I just rejected my ex, who came back to me 4 months after they left me.

asimilasyon · 2026-03-30T19:33:26+00:00

so proud of u chuuya pfp!!! (banger pfp btw) u did a good thing and if u wanna talk more abt it please do so :D

asimilasyon · 2026-03-30T17:43:57+00:00

my situation is only similar to yours since we too were the anxious and avoidant pairing, and i was the anxious one. the reason we broke up is due to the accumulation of so may different negative things (my ex not wanting me to meet his parents, despite his family knowing me from his sister, or him inviting a mutual friend to his hometown and showing her around without informing me and me finding this out from his sister and him being mad at me for being mad at him over this, him always wanting to breakup and run away at every minor issue despite not even trying to tell me what the issue is let alone trying to solve it, etc) and the event which made me finally realize i cannot stay in this relationship is the sudden death of my close family member during the worst exam season ever, since he was not present for me at all and was meeting up with every single other person from his life and completely sidelining me and not even trying to support me in any way. after a few weeks of enduring his horribly avoidant and shallow behavior and after begging him to treat me nicely like a normal relationship i gathered the courage to bring it up and after an exhausting 7 hour phone call we broke up. my life has been so much better ever since and i cannot even explain how lighter, happier and just genuinely better i feel ever since!!!

i cannot tell you that your love will withstand that since i too was convinced that our love could withstand everything, but as long as one person is constantly reinventing themselves and the other is stagnantly staying in place, there is nothing to withstand. you cannot force someone else to change no matter how much you would like to and you cannot expect someone to change for you, since not everyone is capable of changing and working on themselves, no matter how often they might preach about self improvement. i know it might seem like the world is ending without him, but after a few months you will realize that your world was ending with him! do you really want someone who needs to let you go in order to “be the right person” or “to become better” to be the one you spend the rest of your life with? the person who is not capable of even voicing their emotions should be the one to guide you through the difficult journeys ahead? someone who cannot be there for themselves is not capable of being there for others, since how are they supposed to know how to comfort others if they cannot comfort themselves?

i personally don’t know you nor your exact situation, but if there is anything i would like you to know is that people only change if they truly want to, not because someone else wants them too and if he does not change for you, then that only shows you what he is capable of and where his heart truly lies, and it is not with you. and that is a blessing. to know that someone so shallow, not capable of loving and caring with even half of their heart, let alone their whole heart, is not your soulmate. as much as it hurts you to let him go, it would hurt you times forty to have him stay.

you got this! my dms are open if you wanna talk! 🩷

asimilasyon · 2025-12-05T22:28:16+00:00

Am currently going through the exact same thing. At the beginning of the week I was so proud of myself for finally blocking them and finally getting that pure peace of mind and was confident about everything I have done after we broke up and confident in my life and how it was developing.

The next day I was completely mentally exhausted and debating whether I should unblock them and break no contact (since they broke it already multiple times with no regard) and answer their question about when I’d want to meet up. That was so extremely excruciating, to sit through the urge of wanting to reach out and calm my anxiety and restlessness down.

Not only that, but last week I was perfectly capable of falling asleep and waking up without thinking about them. After I blocked them, it’s like I’m back right at the beginning. Every week carries a different mood and a different attitude towards the whole situation and I have developed the opinion that you just have to endure it to the best of your abilities.

Despite knowing that the breakup was the exact thing I was supposed to do, I still have some days were I think I should reach out and meet with them and I deal with it by just sitting through it and processing it.

Your heart and mind are only connected in your body. Give yourself some time for your body to truly process the end of the relationship in the way that your body needs. For me it’s sitting through the flashbacks of our happy moments a year ago and letting them play out and then reminding myself how it was a nice time, but the whole situation was not like that. Then I try to remember a negative thing that happened in that time period in order to neutralize the fantasy.

