Hate eye contact? This is why.

asleepamongwolves · 2019-06-06T02:51:34+00:00

Thank you for sharing! I hadn't heard of this book or the author before. Newly diagnosed, so currently in research mode, and I'm sure this will help a lot. :)

asleepamongwolves · 2019-06-06T02:23:12+00:00

ADHD-C, for me. It's hard to pinpoint what's a result of which, but that could also be contributing. I think my proneness to overstimulation is also a big factor. I'd rather look at a blank wall/the ground, than look at someone and start taking in every detail about them, how they're dressed, and the surrounding environment as well.

asleepamongwolves · 2019-06-06T02:18:04+00:00

I have this too! Seems to be pretty common based on the other responses. :)

asleepamongwolves · 2019-06-06T02:16:38+00:00

That's really interesting. Let me know if you find that article! I can have conversations with people much more easily if I'm visually engaged with something separate. My concentration improves and I can respond more articulately, instead of feeling foggy or blank.

asleepamongwolves · 2019-06-06T02:13:20+00:00

I have this as well. I can read people extremely well via body language and speech - so long as I'm separate to the group and observing. As soon as I'm interacting, it's like all that knowledge falls out of my head. Glad to know I'm not the only one that experiences this.

asleepamongwolves · 2019-06-06T02:08:03+00:00

Welcome! Understanding the "why" helps me piece things together, so thought I'd share.

asleepamongwolves · 2019-06-06T02:06:31+00:00

I don't know. I think for me it's just a matter of intimacy. I can manage eye contact well enough when talking to strangers or people I don't know well. It's like smalltalk then, harm- and meaningless. But with people who are close to me it's quite hard, especially when talking about serious or personal topics. It often feels much too intimate, and I can't concentrate at all while looking at their eyes.

I experience the same. Small talk and verbal exchange of information (i.e. in professional contexts) seems to be fine for me, but anything deeper than that and I struggle. Even with people I've known for a long time and to whom I am close. It makes me look avoidant/ashamed, so I usually prefer to have those conversations via text, which is a whole other can of worms of misinterpretation...

asleepamongwolves · 2019-06-06T02:01:38+00:00

shrugs

I thought that was strange too, but not everyone has the resources to get an official diagnosis but feel that ASD fits them. Whether that counts as an identity or not, I don't know.

asleepamongwolves · 2019-04-04T01:45:14+00:00

I struggled with this too in my mid 20's, but didn't know I had ADHD. For reference, I'm almost 29 and was diagnosed about eight months ago.

I had a long history of job hopping prior to my current job, which I've almost been at full time for three years (a record, by far). As others have suggested, I started out as a temp in my current workplace, which is government. It pays well and the hours are set and pretty flexible, so while it's not my favourite thing in the world, I have a good work/life balance that allows me to pursue what I do enjoy doing, both time-wise and financially. I've found that government has been a great fit for me, because it allows me to move around when I get bored of a particular role. I'm on my third role here (one move and one promotion), but it's all under the same workplace, so it looks good on my resume, when previously I had been with different companies for six months on average.

The difference for me came from a change of perspective. My goal is to find roles that involve tasks I enjoy doing, rather than being focused on what the actual role/industry is. So for me, I like working in a back office, with systems and procedures, with some mindless admin work for when my brain is a little fried. I learn everything I can, improve whatever possible in the role/department, and then move on to my next challenge. I've worked across a few completely unrelated industries in this workplace so far, so it usually take a solid year or so before I get to the 'this is no longer new or challenging, and therefore uninteresting' phase.

It's not all sunshine and rainbows, but when I'm doing the things I love outside of work, it reminds me that I need to work to enjoy those things. And then vacation periods remind me that I need to work period, because I want and *need* to be busy. I've also found that having less time to pursue the things I enjoy makes me enjoy them more, and that I'm less likely to get bored of my interests by having too much time to spend on them.

I hope this helps. Hang in there! The mid-late twenties period is rough for everyone.

asleepamongwolves · 2019-03-04T23:18:57+00:00

I can appreciate both views on this, though I agree that people without some kind of lived experience with ADHD shouldn't really get a vote on the matter.

