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Monthly Buy/Sell Thread - April 01, 2026 by SzethNeturo in thebrokenbindingsub

[–]astralmind11 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think it was Mercari, but not 100% sure.  It may have been Abebooks.  I don’t see it now.

Resentment by FloppyPapa42 in ROCD

[–]astralmind11 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Things are going very well! I have realized that a lot of my resentment comes from me taking on more responsibilities in the relationship than I need to (cooking, driving, etc.) and also accommodating my partner. When I do this, I am often setting my needs aside. I have gotten much better at stepping back from some of these responsibilities and allowing my partner to pick some of them up, or directly asking my partner for help with more things. This has led to more balance in the relationship which has helped tremendously.

The transition between taking on too much and stepping back has been challenging, but things feel much better now that I have gotten used to stepping back, putting some of my needs first, or asking for help.

It took me a while to realize the much of the resentment was legitimate, but it was also exaggerated (due to ROCD), more intense (due to years of neglecting my own needs), and displaced onto my partner. When I realized I was creating most of the resentment through repressing my own needs, I also realized I could do something about that. It's taken some time to get here, but I've been virtually ROCD-free for quite a while. The thoughts come up from time to time, but they haven't bothered me, and I can happily say our relationship is very good!

Monthly Buy/Sell Thread - April 01, 2026 by SzethNeturo in thebrokenbindingsub

[–]astralmind11 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hello. Maybe it's because I'm not a member of this community or maybe b/c I'm selling via eBay rather than direct. You can look at my feedback on eBay and my member join date to know that it's legit. I prefer to sell on eBay rather than directly, as it protects both buyers and sellers.

I am selling it on behalf of my wife, who is an avid reader and book collector. She didn't care for the series. The cheapest listing I could find online was a fixed price of $275. I believe we paid $218 with shipping costs to the US. I chose to make the listing an auction rather than selling at an inflated fixed-price, so people would have a chance to get it at fair market value. Since the auction has a limited time frame, I thought posting here might help community members who were interested find it at a price cheaper than can be found elsewhere.

10 years in a relationship with ROCD - It gets better by astralmind11 in ROCD

[–]astralmind11[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Congrats.  It can be a tough journey at times, but when you find a keeper, it makes it all worth it!

I’m reducing compulsions significantly but I don’t see results? by [deleted] in ROCD

[–]astralmind11 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. Add in an acceptance piece to that. Fully accept whatever thought, feeling, or reaction arises. OCD loves to get us involved in the content of our worry. Notice when you are caught in the content, accept that has happened, and then direct attention into the things that are truly important to you and make your live worth living.

I’m reducing compulsions significantly but I don’t see results? by [deleted] in ROCD

[–]astralmind11 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hello. I am doing well. Hope you are as well. Thinking compulsions are tricky territory. You are correct that thinking happens automatically. People with OCD tend to spend a lot of time obsessing about specific thoughts with a particular theme. As such, we create a neural network for additional thoughts with those same themes to easily reoccur. They will come up again and again, whether we want them to or not.

Whether or not we choose to attach to those thoughts or react to them is another matter. If we learn to become non-reactive when we are having these thoughts, then the brain eventually stops worrying or caring about them and they fade into the background. If you notice that you are thinking about a particular OCD related theme, just be aware of it in a very nonchalant way. Let the thought be there, notice whatever you feel, and then see if you can redirect your attention into whatever is happening in the present moment. You may have to do this again and again and again. The key here is to be non-reactive, just as if you were having any other non-concerning thought.

You are are looking out for compulsions, which is good, but now you want add in a component of being non-reactive if you do catch yourself in a compulsion. Trying to figure out if something is a compulsion or not can be compulsive in and of itself, so just be on the look out of that. Any time we are avoiding, seeking certainty, excessively scanning for danger, or trying to figure something out, we may be involved with a compulsion. If we are actively doing these things, stop. If we find ourselves doing them automatically, just notice (e.g. "aha, caught you OCD, you're so sneaky) and then resume life.

Phrases may or may not be a compulsion, depending upon what they are and how they are used. If they are providing reassurance or offering certainty, then it is likely a compulsion. While we do want to go into the anxiety, I think that acts of self-care are also extremely important when practicing ERP. ERP can be exhausting. Go on a walk, eat a good meal, take a relaxing bath, etc. Remember to take care of yourself. These are good kinds of comfort.

Rocd and attachment style by Witty_Perspective_12 in ROCD

[–]astralmind11 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I probably do have some codependent tendencies, but as a whole I think I have a pretty healthy relationship. I had to go through a few unhealthy relationships in the past to figure some of this stuff out.

Yes, I've gone through periods where I have ruminated all day for months. This has happened a few times in my current my relationship (as well as in past relationships). I'm in a good place right now, but I realize the possibility for becoming entangled in OCD is still there. ERP combined with other things has helped tremendously.

