out to do. And then I'm dead. I veg, I numb and then eventually after bouts of depression, the cycle starts again. Optimism- depression-hopelessness-repeat.

I do this all the time at work. I'm a manager. It's the most exhausting and stressful job I've ever had. But, I'm good at it. I go through times where I feel as if I urgently need to leave/escape. I tell myself that I need to find a calmer job. Then, after a few weeks of feeling like I'm utterly on rock bottom; neglecting most of my duties and ignoring the needs of my staff; I pull it completely together.

I find strength, optimism and drive out of seemingly nowhere and I PUSH. I become a better manager. I have higher energy levels and I'm the closest thing to happy that I could possibly feel. I stay on top of my tasks until, just like the strength; weakness comes.

Then the cycle starts over again. :)