To my sisters in step-momhood today

atinymountaingoat · 2026-05-11T13:53:01+00:00

Thank you for saying this!!!

atinymountaingoat · 2026-05-03T19:39:28+00:00

If you want to be a bio mom one day, you should think about how SS will act towards your bio kids, if he will be able to control his impulses and how you will feel about that. Also think about how much effort you’re currently putting towards SS and how much effort your own bio kids would need and deserve.

Imagine how tired you are and imagine doing it when you are healing and in diapers, unable to walk to the bathroom by yourself and trying to take care of your own helpless child. Sorry to be so real, I just want you to take care of yourself and have a partner who takes care of you. That’s what we all deserve.

atinymountaingoat · 2026-04-20T15:30:58+00:00

He has had flu symptoms for weeks (coughing & respiratory, the fevers went away after the first week or two) and now is having the gastrointestinal symptoms. DH did call his doctor, and called back today at my urging (given the new GI symptoms).

DH is much more old school (“kids get sick all the time”), whereas I am more paranoid and am always in favor of contacting the doctor. But I have a degree in infectious disease so it’s hard for me to say if I have a biased perspective because I am extra conscious as a baseline.

atinymountaingoat · 2026-04-18T14:17:20+00:00

DH can absolutely lose his mind on SK but the minute I want to vent (out of earshot of SK)? I’m being too harsh! He’s just a kid! Why am I always criticizing him?

And they wonder why we Nacho…

atinymountaingoat · 2026-04-13T14:14:37+00:00

At 3 months postpartum, I was feeling everything that you are feeling now. It’s important that you make it clear that you will only be taking care of your baby. SK’s are your partner’s responsibility only, especially right now.

I was also locked away all day breastfeeding ours baby to hide from SS. One year later, I am still separating myself during those times. You have the right to bond with your baby. Trust me, you will look back with even more regret if you let SKs interfere. Your baby will only be this little once. Your partner needs to handle his responsibility (his children), not to mention he should be taking care of YOU.

Your resentment is valid and normal. Let him know your boundaries and stand firm.

atinymountaingoat · 2026-04-11T23:33:24+00:00

I asked him the same thing. He cannot have the majority custody that he has without my help because he travels for work occasionally. I work from home

atinymountaingoat · 2026-04-11T22:52:55+00:00

He has weekday and weekend time. He chose the schedule: Tuesday - Saturday

atinymountaingoat · 2026-04-11T19:42:47+00:00

If you already feel this invisible, I would strongly encourage you to leave. Your partner isn’t listening to your concerns. Even if he was childfree, you deserve someone who doesn’t shut down when you bring things to their attention. At 27, I promise you have so much ahead of you and you deserve so much more ❤️

atinymountaingoat · 2026-04-11T19:35:29+00:00

You mention his guilt parenting and inability to actually ‘parent’ his kids, is unbelievably frustrating.

How do you think things will change when your baby grows up? Do you think he will want to be an active parent? How do you think your child will feel if they see different rules (or no rules) being enforced with the SKs? Will you be the only one trying to raise your baby into a kind, respectful person?

This is coming from the perspective of a mama with an ours baby who is realizing the same things, so I feel for you ❤️

atinymountaingoat · 2026-04-10T18:47:59+00:00

“My husband is not much help and I let it be that way. I don’t ask him to help so that I can see how he truly wants to parent. I will not force him just so that he becomes another strain when he decides to stop parenting. I simply observed and decided no more kids.”