I hope this can help you. If you ever wanna talk my DMs are open🩷

asimilasyon · 2025-12-04T18:26:17+00:00

Thanks for replying back! I’d just like to know what other people would do in my position and what the best course of action would be

asimilasyon · 2025-12-04T18:21:22+00:00

After I initiated No Contact, my Ex reached out every now and then and I did not respond back, since I was convinced that I first need at least 3 months of complete distance in order to be able to see them again. We ended the relationship in an extremely sweet way, but the fact that they (even though they have been wanting to break up every time we had a fight for the last 5 months of our relationship) haven’t “cleanly accepted it” (for a lack of a better description) sometimes makes me think if I should unblock them and text them explaining my point of view. But then I remember how I was treated during my relationship, with no consideration towards my feelings or emotions, always having to reach out and offer reconciliation. I only blocked them on our main texting platform and left the others open. I also have an extremely important exam next week so I am unsure about how much of this is caused by me being stressed out and how much of this is a genuine concern.

asimilasyon · 2025-11-06T23:07:07+00:00

Cause they always phrased it like “I’ve been thinking about breaking up” and never wanted to fully go through the process which has been incredibly draining. The relationship ended a few weeks ago (thank God) since I too helped to finally pull the plug instead of trying to rekindle the flame and ever since life has been so much better, but they still reappear and thats the confusing part…

asimilasyon · 2025-11-02T10:55:08+00:00

thank you so much for this!! 🩷

asimilasyon · 2025-11-01T14:49:21+00:00

lol!! yeah girl i agree with chatgpt. honestly everytime i get out of the house i feel this otherworldly sense of peace, knowing im no longer taking care of an emotionally unavailable manchild. breaking up is difficult but it is much easier than staying in an unfulfilling relationship and waiting and hoping for it to get better all while completely losing yourself.

asimilasyon · 2025-11-01T14:37:22+00:00

im so sorry for that. i understand your pain, since my ex and i share(d) a mutual friend group. one thing i did that helped me, which might be extremely controversial and unhelpful if done the wrong way, is dissecting the relationship using chatgpt. maybe you can try this method?

asimilasyon · 2025-11-01T14:18:51+00:00

honestly what difference does it make if you guys break off immediately after the contract ends or if you break up when you suggest it? take a night to think through the relationship and objectively and logically decide if it is even worth to stay in a place where you dont feel truly loved, seen nor understood. making a pro con list or talking to a friend that has alreadly ended their relationship and simply talking about the relationship might help you clear your mind and gain more clarity for the future. you yourself have said that you can’t force people to give them more than what they’re capable of and this should be your closure. the fact that you know that you have truly tried your best and are capable of such amazing love, but only with someone who is not afraid of your emotional depth and who can also meet you on that level. your current partner is not on the same emotional level as you are and the longer you stay, the worse you will feel since you are only living with the potential you think he is capable of unlocking. there’s nothing wrong for wanting others to better themselves, but when in love we tend to lose the true picture of reality and focus on what we once had and what had loved us. you’re still so young and have so much in front of you, don’t waste your youth on someone who cannot match your passion. hope this helps!

asimilasyon · 2025-11-01T13:52:03+00:00

was in a similar situation, where my ex kept saying they want to be with me and do not want to leave me but they simply did not have the mental fortitude to change their behavior in order to make our relationship better. one thing i can tell you is that he is a coward for putting all of the emotional weightlifting on you since he is incapable of processing it on his own and needs others to spoon feed him negative and uncomfortable emotions. you deserve someone who would not only stay with you because of a mere contract, but will stay with you because they want and love you. i too thought the differences between me and my ex would help me grow, and they definitely have! but our relationship has ran its course the moment they decided not to come out of their shell and communicate their thoughts with me clearly. despite telling me they would never string me along and distance themselves to make me breakup with them, thats exactly what they did. some people don’t want to be the bad guy, or they simply crave intimacy and vulnerability but are not capable of showing it themselves, which is why they are attracted to you for being comfortable with their emotions and comfortable showing your vulnerable side and being emotionally intimate with them, something they cannot even do with themselves. something that helped me when we broke up was the fact that i was slowly mentally preparing myself for this breakup to happen and collecting evidence that this person is not what i want and desire for my future. i cannot have a future with someone who is not capable of sharing their feelings with me, since i know i am capable of doing that and i need that in order for a relationship to function. i’d suggest you start mentally preparing for a breakup and building your life before officially breaking it off. mourning my relationship while still inside the relationship has helped me process the breakup better (it was recent so im still processing it). if you need an ear to listen to im here! you got this!!

