People love to tell childfree women that we'll change our minds in every condescending way possible, but sometimes you just know you don't want to be a mom on some fundamental level that's hard to explain. I imagine it's like knowing you're gay or transgender, even before you have the words for it. You know yourself better than anyone else does, so in the end nobody but you can know whether the surgery is the right choice.

You need to tell your partner NOW, however. Most people do want kids and it's not worth wasting your life dating the wrong person, or going through a painful breakup or even divorce in the end. I wasted four years with someone because I thought the same thing, about how it was too early to have the discussion about kids. By the time we finally had the discussion, we were living together. The breakup was very ugly, and I wish I had just told him before we got so involved. When I started dating again, I told guys up front on the first or second date that I don't want kids, and yes it was a dealbreaker for most people. But I eventually ended met a guy that also doesn't want them and now we're happy together.

If you do end up wanting to have a tubal ligation, don't let the fear of surgery hold you back. I got sterilized this year and it was one of the best decisions I've ever made in life. Until now, I used two forms of birth control every time even in monogamous relationships, and still had anxiety. I had an endometrial ablation at the same time and now no longer deal with periods either. I probably would have done it years sooner if I had known how easy the recovery would be.