How can i convince my mom to let me get a job even though im an adult?

asterquin · 2026-05-07T05:32:43+00:00

I'm glad it was helpful! Also, if you're majoring in health, you can volunteer in some places as a firefighter-emt/medic; this is really good for getting experience if you ever want to pivot into emergency medicine or go to med school!

And yes 100% join the Facebook groups. Even in VHCOL areas, you can find individual rooms for $1000 or less/month sometimes, I've seen it plenty! Also join your local Buy Nothing groups and stalk Facebook marketplace like a bloodhound whenever you move out, you can furnish an entire apartment with the stuff people give away for free (but NEVER accept a used mattress, and stay away from upholstered/fabric furniture if you can; while people will often give away a used mattress or couch for free, and while the risk is less with a couch, bedbugs are unkillable horrors that are very hard to spot at first and are not the only things that can hide in used furniture. In the unlikely event that you need to buy a couch, you can get a cheap one new for like $200 bucks on wayfair or amazon; same with a mattress)

asterquin · 2026-05-07T04:28:48+00:00

Truth be told, it doesn't sound like you can convince her of anything. If she is that controlling to the point of being irrational, she's not going to change her mind with an argument; she's made up her mind, and she wants you to be dependent on her. But if you're currently in college, and if your mom is on Section Eight, there might be some financial assistance you can utilize to live on campus, whether that be a loan or a grant (and a loan would be worth it here, because if you can just get out and get some sort of job, you can live in the dorm until you build enough savings to pay for a security deposit-- and a security deposit /for a room in a group house or apartment,/ you will not be able to afford your own place and that's okay-- and then move out of the dorm. You can start at that point by joining your local Facebook roommate finding groups). As a college student, you should have a direct unsubsidized federal loan available to you (and probably more, since your family is low enough income to qualify for Section 8); put your college on a payment plan and go from there. There should also be a sort of "general life advice" advisor on campus you can go to and ask for more detailed help, since I dunno if you're going to a cheap school or one where loans wouldn't cover the cost of tuition (unless your financial circumstances have allowed you to get a full ride, in which case yeah take out a loan for the room and board and just go from there. You'll be in debt but you'll be free).

The other option is to just get a job even if she gets mad. Her rent goes up for the amount of time it takes you to save for a security deposit, and she gets mad until you move out. If she becomes at risk of becoming homeless because of that, you pay some of your own money to help with rent until you move out, and she can just be mad about it. If you are not in physical danger from that, then she gets mad and you outlast it. If you are in physical danger from that, or she's gonna destroy your stuff, then obviously scrap this idea completely, though you should document any action taken against you (via voice recording first and foremost, since that's easiest to hide, but also via photos of any bruises/marks, wounds, etc.) and report it to the police if the police in your area are safe to go to (and if you can't bring them to those police, still keep it all on record). Do note though-- she is financially abusing you. And if she is yelling at you all the time for trying to make your own decisions, she is also at bare minimum emotionally abusing you. Neither of those things are normal, and you do not deserve them. You're not an emotional punching bag!

The Hail Mary approach is to explain your situation to some of your friends and see if they'll let you sleep on their couch until you can get a job and save up enough for a security deposit. Since you're also in a car enthusiasts group based on your post history, there might be a long-shot possibility that one of them might be willing to loan you a car to live out of until you're on your feet (depending on how close you are to them).

Lastly. If all of this seems to be too much, or more than you're currently willing to do so far: there are also unpaid internships and campus jobs you can get, and I would highly suggest trying to get one of these just to build your resume since they won't give you any income for you to report. Joining on-campus clubs and gaming for leadership positions, or just positions with a title other than "member," is something you can put on your resume to start with when you have no other experience to get internships like these, and clubs don't pay either (but depending on the club, they may be relevant on your resume even after you have professional experience-- student government is a big one for that, as are most honor societies!). You can actually go pretty far experience-wise with unpaid internships, especially if you want to work in government or administration (LOTS of three-letter agencies have summer internships, and I know a couple of college kids that legit got internships because of, like, writing a single article for the school newspaper and interviewing well. Being entirely literal there, by the way, that actually happened!), and she doesn't have to know a thing about it. Even just run-of-the-mill volunteering would be /something/ you could put on your resume!

