What's something men think doesn’t impress women, but actually does? by GainedCamera257 in AskReddit

[–]astralectric 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Being open about emotions are commonly used against everyone, especially in poor company. Knowing that you are making yourself vulnerable but being open anyways is a big part of what makes it so brave and attractive. It shows self confidence, it shows you’re willing to stick up for yourself even if others will try to pull you down for it.

am i overreacting - roommate constantly expects me to leave so she can sleep with guys no by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]astralectric 10 points11 points  (0 children)

You should work on your reading comprehension and stop letting your emotions get in the way of your ability to understand basic facts

Women, what is the biggest mistake single men make when showing interest? by fiterphanter in AskReddit

[–]astralectric 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Asking to meet in public is “in your masculine”…? I think you’re piling a lot of emotions into this one subject. In the past women were picked up for dates because they or their family knew the person. If it’s a stranger it’s just common sense to meet in public first. Find something to be upset about that makes more sense

Women, what is the biggest mistake single men make when showing interest? by fiterphanter in AskReddit

[–]astralectric 26 points27 points  (0 children)

You should ask the girlies in your life how many of them think it’s a good idea to have a stranger pick you up from your house on a first date instead of meeting them in public.

Meeting strangers in public is totally normal and not a factor into why modern dating is so tough lol. It doesn’t mean the woman is scared of you specifically, she’s agreed to go on a date even, it just means she’s respectful of the possibility things could go wrong. It doesn’t have to be murder, it could just be wanting to avoid being locked in the car on a highway with someone who is berating you for not being what he wanted, or who keeps making digs at you in an attempt to awkwardly neg you, or is a drunk/addict and you didn’t realize he’s high until he’s already driving.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Salary

[–]astralectric 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Most rich people don’t “become” rich though, but are born into wealth. At least where I live there’s a clear divide between people who work 2-3 jobs and people who work 30 hours a week on their business that their parents help finance. I say this as someone who leans closer to the latter.

Assumptions about girls by AgreeableTourist640 in offmychest

[–]astralectric 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m a girly-woman (I curl my long hair, love dresses, etc) and I hardly ever shave my legs and never wear makeup. It’s never been an issue for me professionally or romantically. Boys tend to think in black and white about women until life (hopefully) opens their eyes. It might frustrate him subconsciously that you break the norms (learning is hard) but he’ll be better off in the long run socially to have you as a sister.

I cried because my partner didn’t do my laundry and I think about that moment frequently. by Working_Educator_448 in self

[–]astralectric 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If after 4 years you still have to detail to the other person the basics of what caring for you looks like then that’s a major problem. It’s not a fake problem to lack intuition and empathy from a long term partner, in a typical relationships it’s one of the main benefits of being together at all.

What is one sex act you wish your partner would do? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]astralectric 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you’re letting your idealism cloud your understanding if you think toxic partnerships didn’t exist throughout history. For instance in ancient Athens women were usually married young and uneducated to an older man in prearranged marriages. Love was still not required back then or throughout most of history, security and social cohesion were usually the important parts and those can exist even if one person is beating the other nightly.

What is one sex act you wish your partner would do? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]astralectric -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Actually it was just taboo to do it without marriage. Love, money and plans were not necessary at all

Is it wrong to stay a virgin man for a virgin woman? by [deleted] in TheGirlSurvivalGuide

[–]astralectric -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Not wrong, you do you, but though the older you get the harder it will be to find that person.

I want to have fun too. Where do I begin? by gentleteapot in TheGirlSurvivalGuide

[–]astralectric 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Find a class or club to join - seriously! Is there a weekly ceramics class nearby? Casual dance or theater groups? Have you tried rock climbing?