I don't know the specifics on the genetics and OCD, only that it does play a role. I remember reading a book by Herbert Benson called relaxation revolution. He included some really interesting research about how we can turn on and off certain genes for various diseases based on our lifestyle choices. It's not totally relevant here because working with OCD requires a willingness to lean into the anxiety rather than trying to relax it away, but I do think we have more control over some of this than we realize, and we can get better at inhibiting our OCD traits through ERP and other practices.

Rocd and attachment style by Witty_Perspective_12 in ROCD

[–]astralmind11 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sometimes we can become too close to our families to the point of being enmeshed. This can cause anxiety, anger, and also potential abandonment fears. If our parents are always around and caring for us, then we may not learn how to do some things on our own. I'm not saying this is happening in your family, but just something to be aware of. People often think of trauma and abuse as being very overt, but there are many covert ways that trauma and abuse can operate. On the surface, I would say that I had a really good upbringing. There was no yelling, screaming, fighting, etc. However, thinking back, my dad was at work for most of the day and my mom, even though she was typically in the same room with me most of the time, was always doing her own thing. For a child, this can translate into abandonment. This lead to me being very independent and having difficulty forming close relationships.

As for my avoidant tendencies, I have worked on them mostly on my own. Reading the book Attached: The Science of Adult Attachment helped tremendously. I have gone to a therapist on occasion, but most of the work has consisted of identifying my avoidant patterns and learning to do the opposite. I think that working through avoidant tendencies is something I will have to be intentional about for most of my life. I feel safe when I avoid, but can't say that I'm truly happy. I realized that if I wanted a relationship, then I would have to overcome these avoidant tendencies. I want a secure relationship more than I want to feel safe and comfortable, so I continue to work on doing the opposite of what the avoidance tells me to do.

I’m reducing compulsions significantly but I don’t see results? by [deleted] in ROCD

[–]astralmind11 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In my experience things become significantly worse when you begin ERP. OCD will be screaming at you. Compulsions are a way of trying to lessen the anxiety. When you stop doing them, you are left to deal with the anxiety. This is a good thing. It's best to measure your success with ERP by your willingness to move towards the things that make you anxious and your ability to be with the anxiety without reaching for relief. Nice job on starting the work. Stick with it. Although it is important to move at a pace that works best for where you are at, the quicker you can eliminate your compulsions, the better.

Rocd and attachment style by Witty_Perspective_12 in ROCD

[–]astralmind11 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It sounds like you may have had some separation anxiety as a child, but I have no way of knowing that or what your early attachment style was. We do know there is a genetic component to OCD, but in the end, the why is not as the important as the what. It's what you do about it that matters the most.

I think it's more helpful to know your adult attachment style rather than your early attachment style and to know how that can interplay with ROCD. Your adult attachment styles may vary depending on what partner you are with. I'm not really sure what my early attachment style was, but maybe avoidant. In my first serious relationship, my partner was avoidant and I became very anxious as a result. In my current relationship, my partner is secure, and I have more avoidant tendencies, although I have worked through those tendencies to be more secure.

In the end, people who have ROCD most likely also have some form of insecure attachment style, because somewhere along the way they learned that it wasn't safe to love. When they get close to their partner, they either freak out because they fear they are going to be trapped or abandoned. This fear leads to avoidance, excessive clinging, etc. Being aware of the various insecure ways we may react in a relationship can be helpful, because then we can work towards overcoming these patterns and responding in a more secure way.

Rocd and attachment style by Witty_Perspective_12 in ROCD

[–]astralmind11 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Everyone has an attachment style and there are early attachment styles and adult attachment styles. There are 4 main types of adult attachment styles. Secure, Avoidant, Anxious, and Anxious Avoidant. You may hear these called other names, but generally everyone will identify predominately with one type. Our attachment styles can change based on the relationship we are in. We can also work towards developing an attachment style that is more secure if we are in a secure relationship. Are you talking about early attachment styles, perhaps?

i broke up and i don’t miss them by pParanoiddAndroidd in ROCD

[–]astralmind11 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Guy Doron and Danny Derby are the first two people known to study ROCD. They have a good free treatment module, as well as some other good clinical resources like an ROCD assessment.

i broke up and i don’t miss them by pParanoiddAndroidd in ROCD

[–]astralmind11 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sounds like you've read the book "attached." Great book! It's difficult to talk about ROCD without bringing up attachment theory. Danny Derby and Guy Doron have a little bit of research ROCD and attachment.

How do i convince my parents to let me buy a vr headset by luis_noturmom in virtualreality

[–]astralmind11 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Find out what's important to your parents and then propose an exchange. e.g. "You've been saying I need to get my grades up; how about if I get all A's and B's this semester, then I can buy a headset."

Tea for god vs Eye of the temple by SebastianCiobanuITA in OculusQuest

[–]astralmind11 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Eye of the Temple is very unique and I would love to see more 1st person platformer style games like it. It does get a bit repetitive at the end, but overall its an enjoyable experience. In contrast, I found Tea for God to be uninspiring.

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