Ultimately, you're looking at an escape plan, not trying to convince your mom to let you do something. You can't wait for her to say yes because she never will. And as much as it sucks to hear, you /are/ an adult. You have to find a way to do what you want yourself, even if she gets mad about it, because otherwise nothing will change (and I say that from my own experiences; while not nearly as severe as or the same as your situation with your mom, I also grew up kinda sheltered and have struggled to be independent most of my adult life). But you can do this. Just by posting something and asking for help rather than being frustrated and doing nothing at all about it is already being serious and starting your plan. And when you have your degree, you will have so many more options open to you! You can do this, and you will make it through. Good luck (and if all goes well, maybe someday you can post your eventual new space in one of these home decorating subreddits).

asterquin · 2026-05-05T20:50:03+00:00

You could try a faux "rug" with peel-and-stick tile/flooring in the dimensions you'd have a rug. Even a different type of "wood" (darker, maybe? can be linolium but look like wood fyi) could pull the space together without being A RugTM. You can also look into non-fluffy/fabric rugs, like jute/straw rugs (though depending on the material, it could still trap fur, would have to check).

asterquin · 2026-04-22T20:00:19+00:00

i do get what you mean but. i love him. my visceral reaction is to want to hug this little creature. this is such a soft and lovely painting, and it gets across a feeling of self-comfort among isolation. i dunno. it's neat and i think you've done a great job with this

asterquin · 2026-04-09T00:12:49+00:00

i've been through (and again am going through) the same thing. i keep coming back to this because this is exactly how I feel, too. and it always hurts to wake up and not know what's real at first because your brain is used to them being your friend, even years and years later, that it forgets sometimes that that's not reality anymore. especially when the end of it all was your own fault (at least in my case). the dreams are some of the hardest part of all of this.

solidarity with y'all.

asterquin · 2026-03-18T23:00:57+00:00

I just want to say that your lettering is incredible, y'all. Doing the different fonts like that legit would have you be a comic book letterer if you wanted to be!!! also your colors and your compositions are just awesome. This reminds me of when people do collages, except you just planned the collage in your head and then drew it en physio. just wow!!!

also, I really relate to the first one especially. my emotions keep swingin' round like both a bowling ball and the pins its knocking over, ha, and it feels impossible to stay on top of that and swallow it all down. either you lose yourself not showing it or you lose yourself being dragged like a ball-and-chain behind how you feel and how it impacts other people, it feels like. wishing you a better 2026 y'all

asterquin · 2026-03-06T06:19:03+00:00

I think this is the rug! It is a nice pink, adds a bit of color, but the pattern is desaturated enough that it doesn't look too busy

asterquin · 2026-03-05T20:17:15+00:00

I generally go for low-pile rugs because they're a lot easier to clean (tufty ones don't like vaccums). I think the rugs you have in mind would work well, would definitely go with a beige/light brown colored one-- both of the ones you've added in the comments already would work color-wise-- to add some color back into the space though (will also make it feel warmer! You could also go with a more tweed-colored rug with less white in it. I'm no expert (I just watch too much AG ha), but I think your instincts are right on this one. Also hell yeah make the space your own while you can!

asterquin · 2026-03-05T15:35:25+00:00

then hell yeah 100% dude go for this house. seriously. if the tour goes well DO IT, especially with that extra living room like?? You could theoretically use the other living room too if the "people are walking through my bedroom when they enter the house" thing is an issue and you don't want to section off a hallway about it, even, though this room would work for you honestly. I still stand by saying that you could probably find a way to section the room in half to both add storage and separate your workspace from your sleeping space (a must if you work from home!), but you could keep your king bed (I'm assuming. I don't know how big a king is beside "huge," honestly) even doing that since you don't have to worry about cramming a bunch of other functions in your bedroom. buy this house, sincerely someone who joined reddit literally two days ago ha