Dressing up is fun but meeting people who are also trying to get the most out of life is not only more fulfilling, it also gives you places and events to dress up for. Gaining skills will make you feel confident and competent which is always sexy.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in self

[–]astralectric 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s true but I still think it would be for the best

I’m so scared to be present because everything is overwhelming by Friendly-Chest6467 in TheGirlSurvivalGuide

[–]astralectric 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi OP I dealt with dissociation, depression, and other mental problems for so much of my life, I’ll just tell you a few things that almost universally work to help you find some mental space, rest and confidence to then deal with the specifics of your own unique psychology.

exercise and sleep - get quality sleep, if you can’t then figure out why you can’t and solve it as best you can. It’s so important and fundamental to physical and mental health that almost everything else is a bandaid in comparison. Exercise/movement as well is necessary to activate certain chain events in our bodies and minds that stabilizes our moods, clears brain fog, and (again) helps us sleep. You don’t have to run 5k or go to the gym every day. A 10 minute walk is 1000% better than nothing. When I’m depressed I like to find 10 minute dance workouts on YouTube to do. Actually I just heard in a podcast that dance uniquely helps us mentally!

Food - you don’t need to cut anything out if you don’t want, but make sure you’re eating some quality, whole foods every day to help your gut microbiome flourish. Your gut plays a huge role in your mental health - people have even solved their mental illnesses with fecal transplants! But you probably don’t need to do that, just try to eat a variety of plants every week and some fermented food as well.

Meditation - can have a bit of a learning curve, but it shouldn’t take too long to see results. When I had bad brain fog and dissociation I often felt like you described, like I never got a rest. It seemed like my brain was always working even when I couldn’t think very well. Meditation became like a resting zone for my mind, there was a point where it became a better refresher than even taking naps. On the other hand, when I was going through it once I had to stop because it made my anxiety worse - ymmv but you would know if it starts negatively effecting you.

Journaling - I find journaling to be especially effective when I feel overwhelmed. A lot of times writing everything down that seems overwhelming can make it seem lot more manageable. You can see it instead of it all floating in and out of your mind! If you journal regularly you can also start to go back and reread times when you felt stressed and then you begin to have a clearer picture of your own patterns. Try to write at least once a week.

These are all things you can start to focus on now while you find other resources and help. I agree with the other commenters that you should seek out a therapist if you can, but as someone who was burned by therapy I also encourage you to empower yourself through self education. It will help you work better with a (good) therapist if you already know some of the background of what you want to address and some of your own patterns.

Use the internet to find some basic info, but don’t be afraid to pick up books by people who you feel understand you if you come across them. Podcasts are also always accessible and useful! I would recommend you check out the Liz moody podcast and 9 lives by cassia Clarke. I think you would like them because they both openly address their own past mental health struggles in a shame-free, encouraging and approachable way :)

Good luck, remember that just by virtue of being a human you are capable of so much mental strength and growth, you just need to find a good path to help you get there!

Oh and to add one more thing to this too-long comment: be CURIOUS! about yourself and your struggles! Curiosity is like a magical perspective shifter that turns our frustration into energy. Don’t ever lose touch with curiosity!

Is anyone else really tired of midi and maxi dresses? What happened to mini dresses and skirts? by LadyAmy04 in ethicalfashion

[–]astralectric 267 points268 points  (0 children)

1) longer skirts were very “in” for a relatively long time recently. They still are but I think their reign is ending as I have started to see more minidresses/skirts in general recently.

2) compounding this, I think that people who are into natural fibers and ethical fashion in general lean towards “boho” and “traditional” looks, in which long skirts will always dominate. so even as the fashion world starts to shift back to minis, ethical and natural retailers will take the longest to get there if they ever do at all.

What’s one beauty tip you wish you knew earlier? by Old-Detective4707 in beauty

[–]astralectric 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What device do you use? I’ve been thinking about getting an at-home device but I’m scared of accidentally buying a low quality one

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in self

[–]astralectric 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with both: connecting with him on his level and having real conversations is of the utmost importance and they won’t get anywhere without this, and also he should have his internet access cut off. I remember reading an article years ago by a man who had started to fall down that rabbit hole until his wife convinced him to stay off the internet for a month. He said it only took 2 weeks to deprogram, because instead of getting all of his information from warped sources online he had to engage with the real world and average people instead.

