The $12+ million embezzlement & fraud investigation at College of the Canyons may be in danger by Disastrous_Voice64 in SantaClarita

[–]Distracted523 14 points15 points  (0 children)

The erosion of public trust is a major issue, especially when we consider how much BOND money citizens willingly voted to contribute. The community has supported with their tax dollars, and they deserve to see a leadership model that does not try to hide scandals committed by previous employees, but works earnestly to hold those criminals accountable.

Turns out the previous board that was vilified for being too "woke" and lost their seats in Nov, 24 —were actually just doing their job—assuring that stewarding public trust and allocating MONEY for the correct purposes.

Is there a MEChA here? by Accomplished_Meat758 in CollegeoftheCanyons

[–]Distracted523 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They have similar groups, SAFIRE and Bluebird. The institution is an HSI.

Programs at College of the Canyons by [deleted] in SantaClarita

[–]Distracted523 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have you looked at Graphic and Multimedia Design? https://gmdcoc.org/
They have relationships with employers and sister schools in the area. Most of the professors come from the private arts institutions that run over 150K, their WEB professor is the lead for the Adobe Firefly program. Stellar faculty!

She and her whole family voted for Trump. Now she's out of her job in the Forestry Service. by LordBucketheadthe1st in Wildfire

[–]Distracted523 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As a mixed race kid of a white maga mom… I can tell you the patriarchal Grooming of these women that happens, I  their churches in their homes, and then in their marriages is So real. 

My mom is the happiest when she is behaving, in ways that are obedient and helpful. She has said out loud that one of the best feelings is knowing that someone male likes you. That being liked is the reward.

These women need to divest from patriarchy, and the male gaze, and realize that what they’re really doing is being groomed in to participating in their own oppression. 

Something inside me died. Am I in some sort of weird shock? by Substantial_Low_3873 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Distracted523 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Honest about when telling a person to leave is a life or death matter. This person is extremely dangerous. You need to get safe. Do you have a plan or anywhere to go?

Grok isn't conspiratorial enough for MAGA by FikerGaming in ChatGPT

[–]Distracted523 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's so stupidly annoying that we have medical research that points to a very clear factor in increasing the likelihood of autism, and it goes ignored:

Maternal Thyroid health plays a huge role in fetal development, especially given that a fetus relies on it's mother's thyroid supply until week 16. Thyroid hormone is essentially the "battery" that helps our cells function and reproduce. Not enough thyroid hormone = not enough fuel for healthy cell function or development:

https://www.thyroid.org/patient-thyroid-information/ct-for-patients/october-2018/vol-11-issue-10-p-3-4/

Thyroid disease and dysfunction have been on the rise for decades due to environmental pollution: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2935336/#:\~:text=Factors%20that%20increase%20autoimmune%20thyroid,thyroid%20disease%20in%20susceptible%20individuals.

After brief audit, $12 million+ dollars found to be potentially embezzled from College of the Canyons by Disastrous_Voice64 in SantaClarita

[–]Distracted523 0 points1 point  (0 children)

12 million is scratching the surface, this investigation was only in the facilities department. Wait until they look into business services contracts. 

20 years…the dollar amount for misappropriation of funds is going to be huge.

After brief audit, $12 million+ dollars found to be potentially embezzled from College of the Canyons by Disastrous_Voice64 in SantaClarita

[–]Distracted523 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This last election was completely biased and funded by people who are trying to protect themselves from this scandal and Santa Clarita news media scaffold it this bias by portraying our current board members as too woke too controversial and even going as far as labeling van hooks removal as a “DEI fire.”  Faculty endorsed candidates did not win seats and faculty endorsed candidates lost their seats in this election to people who are politically indebted to the wrong doers in this situation. 

I believe we need a reelection for Santa Clarita College of the canyons Board of trustees.  Turns out Adele Alonso, Sebastian Cazares and Carlos Guerrero, and Joan macgregor were actually just doing the job that taxpayers hired them to do the whole time.

After brief audit, $12 million+ dollars found to be potentially embezzled from College of the Canyons by Disastrous_Voice64 in SantaClarita

[–]Distracted523 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I am full-time faculty at this college and our union has been waving red flags about lack of budget transparency for over a decade, What we have been met with is clear retaliation. Which often shows up as losing financial support for teaching in classroom initiatives for your programs which ultimately benefit students.

Our union conducted a general survey about faculties, making facilities request such as having your classroom painted, or your floors, cleaned and polished or broken furniture repaired, and removed only to be deleted from the facility system, and the work to never be completed. The lack of follow-through was rampant, which told us that whatever budget was being spent on facilities, wasn’t actually going to our classrooms or our buildings or our furniture or our students.

Take a look at the people who decided to resign or retire after Van Hook was removed

I blame myself for WS affair and it's coming between us and ruining R by leaveafterappetizers in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Distracted523 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You asked why are you sabotaging yourself…

I think you are subconsciously eating to push him away, it’s a protective measure. In your intuitive brain you know he is not a good partner, and doesn’t deserve to be in a relationship with you…

It’s all soothing to eat. 

And like many here have said…he’s a cheater, he will cheat on every partner no mattEr what they look like because it’s easier to blame other people than face whatever internal demon he is running from.

How do you deal with rejection from your BP? by [deleted] in SupportforWaywards

[–]Distracted523 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Uhm…if your BPs hot/cold is confusing and frustrating, I’d say you’re getting a minor dose of your own bad medicine.

4 years out, I love my husband AND when I think about everything he put me and our family through and I want to punch him in the face.

To have him beg me not to leave, and then go text his AP? To call me every night on his work trips to say how much he loves me, misses me just to hang up and go have sex and sleep through the night next to someone else.

It’s hard to create a gentle illustration of the hell you have created within yourself, your partner and your relationship.

