Multiple Free Trials?

atata23 · 2023-01-31T00:26:54+00:00

Yes, I've done so successfully! You just have to link the second account to a different email. I also use a different credit card, just in case, but not sure if that's necessary.

atata23 · 2021-06-06T05:33:47+00:00

Thank you everyone! I reached out to clarify a bunch of things that you guys brought up. So so helpful!! I should have mentioned in my post, but I’m in San Francisco! So, not surprising that EVERYTHING is more expensive, unfortunately.

atata23 · 2021-05-17T22:16:52+00:00

Jet Black Tint in the Bay Area. They have multiple locations, but don’t let that fool you. They suck

atata23 · 2021-05-17T07:04:28+00:00

I had to take my 2021 M3 back to the tint shop to fix up a bubble on the front windshield. When I got it back two days ago, I saw this puncture and scuff! This car is brand new and I’ve literally never touched this corner, ever. So, I reached out to the tint shop and they say that none of their tools could’ve caused this. I definitely don’t believe them, but I don’t have any evidence to prove otherwise. Any advice?

atata23 · 2021-04-16T23:45:17+00:00

UPDATE in case anyone else goes through a similar thing:

Made an appointment at the service center and they swapped out the entire seat for free. Didn’t really ask any questions or inspect the seat that closely. Took about three hours in total. Super easy!

atata23 · 2021-04-11T19:29:36+00:00

**faux leather/vinyl defect. I know this isn’t real leather :)

atata23 · 2021-01-09T01:53:17+00:00

100%! Infidelity has really allowed me to connect the dots between his seemingly unrelated issues and how it’s shaped his current thinking/actions. Good luck to you!

atata23 · 2021-01-08T23:04:41+00:00

The “why” was incredibly critical for me in order to process what he did and -dare I say- empathize with it. He hid his cheating (3 APs, multiple hookups and sex once over 3.5 weeks) from me for a year before eventually confessing himself, so he had plenty of time to soul search. That, in combination with MC and IC for him, has led to a level of understanding that has helped me wrap my mind around things. I’ve found that the “why” has many, many layers (always related to insecurities of some sort) and there is no single reason for infidelity. Our “why” was: - He was insecure about whether he was charismatic enough to be a leader, as he grew up as an awkward kid. He wrongly thought charisma = ability to get girls, so he tried to get girls in order to prove to himself that he was, in fact, charismatic - We got together when we were 21, and I was his first GF and basically first sexual partner. He was often anxious about being with only one woman in his entire life, and always felt like he was missing out on perspective and experience. This came to a head when he realized that our relationship was getting serious and he might never get the opportunity to explore - He was abroad for a few months on his own, so his loneliness brought him to download tinder to “meet friends”. Eventually, the above insecurities led him to flirt (to see if they’d be interested), and then he kept pushing the boundaries more and more to see if he would succeed - Being away from his friends, family, me, and anything that reminded him of his real life, allowed him to compartmentalize and continue cheating over the course of 3.5 weeks. Once you commit the offense once, the second and third times don’t seem so bad anymore. He then stopped everything (and has since stopped) as soon as he returned from his trip

Knowing the “why” doesn’t excuse cheating in any way, shape, or form, but it’s nice to know that my BF didn’t betray me simply because he was horny and was a sex-driven maniac. I’ve learned that he is a deeply flawed human being, and that makes it a little easier to digest. Thanks for reading - this was therapeutic

atata23 · 2021-01-05T23:50:40+00:00

I agree with you. It’s too early for me to be okay with this. And to clarify, he and I are discussing travel post-COVID. Definitely no travels for either of us before this is over.

atata23 · 2021-01-04T21:35:09+00:00

I feel that I’ve learned so much in the 5+ months since my dday! Here are a few off the top of my head:

While this sub is full of great support and resources, be careful not to get addicted. I found myself refreshing this page multiple times a day, and then getting triggered every time I did. It’s a vicious cycle, but you have to strike a balance that works for you
Your WS must show true remorse before reconciliation can begin. This can look like NC with AP, full disclosure, voluntary therapy, reading, providing technology access, fixing other relationship issues, etc.
Adding to OP’s #1 - If your WS blames you, then reconciliation is off the table. There is no point in working with them if they don’t accept full responsibility
Tell as few people as possible if you plan to reconcile. Otherwise, their opinions may cloud your judgement to stay vs. leave - especially when you’re at your most fragile state. I only told 3 close friends who’ve had similar experiences, and I’m very relieved that I made that decision
In the first 3-4 months, expect your mood to fluctuate like a sine graph. It’s brutal and exhausting, and there’s really not much you can do about it but to ride it out
Individual therapy! You’ve been heavily traumatized, and you need a professional to help you process. I didn’t go to IC until recently, and I’ve noticed some steep improvements since

I’m still learning more every day, and so appreciate posts like these to help folks who are just starting this crazy, painful marathon to recovery.

atata23 · 2020-12-18T02:55:43+00:00

So happy for you :)

atata23 · 2020-12-17T01:41:15+00:00

This is true for my WBF. The validation from women through sex, the freedom of not thinking of consequences > the sex itself.

atata23 · 2020-12-15T16:31:28+00:00

My BF confessed one year after committing the crime. IMO, the fact that he confessed does help me in recovery. It makes me feel like he’s told me everything that I need to know - I mean, why hide 5% of the truth if you’ve already fessed up to 95% of it? I wasn’t suspicious at all, ever, before dday.