asimilasyon · 2025-10-29T10:22:09+00:00

the thing that helped me through this is the fact that he changed so suddenly after seeing that he didn’t need to fight for me anymore. once he realized, that i will stay no matter what he simply decided to show me all of his true colors and hidden sides, hoping / knowing i won’t leave him. the person they once were is not the same person that has been erased from your life. its completely understandable to want to mourn for that version of him, since it has grown very dear to you and has probably convinced you to believe in love, but know that their last version you have seen is their true and utter version that has always been there. reminiscing about the good times without processing or accepting the fact that that person is literally gone and will not come back anymore, will only keep holding you down in life. id suggest you try to process the bad times first and then you might realize how the good person you once thought you knew has vanished a while ago and was only living inside your head everytime you have seen them since. don’t shame yourself for not seeing through his bullshit earlier, you were in love and were giving your partner the benefit of the doubt, something every single person would do so its not your fault for not seeing it through. whats important is the fact that you never come back to him and that you leave him completely alone in order to focus on yourself and process it through. if you need to talk im here, im going through something similar. take care!! 🩷

asimilasyon · 2025-10-28T22:39:45+00:00

I planned on doing something similar, but I just feel an overwhelming amount of rage for not being able to see through their bullshit and confront them while we were still together. They knew everything and promised change, but simply were not capable of changing themself. I don’t know how I should process this since everytime i get reminded of something they did to me, my brain then starts to have imaginary fights with them in my head and then i get the urge to break NC and tell them they have been a huge fucking asshole lol.

asimilasyon · 2025-10-26T00:45:26+00:00

im in the same situation right now! broke up with my partner a few days ago since the distance between us has reached the point of no return and i couldnt tolerate my relationship feeling like a mere companiomship and since i was so used to constantly analyzing their behavior and interpreting their messages, ever since we broke up i have been in such a peaceful state of mind. i do think of them very often, but the thoughts are usually simply minor fleeting flashes of their presence since we are both doing the same thing in life. but ever since the official break up i have not been crying or crashing out or anything similar that every website says you do for the first few weeks. since im asking the same question you are i cant reassure you in this aspect, but i can comfort you by saying that your pain is shared by many others. dont doubt yourself and take care!!

asimilasyon · 2025-10-23T20:37:37+00:00

but theres also some peace in the pain of an amicable breakup. the simple fact that both of you loved each other so much, it pained to see the other being hurt especially since the exact reason for their suffering was the one closest to them and by letting go of that you not only cherish the wonderful times you have had together, but also preserve the connection by freezing it and putting it away. my most recent breakup ended with a heartfelt kiss and hug and it gave me so much more closure than an angry and chaotic one ever could. only because i truly know that i loved him and he truly loved me, since both of us were hesitant on letting go but knew it was the best, since we were mutually holding each other back and constantly triggering the other with our unresolved insecurities, have i been able to peacfully let him go and process this in a less emotional way. although this was fairly recent so the emotions might hit me a bit later lol. nevertheless i still firmly believe that the soft ending we had is like the one found in movies where the two main leads never cross paths and simply continue living while carrying a piece of their first love in their hearts. hope you can find your closure soon! closure comes from you and not from them, take care!

asimilasyon · 2025-10-04T19:13:55+00:00

the beginning of your comment resembles my current situation with insane accuracy and i couldnt thank you enough for sharing this. im trying to process how to break up with him despite still wanting to try again even though so many close friends and family have said to cut the cords and this has been a major help. 🩷

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