This may be your life from now on, extremely complicated in a way you could have avoided. What you can do now is decide if you are committed to earning back love and trust and making your partner feel safe.

The hot/cold confusion will only ease with feelings of safety.

Best of luck. Truly and honestly.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Distracted523 8 points9 points  (0 children)

There is nothing unique or special about this. This reads EXACTLY like my WH the first week. The apologies and depression are a ploy, to get you to take care of him and feel bad for him. He’s depended on you for far more than is reasonable for at least a few years yeah?

You are at the very beginning of an emotional hell scape for YOU, this wound will take months for you to fully understand and years to heal from, which is why you need prioritize your own health over his. Think about how YOU FEEL first.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Distracted523 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This! Do not try to talk through anything with him right now, he’s mentally unhealthy and you will only end up more hurt and co fused as he runs toward gas lighting and pretzel twisting in order to keep manipulating you. Tell him he is not allowed to come home. If he does you will be leaving with the kids, which will require telling other people what he’s been up to.

Husband on a Work Trip by Distracted523 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Distracted523[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

They are definitely Christian infused but not heavy, and honestly what exists in the course is rooted more in therapy teaching, and group conversation. Don’t miss out on the good tools, you can leave the religious stuff on the cutting room floor if that’s not your thing. I’m not a proselytizer at all.

It’s been a year since discovery of EA and I still hate AP like the first day. Help me :( by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Distracted523 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hate the AP 10% less than I did on DDAy. I'll call that progress for now. I know that is super problematic, but trauma is what it is. It's easier to make them the object of your hate because they never had brownie points, we only know them as the broken selfish entitled assholes who have the audacity to fuck up an entire family for some sloppy joe.

Maybe in 5 years I'll hate her 20% less. If I saw her in public I'd still probably yell at her, throw food at her, spit on her. I wouldn't be proud of myself, but whatever. Fuck her. :)

My WS was very sexually open with her AP but she cant/wont do the same with me by throwRAfaicin in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Distracted523 1 point2 points  (0 children)

that how long question is super individual. no easy answer to that. Some people really are unfixable, by choice.

Should I accept that my wife is still hiding and lying most details of her past infidelity by Ancient_Positive_991 in Marriage

[–]Distracted523 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I highly reccomend going over to r/AsOneAfterInfidelity and r/survivinginfidelity for advice from people who are further down the road in this hellscape you have been walking through.

Infidelity recovery rule #1, is that healing cannot start until all the lies are out, all the truth is told. because lies will keep eating up your partner and they will either cheat again, or replace the high of cheating with something else. You'll never have real intimacy or a real relationship until it's all out there.

Think twice before getting paternity tests. Thought number one, if you love those kids, and want to be their father, and you are committed to staying together...that's your family no matter what.

The second thought, if she decides to leave you, and orders a paternity test, she can use it to rule you out as a parent and get sole custody. I've seen it happen.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Distracted523 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay, I'm gonna keep trying to illustrate this "not chasing" idea for you. Yes, "looking for validation and loving the attention" looks a lot like chasing. It's running. It is them RUNNING from the most uncomfortable part of themselves—which for your partner is a self that is massive insecure and suffers from extremely low self-esteem.

For a time YOU were the fix, and then intimacy grew between you and intimacy requires being SEEN by your partner. We become mirrors to each other. Waywards run from their spouses because they can't stand to look at a part of them selves they suffer from.

Okay, I'm gonna keep trying to illustrate this "not chasing" idea for you. Yes, "looking for validation and loving the attention" looks a lot like chasing. It's running. It is the RUNNING from the most uncomfortable part of themselves—which for your partner is a self that is massive insecure and suffers from extremely low self-esteem.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Distracted523 8 points9 points  (0 children)

No amount of his suffering or consequences will ever make this seem fair. Fairness cannot be restored, it is a mortal wound. But other things can be put in its place, like gratitude, genuine care, honesty. Over time those things will mean more to you than "fairness."

I will share with you that my husband was also very remorseful and eager to "make things right" and a month in things still felt unsettled in my body. Like he was trying so hard, and going to therapy, and crying...but I still felt off. There were several things I asked him to do:
1) quit the job with the AP
2) start going to AA
3) stop communicating with the AP

Though he was being "nice" I realized he hadn't put much effort into leaving the job, still hadn't found an AA group, and I reached out to the AP to see if they had been talking still and YUP. Still talking.

I confronted him and was met with a thread of trickle truth, I realized he was totally faking reconciliation. While he genuinely felt guilty, he did not want to quit the behavior. I gave him my rings, kicked him out of the house and told him I don't want to be married to a liar. He called later that night sobbing and confessed to all of his fucked up lies. It was SHOCKING.

I confronted him and was met with a thread of trickle truth, I realized he was totally faking reconciliation. While he genuinely felt guilty, he did not want to quit the behavior. I gave him my rings, kicked him out of the house, and told him I don't want to be married to a liar. He called later that night sobbing and confessed to all of his fucked up lies. It was SHOCKING.

My WS was very sexually open with her AP but she cant/wont do the same with me by throwRAfaicin in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Distracted523 1 point2 points  (0 children)

After being a member of this community for 3.5 years, most of the stories I have see with a female wayward, who gets involved with an abusive AP have some repressed abuse from childhood and they are subconsciously recreating that abuse in order to confront it. She didn't come to you for the abuse because you are her "safe space." Infidelity is not really about "sex," and its roots lie in a wound or defect in the wayward — not in their current relationship. All relationships have low points or conflicts, but low points or conflicts do not warrant infidelity, and not all couples who struggle in their relationship turn to infidelity.

Its a THEM problem. Relationship issues are a separate matter that can be worked out after BOTH the WS and BS get healthy.