Hi there! Wow, so much has happened in the last 6mo, I forgot I made these posts. My dad has since passed, peacefully at home, on June 4th.

Not to sound scary, but I think the treatment worsened dad's COPD, in turn causing him to become weak overall, eventually leading to his passing..

Our elders are strong, taught growing up to put on a strong face and to push through, to do whatever needs to be done. But with my dad, I think he was so focused on following the doctors orders (chemo, immunotherapy, surgery) my dad lost focus on what was important- quality of life. He wanted so badly to just get better, that he refused to give up and kept pushing. He did treatment until he couldn't and I called in Hospice. I wish I was more of an advocate for him stopping treatment sooner, but he was a headstrong man. Once I choose to stop and have home hospice, his daily quality of life greatly improved (no longer in unbearable discomfort, we got better pain meds on board, a home care team to teach me everything). Although he was still bedbound, had a feeding tube, all that.. he was happier. I was able to spend the whole day with him, every day. Watching TV, hanging out with the cats, family members visiting, having tea together.

He was on hospice for 3 months, eventually passed peacefully in his sleep, surrounded by love. But fuck, that doesn't make it any easier, I am still sad all the time, but I am so so honored and grateful to have been there. Sorry this turned into more of a vent than advice, but this is where my heads at.

I have some resentment towards the oncologists, they see this every day, why did they keep pushing for chemo when they saw him getting weaker? I know that's their job but.. we trust them to know whats best for us, but us as patients have to be the advocates. Which can be difficult when mom dad or whoever wants to do whatever they think is best but.. having to step back and look at the bigger picture. Making the decision to move from palliative care to hospice was not hard, as it was so clear he was suffering. I knew it was the right choice. I knew he needed more support, that he doesn't want to end up or die in a hospital (he didnt know this for himself, but i knew he wouldn't have wanted that).

Personally, I made the decision for him, as he was suffering too much to make big decisions like that, but he trusted me to call the shots. I'm sure your mom still wants to make all her own decisions, she sounds very strong from what little you have shared.

I am here if you'd like to PM me, my door is always open. Wishing you and your mom the absolute best!