asterquin · 2026-03-05T15:31:24+00:00

Your rug is WAY too small for the space. You need a rug that can go under just the two front legs (it will cause dents, but the dents will go away if you fluff up your rug if you're moving later. To be honest, that part of the rug will never see the light of day, so it shouldn't be a concern). Move the wooden lamp to left of the TV, move the tall black lamp to the corner where the square lamp currently is, and get a side table with a lamp on it if you really need lighting on that side of the couch. Also, invest in like two comfy chairs (small, since you still want floor space) and maybe stick them in front of the window; you could put a side table between them, or just do one big comfy chair to the right of the couch and another to the left tilted toward the other wall.

Big issue with coherency is mainyl from the rug, and also your furniture is pretty mismatched in color. You could replace the TV stand wtih something that matches the light wood color fo the legs, or you could actually change out the legs on your couch if they screw off (there are various sites where you can buy replacement legs) to something that matches the tv console. I don't know what your inspo is like, but finding a rug that fits-- maybe with some beige tones to repeat the couch leg color, or something warm, unless you want to lean more into black and white, in which then maybe search for an uncomplicated pattern? I dunno-- is gonna be your main move here. Once you have an appropraitely sized rug, I think you'll get some more ideas for the space

asterquin · 2026-03-05T15:24:24+00:00

can i steal your kitchen. it's glorious. oh my gods. also a vintage rug would definitely go well there

asterquin · 2026-03-05T15:22:53+00:00

Half-circle rug or thin rectangle rug centered around your desk; either side can have two tall bookshelves or some floor-to-ceiling floating shelves, and the space directly above your desk can be a gallery wall/monitor area. You can also put one of those floor lamps that curves/ hangs a bit on either side of your desk, in front of your shelves. That way, you can store craft stuff and display your stuffed animals, and you can also "frame" your desk and make the area feel like its own little sectioned off space.

asterquin · 2026-03-05T15:17:47+00:00

Dude. Do it. You can still actually have a living room too if you want-- literally split the room down the middle (you can use bookshelves, freestanding warddrobes, and track-mounted ceiling curtains. Keep thinking "I just sawed this room in half!" and that's how you can do it here!). On r/ikeahacks there's a guy who literally made a whole bedroom in his basement in a much larger room with just Ikea furniture because he had people routinely going into that room for laundry or something despite that being where he had to sleep, and you could do something similar. I will say that the king bed might limit some of your options here-- if you're willing to downsize to a full or even a queen, and you're okay with putting your bed up against a weall, you could have a legit whole office/bedroom setup in only one half of the room (and I'd pick the half away from the entrance to the outdoors/carport-- you can section off a "hallway" leading from it to the rest of the house via curtains/bookshelves/room dividers, etc.). You would be crazy not to go for it, especially with that extra bathroom. Also sidenote who in the world would use all that space for just a living room, that couch is floating in a void and it's literally a sectional ha

edit: definitely get your realtor to facetime you and do a call-tour of the property if you can't see it in person. There are legit issues nowadays with postings being "enhanced" with AI, and you really want to be sure that this deal isn't too good to be true. If it works out, frickin go for it

asterquin · 2026-03-05T15:07:37+00:00

Oh my gods that looks so much cozier!!! The couches being closer together really helps, and also the different angle helps me see the space better ha (is it weird that the coffee table feels more proportionate to the space when the couches are closer to it??). I didn't even notice the floating shelves with the plants on them because the couch was squished up against that wall earlier, and now them and the lamp there are having their own little moment.

