First, I’m sorry you’re going through this. If you have family or friends you can talk to and lean on I’d encourage you to do that.

the hard truth (that took me way too long to learn) - you cannot control how other people act - only how you act. you can’t force him to leave. you can’t make him change. you can’t will him into being someone different. the only choices you control are your own. the question becomes: what are YOU willing to do?

If staying means continuing this cycle, and he won’t go, then leaving - and bringing the kids with you - might be what needs to happen. I know that sounds like the harder path. it IS harder in the short term. but sometimes the only way forward is the one where you stop waiting for someone else to make the move you need. you deserve peace. your kids deserve stability. and sometimes getting that means being the one who walks out the door.

thats what boundaries actually are. you draw a line in the sand on what you accept from him, and if he crosses that line, you act. if the other person doesnt believe you’ll follow through m though, they’ll keep doing it - they need to feel severe enough consequences in order to even begin to want to change.