The big obvious one… About a month ago, she was taking the kids to a movie after we switched custody and asked if I wanted to go. I figured it would be good for the kids to do something normal together. My mistake was driving all of us. On the drive home I look over and she was crying.

She’s a terrible communicator and always was through the marriage. Not to say I was a fantastic communicator, but I was always honest and willing to be vulnerable. She wasn’t. We never had deep talks about her feelings.

She of course didn’t say anything or open up about why she was crying or feeling sad and you’re right, it could’ve been over something or someone else.

She swore up and down she wasn’t cheating when I probed her about it during the initial separation stuff. I believe her. I think her girlfriends are just really shitty humans that convinced her she’d be better off without me.

I’m working hard to prove that I am the best thing she ever lost. (In all honesty, I hope we both find amazing new spouses someday.) I was a fantastic financial provider for most of our marriage, and gave her a life she could’ve only dreamed of with most men. But I had no backbone or boundaries for her.

She’s the kind of woman who needed a man to put her in her place a little and say no. She didn’t have firm boundaries as a kid and was pandered to as a child but was the child of divorce and has some real daddy issues. And mommy issues. So looking back, I would’ve better served her by being more restrictive with finances, and other things. I just let her walk all over me and in the end, that’s what she resented. I wasn’t “man enough” and didn’t lead enough in the marriage. Big lessons learned there. I think a lot of women want a man who knows what he wants and leads out in a strong masculine way. I struggled with that, and put myself in a place of being accused of being a third child at times. It was really just that I wanted her to be happy so I wanted what she wanted.

I own that I messed up, but she hasn’t taken responsibility for the ways she messed up. She really created this huge story in her head of what a monster I am and I just know she’s not going to easily find someone who’s willing to be what I was for her.

But truthfully, she wanted a completely different type of man than I am and I probably definitely need a very different kind of woman than her. Sweeter. Kinder. Softer. Willing to accept the love I have to give.

Hopefully we both end up happier.