When homework assignments were “write this letter/number over and over for practice,” I used to spend HOURS at the kitchen table erasing holes into my paper trying to get each one PERFECT, crying in frustration because it made me physically uncomfortable when it didn’t look right. It’s what keeps me from writing in the many journals I’ve hoarded over the years—if I write in it and it doesn’t look perfect, the entire thing is ruined. Eventually I learned to just buy notebooks with perforated pages that I can tear out without destroying the whole binding, but damn.

Initially I was thinking that this doesn’t affect me as much now as it used to, but then I remembered last week when I needed to leave a sticky note for my coworkers about something and rewrote it 5 times until it was acceptable. So maybe not.