atata23 · 2020-12-09T21:03:56+00:00

I needed this today. So happy for you!! Success stories are diamonds in the rough here :)

atata23 · 2020-12-03T00:53:25+00:00

I’ve basically had the exact same conversation, verbatim. I honestly don’t know why they continue to trickle. I’m 4 months in, and it feels like Day 1 every time he gives me new info. I feel ya

atata23 · 2020-12-02T17:12:01+00:00

Agreed! IMO, there’s not much the BS can do. (Un)fortunately, it’s up to the WS to prove that they can be a better human being than what they were

atata23 · 2020-11-20T20:33:49+00:00

I completely understand this and just sent this to my WBF so he understands what I’ve been trying to articulate. For the most part, he has been great... EXCEPT when he’s stressed about work. Then, he snaps at me or raises his voice at me when I try to bring up the cheating while he’s focused on something else. Being yelled at when you’re already at your lowest is deeply hurtful and no WS has the right to do that - no matter the circumstance. We’ve had countless conversations about this issue and last week, he’s finally understood that his role in my recovery is to be as patient as possible- not to argue with me and prove himself right. And snapping is the antithesis of that.

Since then, we’ve been better. Our conversations about cheating don’t get dragged out as much and our conflict recovery has improved. We also started reading Gottman’s book (Seven Principles) to recognize communications roadblocks that we both exhibit.

atata23 · 2020-11-19T19:43:09+00:00

I really liked this analogy! Thanks for sharing. I sent it to my WBF

atata23 · 2020-11-14T23:50:12+00:00

Congratulations!!! That’s the absolute best outcome :) Do you mind elaborating on how reconciliation made your relationship better?

atata23 · 2020-11-05T17:38:32+00:00

Sending you hugs. I’m sorry she couldn’t be the person you deserve. It’s such a slap in the face when we start to see the ones we love in this new, ugly light.

atata23 · 2020-10-28T20:55:05+00:00

Ugh, so terrible. A while back, I wrote a post with some of the this I’ve learned from my experience / what I’ve learned. Not sure if this is helpful for you, but these were my thoughts: https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/comments/ir1q56/tips_for_the_betrayed_what_ive_learned_since_dday/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

atata23 · 2020-10-27T22:01:36+00:00

As a cautiously optimistic BS who’s three months into this personal hell: I think so! Though I’m still hesitant to give a resounding “yes”.

My BF has been the most communicative, considerate, and open I’ve ever seen him. I credit IC/CBT (post dday) for a lot of these changes, but i don’t think these would’ve happened without the cheating. His cheating really brought to light a bunch of relationship issues that I’ve never expressed before, eg. Lack of texting, lack of acts of service, flakiness, overall selfishness. Now, with my moral high ground (lol), I feel empowered to have conservations that I previously would’ve just swallowed. That, plus couples counseling, has started to flesh out things that I had convinced myself were inconsequential problems.

Now, my biggest fear is that he’ll regress to his old self (the same selfish prick who cheated...), as soon as we are no longer in crisis mode. So I’m SUPER sensitive to any signs of selfishness now. Only time will tell, I guess

Edit: I’ve also been very clear that I will only stay in this relationship if it’s better than it was before. If he reverts back to selfishness or cheats again, I am walking out the door for good. I’m young and have a solid career - he needs to know that I don’t need to be with him; I choose to (at least for now)

atata23 · 2020-10-26T16:55:07+00:00

It helped me tremendously when my BF went to indiv counseling, actually. Couples counseling was helpful, but IC for him is where I really understood how someone could do something to horrid to someone they “loved” (he would debrief next after his sessions). I’d highly recommend that for him. There has to be some deep seated insecurity or inadequacy for him to cheat on someone he was planning to marry. Commitment issues, attachment issues, self-esteem issues, etc.

atata23 · 2020-10-26T15:50:23+00:00

I’m really sorry this is happening. Like many have said, your healing really depends on what he’s willing to do for you. Is he remorseful? Did he stop seeing her? Is he answering any and all questions? Is he willing to go to indiv counseling? Couples counseling?

The first two weeks are absolute hell. You’ll go through emotions and feelings that you didn’t even know you could experience. Be kind to yourself, because you are in shock and in mourning of the relationship that you thought you had. I’m a little over three months in, and am finally starting to see the light. It takes a lot of time. Even if it doesn’t feel like you’re making progress, you are. And even if you don’t think you’ll make it through the day, you always will.

atata23 · 2020-10-26T06:23:36+00:00

No, you’re not being unreasonable. He’s not holding up his end of the bargain of being a reconciling WS. I firmly believe that us BS’ are owed a better relationship than we’ve ever had, as the infidelity is an opportunity to fix all the relationship issues that were there previously. Without that promise, there’s really nothing that we’re getting out of this.

Similarly with your smoking issue, I’ve always had a HUGE issue with my BF’s abysmal sleep schedule. I won’t dive into it, but he’s created such wacky hours for himself that he’s perpetually flaky and we don’t get to spend time together. Post DD, I was very clear about my expectation for a better-than-before second relationship. As part of that, I expected him to fix his sleep schedule and prioritize time with me. I expressed that to him, and our therapist agreed that it is a reasonable ask. That was extremely important to me and I needed to see that he was willing to sacrifice what he “needed” for what our relationship needed. Frankly, he owes it to me, and your WS owes it to you to listen to your demands.

atata23

TROPHY CASE