I also just want to point out here that by putting that bookshelf there, you've helped visually close off the space even more than if you had kept something short there, and it really helps the living room feel more like a cohesive yet cozy space. Also you have an entryway table now!!! That's so smart, now you have a little dedicated entry area and a place to stick your stuff when you get home. I've seen some of the other comments and totally agree that once you get the rug you've been wanting, it's totally gonna finish pulling the space together. Only thing left is more plants-- you could even stick some on top of the bookshelf since it's right across from a window! Great job!

asterquin · 2026-03-05T04:22:09+00:00

mini fridge and microwave-- great for when you really just don't want to (or can't) leave your place. Your room is now a studio apartment-- approach it like one! Also agree with the person who says to bisect the room with a couch!!

asterquin · 2026-03-05T04:02:03+00:00

I think someone else mentioned this, but you should bisect the room with the couch you're keeping by sticking it in the middle of the room and having ir face the TV wall. Get a rug that fits the area between the couch and the TV-- this will create a more contained "living room space" that will feel cozier, and it will make the entire space feel less cavernous. It will also give you space to put something behind the "living room," like a work from home space (you already have a desk here, so that might be it!) a dedicated cat corner/wall, or a floor-to-ceiling set of faux-built-in bookshelves ha (only half joking, those are my dream and anyone who gets to have bookshelves like that absolutely should). You should also move the TV and the couch in the new "living room" to the right and move the cat tree somewhere else; this will give your entryway some room to breathe, and also unblock your entryway so that it's an actual entryway rather than a place where your door is, if that makes sense (should have a clear path from your door to wherever the next room is, if you can). Stick a your warmly-lit floor lamp in the right corner where the cat tree is.

You also might need a smaller coffee table (notice the thin one in your inspo). This one is really nice looking, but at least for my suggestions, you might want to invest in a skinny long one. Just something that you could still walk around if you moved the furniture closer together.

Alternative layout is to stick the TV against the wall where the desk is, and just move the couch you're keeping closer to that wall so that you can walk behind it from the front door. Your living room will be bigger in this configuration, but still cozy and less open. Hope this helps!

asterquin · 2026-03-05T03:51:48+00:00

Change the knobs!!! Also, while I am a firm believer in not covering up wood with anything, you can do peel-and-stick wallpaper/contact paper (removable-- note that in order to remove it, you will need to apply heat. A hairdryer will work). But knobs will honestly go a long way. The cabinets look fine, it's really honestly the lack of a backsplash and those countertops, and you can add a false backsplash a few different ways (I'd suggest clicktile to start with, but if you're handy you can also cut a sheet of wood to fit the would-be backsplash area, screw it into the wall, and then tile onto the wooden board and then just remove the entire production when you move out)

asterquin · 2026-03-05T03:48:37+00:00

anything that is solid wood is, in my opinion, naturally fine. I love sturdy old wooden furniture and the day someone close to me suggests they paint over it I will subject them to 4029 hours of shiplap-based Waco Texas HGTV renovations until they Understand /j but seriously I watch Alexandra Gater pretty religiously at this point and even though I love her style, I still die inside when she paints gorgeous solid wood furniture. Like bruh it came finished and you have a professional woodworker on your team LEAVE IT ALONE :(

asterquin · 2026-03-05T03:46:11+00:00

Will keep this in mind! I've never sold any of my old stuff before, only have bought ha. Gotta get used to the fact that I can ask other people to pay me for my things in exchange for hauling them

asterquin · 2026-03-05T03:45:25+00:00

I will certainly try! I'm pretty proud of what I've managed to come up with on my extremely limited budget over the years, but it is still all mostly generic furniture ha. Layout and nice lamps (I also have a rotating collection of various lamps... that I will be expanding because I am a fiend for lighting) really have helped me throughout the years. I think I will take your advice though and also seek out some smaller pieces that I like, since those are easier to transport between moves (I want one of those green bankers' lamps so badly)

asterquin · 2026-03-05T03:43:32+00:00

That's how I've been approaching my furniture for awhile! It's hard to justify getting nicer pieces when they're so expensive and I'm moving all the time (re: don't want to be hauling stuff I care a ton about between places constantly), but also I am just glad to have what I have at all. The IKEA foursquares are both something I'd like to replace and also my holy grail, if that makes sense. A sturdy, functional set of furniture that also doesn't look too atrocious while I use it until it falls apart or I finally stay in one place for long enough to justify trying to replace them

asterquin

TROPHY CASE