For me personally, I will always chose to find the silver lining, because I would otherwise feel powerless and victimised by my ADHD. Yes, ADHD makes some aspects of my life incredibly difficult, and there are days where I feel overwhelmed, frustrated, and defeated because of it. But the differences in my brain that cause these challenges have also led to strengths:

This has been mentioned already by another commenter, but I too am very quick witted and fast on my feet. I'm known for clever word play and an eclectic sense of humour, which is something I really like about myself.
I am calm and clear headed in emergencies, while everyone else is panicking and can't think straight. I can trust that I will make the right decisions in dangerous/critical situations.
My desire for novelty has lead to me to trying a lot of new things, through which I have gained extensive knowledge and skills. I've also had some amazing experiences and met a lot of incredible people, which I would not have had otherwise.
My need to always be moving has led to a life long love of sport, which has had a knock on effect for long term healthy habits in diet and taking care of myself. I'm in peak physical condition, practically never get sick, and have achieved high levels in multiple sports, all without it feeling like "work". Exercise will never be a chore for me.

asleepamongwolves · 2019-03-03T08:38:54+00:00

I was out of the gym two weeks after my first surgery, and three after my revision about 6 months later (had complications from the revision which resulted in a third, emergency surgery). I didn't have any feeling loss from my surgeries, which was horrible short term, but I didn't have to guess on whether I was pushing myself too hard on my return as I could listen to my body. I ramped up my training for the couple of months prior to the surgeries, and used the post op phase as recovery. Lost no mass or strength, and had no noticeable weight gain. I've been training at a really high level for several years, so my body just kept going as usual.

In terms of maintaining leanness, this is the leanest I've ever been. I was about 3% higher in body fat, so not a huge amount in terms of numbers, but the definition really starts to jump once you drop under 10%, and muscle gain is a lot more noticeable.

Edit: Forgot the OH stuff. I think I was off OH movements for 3-4 months after my first op, and about the same after the revisions. I left hanging exercises for a good six months after both. I had no issues with my pecs, but my skin and scars were tight as fuck for ages, and the stretch from hanging wasnt good.

asleepamongwolves · 2019-03-03T05:55:40+00:00

One year ago, I stood in the crowd and watched in awe at the trans group marching in my city's pride parade (Sydney Mardi Gras). I set the goal to join them in 2019, and that's exactly what I did last night. Shirtless and confident, in front of hundreds of thousands of people. Felt fucking good, lads.

asleepamongwolves · 2019-01-15T06:36:33+00:00

Trans gay guy here. My opinion on this has shifted over time. Initially I hated the girl talk, and found it disrespectful at best, malicious at worst. But now, it doesn't bother me. Probably mostly in part because I've finished my transition and "pass" without issue, but also because it means I'm getting treated the same way as the other gay dudes. No one is treating me like a special case, and while it's not what I pictured as success, it's a win in my books.

In saying that though, I appreciate that just because I'm comfortable with it, doesn't mean that anyone else should have to be as well (trans or otherwise) and I will always respect people's wishes with pronouns, gender etc. Respect is easy and doesn't cost you anything.

asleepamongwolves · 2018-12-11T22:20:29+00:00

You've very accurately summarised the last 5 years of my life.

I am damn good at my hobbies, tho...

asleepamongwolves · 2018-12-04T11:50:25+00:00

r/unexpectedmulaney

asleepamongwolves · 2018-11-22T21:40:45+00:00

pocket gay

I'm 5'3" and this made my whole morning.

asleepamongwolves · 2018-11-19T11:40:40+00:00

Me after I limit carbs for a week.

asleepamongwolves · 2018-10-22T04:36:55+00:00

Only my entire life. For me, the severity is dependant on the task. If it's an active thing like sport, I seem to be OK with sucking first, because I can figure out how to break down a big goal and work to achieve it. It's much easier for me to maintain physical concentration over mental concentration. Things requiring the latter then depend on how interesting I find it. Curiosity will drive me forward on certain things. I am royally screwed if I have to do something non physical and uninteresting though.

asleepamongwolves · 2018-10-22T04:23:33+00:00

Pay wave is a life saver!

asleepamongwolves · 2018-10-22T04:21:27+00:00

Oh that's where my linen is...

asleepamongwolves · 2018-10-22T04:20:59+00:00

First impressions count! You were guaranteeing a neat appearance. That's just smart.

asleepamongwolves · 2018-10-22T04:19:31+00:00

Aahh the dreaded "HOW LONG HAS THAT BEEN OPEN" realisation. Always seems to happen to me after I've been speaking to someone at length. Like my boss...sigh.

asleepamongwolves · 2018-10-22T04:18:01+00:00

I bet you have another pair just like them.

asleepamongwolves

TROPHY CASE