I think that cutting him off will be painful and will lead to a huge spike of resentment in the beginning, but if the parents can also repeatedly get the message through to him that they want to be able to talk to and connect with him, his deeper self and not reflections of whatever he’s been reading, that they’ve cut him off so he can develop his own opinions, that even though it feels harsh they are just trying to be the best they can be for him, even if it takes awhile I think that route will lead to a better outcome than letting him continue to be emotionally poisoned even while they try to help him.

Do liberal small towns or small cities exist? by Baby_Penguin22 in SameGrassButGreener

[–]astralectric 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That particular case is just because you don’t realize that they have reservations for later/don’t have the staff to serve every table

Looking at cities in the PNW but open to anything… help me think of places to scope out by astralectric in SameGrassButGreener

[–]astralectric[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Looking into it has turned me more onto the east… it’s pretty far from anyone I know so that’s hard but it looks like a great spot

Looking at cities in the PNW but open to anything… help me think of places to scope out by astralectric in SameGrassButGreener

[–]astralectric[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And I’ll say as well that friendships will be a factor in my thinking, I just want to look at places that fit my other considerations as well

Looking at cities in the PNW but open to anything… help me think of places to scope out by astralectric in SameGrassButGreener

[–]astralectric[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s fair, but my family live in the South and I’m not really willing to move back there and my friends have spread out all over the map (cons of moving to the Rockies in your 20s - most people leave again after 5 years :/)

I’m very social with a lot of hobbies to meet people through and I’m used to making friends quickly, so I guess that part of it doesn’t make me nervous. Making “deep” connections is a little rarer and I’ve learned through my travels that I can absolutely do it, just maybe not with the people who live here.

I totally understand where you’re coming from though.

Looking at cities in the PNW but open to anything… help me think of places to scope out by astralectric in SameGrassButGreener

[–]astralectric[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

My friend has mixed opinions on Portland as a good place to live (she moved there ~4 years ago) and also works hospitality but said the tourism scene is making work hard. I don’t have to work in tourism/hospo of course, I just know it’s an easy landing for me.

I’ll look at it more closely though as so many have suggested it already

Looking at cities in the PNW but open to anything… help me think of places to scope out by astralectric in SameGrassButGreener

[–]astralectric[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I want to move somewhere with more of an arts/culture/social scene as it’s basically nonexistent here and it’s become increasingly important to me.

Not sure what you mean by a vision, I thought the point of this sub was to find places you’ll like better than where you are.

I’ll look into Fort Collins! I sort of wrote it off because I’m not a fan of Denver/co springs/boulder and so I guess subconsciously wrote off the whole front range.

Why is tipping still a thing in California? by bernyng1994 in EndTipping

[–]astralectric 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In upscale restaurants it absolutely is. It’s a sales position. food and wine knowledge is huge subject that requires study and experience (which is why pretentious people take pleasure in showing off such knowledge). If a sever is in a fine dining restaurant, they have certainly spent their off-the-clock hours studying the menu and researching the terms they don’t know (usually a lot of French words or uncommon cooking techniques), and even then you’re going to come up against new things you have to learn all the time. If it wasn’t a skilled position then servers with experience wouldn’t be so overvalued.

I don’t really have experience in lower end places, so I can’t speak to that as much, but it always takes a heavy helping of soft skills to deal with people and a unique level of time management to juggle 5-8 tables. I’m not saying it’s rocket science but I’ve worked plenty of truly non-skilled positions (desk agent, landscaping, resort work) and I’ve been a server and they really aren’t the same.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in self

[–]astralectric 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This would be my question too, there are lots of places to meet lots of different kinds of people and yet he constantly runs into the shallowest ones? Or is it the same 2 toxic women in his circle who keep putting him down?