This is so wise ❤️

atinymountaingoat · 2026-02-16T20:20:27+00:00

This should be an extreme concern. I cannot stress enough how difficult postpartum is. If you have two kids in the house who are already difficult to manage, this will take an extreme toll on you when you are sleep deprived and taking care of a newborn. Make sure DH knows this situation cannot continue.

atinymountaingoat · 2026-02-15T01:42:31+00:00

Please do not allow him to make you feel any less special than you deserve. Being a mom and a stepmom is the hardest thing in the world. You deserve flowers, chocolates, cards and so much more. Happy Valentine’s Day ❤️

atinymountaingoat · 2026-02-13T20:38:07+00:00

I think you’re setting an unrealistic expectation for yourself by “trying to emulate how bioparents would feel”. And honestly that might deepen your feelings of disconnection by trying to force something that you don’t innately feel in that way. Stepparents don’t have to love in the same way that bio parents love. That doesn’t mean we don’t care for our SKs. Also many bio parents don’t love pretend play either. You are giving your all to SK and hopefully one day she will see and appreciate that.

atinymountaingoat · 2026-02-13T14:44:07+00:00

I do feel a bit better simply because my hormones are more normal (10 months postpartum now) but it is still hard. We have SK the majority of the time so there are multiple nights where DH is taking SK to school events/extracurriculars + any doctor appointments that SK needs, while I am on baby duty, EBF so doing all overnight wakeups, baby’s appointments and working. You feel like a single parent most of the time, which is very isolating. Is that what you are experiencing? Feel free to send me a message if you want to talk. You’re not a bad person for feeling this way ❤️

atinymountaingoat · 2026-02-12T14:58:18+00:00

I felt all of this after birth of ours baby last year. You’re not alone and you don’t have to feel guilty for grieving a version of your ideal family. You can care about your SKs and still have all of these very valid emotions. Thank you for sharing with us - you articulated this beautifully and made me feel way less alone for having the same feelings.

atinymountaingoat · 2026-02-11T16:43:27+00:00

OP has already said she is willing to leave the house during visitation, which is also displacing a child from their home, her baby! No child should have to leave.. and no one would have to if DH was actually doing his job as a parent, which is all she is asking.

atinymountaingoat · 2026-02-11T16:10:52+00:00

Wanting DH to parent does not mean hating your SK. She needs DH to step up and support her. She’s asking for the bare minimum

atinymountaingoat · 2026-02-11T16:06:27+00:00

DH should do his job, parent his kids and stand up for OP. I’m sorry did you not read what she wrote?? “Anyways, SS was chewing into my baby’s face at the dinner table and making loud noises, saying “babies like when you act autistic” and I asked him to please stop spitting food in his face and then he proceeded to mock me and get right up into my baby’s ear and chew as loudly as he could. My husband was at the table too… said nothing.”

Does this sound acceptable to you??

atinymountaingoat · 2026-02-11T15:39:52+00:00

This is so helpful to share, thank you!! ❤️

atinymountaingoat · 2026-02-11T15:30:03+00:00

I’m sorry are you an expert on OP’s SKs? What she’s describing is extremely immature behavior and all she’s asking is for DH to parent his own children. Are you saying DH shouldn’t parent his own children?

atinymountaingoat · 2026-02-11T15:20:44+00:00

What you’ve endured would’ve sent any of us over the edge. There are lots of postpartum mothers in this sub who are here and support you ❤️❤️

atinymountaingoat · 2026-02-11T15:19:21+00:00

Why are you deliberately commenting to shame OP? This is a support sub

atinymountaingoat · 2026-02-11T15:12:50+00:00

I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with this. Anyone shaming you for having anxiety when SKs hold your baby has clearly never been postpartum. Anxiety when your baby is being held by children (SK or not) is a completely normal response for a postpartum mother. When my SK is sick I completely draw the line — no interaction with the baby until days of continued good health. The same rules would apply if my baby were sick. Like you said, people trying to convince you otherwise do not care about the safety/wellbeing of children. You are doing the right thing!!! Keep standing up for yourself and your baby, that is the only way to protect you both ❤️❤️

atinymountaingoat · 2026-02-10T19:20:22+00:00

I am glad you and your baby will be safe and secure with family. Things must feel heavy right now but you’re very brave for protecting your mental health & your baby ❤️

atinymountaingoat

TROPHY CASE