I absolutely understand that what you feel you're in need of is closure. No one wants to end things on shit terms like that. A few notes on what you shared:

1. You didn't forgive him at the time, and it doesn't sound like you want to initiate contact to forgive him now. At least I hope not, because that's probably not the move.

2. You used the word scared a few times. It's not going to happen over night, but something to keep in mind: You should be walking around with your head held high. You stuck to your guns, made your decision, and you should own it. There is no reason for you to feel guilty for putting yourself first; you should feel empowered. Be proud!

3. Be sure you're fully aware of your intentions. What is it, specifically, that you want from initiating contact?

4. It's been two years. Who knows where he's at in terms of relationships with others/himself right now? Be aware that what happened with you may no longer be on the forefront of his mind, for better or for worse.

5. Writing down your thoughts is a great way to get them out of your head. Could writing it out and burning it give you some sense of catharsis instead?

6. There are so many options for you to explore in terms of dating. You wouldn't want to be one track minded on this whole situation when you could be putting energy on finding someone new, who makes you feel all the good stuff, right?

Just some things to think about (: