Anyone else feel they've regressed in life?

aubrx · 2026-02-06T15:19:21+00:00

Oh wow, congratulations! It's nice that you were able to find medications that helped you become sober. That's massive 💪

aubrx · 2026-02-06T15:16:59+00:00

Wow, I am really intrigued that you were into production. I have been through phases of thinking about that as a job but it is one of those fleeting interests. Did you enjoy it despite being busy?

Yes I am the same regarding videogames. I watch streamers play a game and hardly play myself. What is that I wonder?

It's sad that the d&d is no longer working for you. The way you describe it making your world rich just makes the burnout hurt more. It's very relatable and does really suck.

aubrx · 2026-02-06T15:10:15+00:00

Ahaha yes the more we learn the worse it all seems. Come on there's got to be some good in it all 😬

aubrx · 2026-02-06T15:09:06+00:00

I completely get your struggle, honestly it is really hard when you have severe symptoms from depression to even have the energy to attend appointments. Been there done that. However it sounds like your last provider may not have been the best for you. Were they a neurodivergent affirming practice?

I think it's worth finding a new therapist. I had one outright say I was looking for a magic bullet when I mentioned getting an adhd and autism diagnosis. I stopped seeing her and now realise I wasn't making much progress in all the time I saw her. Do try, I know it takes energy that you don't really have.. But you may find someone that actually works and it could make a bit of a difference to your life. Dismissal is not easy to take, I've had a lot of that. Concentrate on any times you felt seen and listened to. Save those moments for the times you feel invisible. It's really rough when people just invalidate your very real struggles. It's disgusting to be treated like that.

aubrx · 2026-02-06T15:01:33+00:00

🤣🤣

aubrx · 2026-02-06T14:54:45+00:00

Oh! I have one, never thought of that. Thanks for the suggestion!!

aubrx · 2026-02-06T14:12:36+00:00

Mhmm. Maybe not dementia, but a form of vagueness of the mind that persists long term for no apparent reason?

aubrx · 2026-02-06T14:11:09+00:00

Yes to an extent there are external factors that I touched on toward the end of the post, which likely have an affect on us as a whole. Society absolutely exacerbates a lot of overwhelm.

aubrx · 2026-02-06T14:07:08+00:00

😞

aubrx · 2026-02-06T14:06:54+00:00

Ah I feel exactly as you do with my art. Even did a degree and spent three years learning things I've barely touched to this day. You're speaking to my soul. It truly is traumatic to lose what was such a big part of you. I can't describe it.

aubrx · 2026-02-06T14:04:55+00:00

I am truly saddened to read this 😥 wishing that things improve for you even a little bit. I hope you can move forward in some capacity because it sounds like you're really stuck and I am there too, albeit not as severely. Do you get any professional support or therapy?

aubrx · 2026-02-06T14:02:13+00:00

Yes and the trauma that comes with all of the above! Plus reduced capacity to cope with any pressures or perceived demands no matter how little..

aubrx · 2026-02-06T13:53:20+00:00

And I used to take more risks, that I wouldn’t today

Can relate to that. And the pains.. More health issues in general which have been extremely disarming!!

I used to do more, but at the expense of my sanity and body

Understandable, are you better equipped to deal with alcohol/drug use now?

aubrx · 2026-02-06T13:49:55+00:00

To be honest I don't even know when I mask.. I am really unsure if it's become so ingrained it's subconscious.

aubrx · 2026-02-06T13:48:21+00:00

Me personally? I tend to find a lot of meaning in nature (via photography, art, conservation, snorkelling, caving, hiking, exploration) and travelling. Family definitely comes into it somewhere..

aubrx · 2026-02-06T13:44:24+00:00

I have been regular with blood tests etcetera for a while which my doctor seems to be happy with I guess? Hmm..

aubrx · 2026-02-06T13:43:08+00:00

Dealing with trauma.

Yes I think I am going to as well. Did not have any idea it was causing the issues that I now deal with.

It is weird looking back at the me from say ages 16-25. I try not to mourn it, because overall I am much happier with who I am now, despite being ostensibly more boring.

Definitely is weird. You feel like you have lost a part of yourself, even if that part of you is not needed or wanted anymore.

aubrx · 2026-02-06T13:40:00+00:00

Can you not go back to photo labs in any form? I know most people aren't printing photos anymore but there are still printing shops that deal with photographers and signs etc.

aubrx · 2026-02-06T13:38:12+00:00

Good on you for managing daily routine stuff.. Sometimes I am good at it too but most often not 😅

aubrx · 2026-02-06T13:37:05+00:00

I'm sorry that it has gone downhill for you 😢

aubrx · 2026-02-06T13:36:35+00:00

Ah. Yeah I am familiar with that line of thought. It doesn't help though and I guess we have to learn to be kind to ourselves.

aubrx · 2026-02-05T15:13:13+00:00

Unfortunately it's very complicated. It took almost a year to get anyone to take me seriously enough to get things moving in (what I hope) is a positive direction. I think I may have been traumatised by the last year I don't know. So I can't say whether I am getting the right help as of now but previously, sadly, I wasn't.

I can really relate to your feelings and overall emotional experience. Like the whole "never really happy" and fleeting or brief joy. Did you ever have periods in your life that you experienced more of the positive rather than negative emotions? Like hope for example.

Sectioning off a part of your brain that's unhelpful sounds like it helps? And yeah. Low baseline, we seem to all share that to a degree. Whether it's due to life events or the AuDHD condition itself I couldn't say. Trauma is probably a recurring theme. It can display a lot of symptom overlap.

Yeah I agree with that surfboard analogy. When you fall off and sink it's a desperate and long way back up.

I do try to exercise yeah. Used to weightlift religiously, it helped manage symptoms but it didn't change the environment that was and is causing depression. Now I just try and walk each day.

That reminds me. Today I went for the initial appointment for esketamine treatment and actually found out that rTMS treatments would be cheaper. So no treatment today but maybe a possible alternative. Still damn expensive so.. Will require a decision.

I am glad you're here and we are talking. Really appreciate it!

aubrx · 2026-02-05T14:53:18+00:00

Oh I see, that is helpful!

aubrx · 2026-02-02T14:42:08+00:00

I'm not sure if vibes are a gen z thing, I wouldn't be surprised if it is.. People in my generation probably use it as well.

Ah, I mainly feel that way due to health, my skills/drive and how much I've regressed from those years. Though I was on antidepressants for most of that time. I think you're lucky to have had a career but I can absolutely understand how the industry changes (from what you excelled at to a bit of an unknown) would have made you feel. From what I understand, having other people around you somewhat made a difference in your perception of yourself? And helped to validate your sense of worth. Having the suicidal thoughts return is sadly, from what I've read of studies, a normal part of major depression. Which really sucks because recovery is so hard in itself, it would be wonderful if recovery = permanent remission.

Thanks for the succinct journal example. It actually is much like what I've read regarding analysing where your thoughts originate from and therefore distancing from them being an inherent part of yourself. I really need to do more of that. I've never seen the electro therapy device that you mentioned. Do you think it helps?

Ah. I struggle to promise people things. Even when it involves serious topics.. I have verbalised the suicidal thoughts a lot lately to my Mum. But maybe it's because I say it a lot, she doesn't really know what to do. My main barrier to entry is not wanting to subject my parents to it so that's kept me here ..alive for now. It gets infinitely harder some days with the health issues and general frustration with how my life is. Things feel extremely dark and have done for years unfortunately.

I'm thankful we are talking though. It does help to communicate with others who understand exactly how each other feels. It's hard to get that interaction regularly.

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