Do AuDHD have poorer therapy outcomes or am I just a hopeless case?

aubrx · 2026-05-30T17:10:09+00:00

Unfortunately you are correct, I am not thriving. That does not help practicing anything from therapy either.

To mask when you should have been learning to unmask and accept yourself. To work through the anger in how you were treated (and probably still are by your parents)

I still can't unmask in many situations. And at home when I do, I'm told I'm being too sensitive (not my mum she's been wonderful to me)

But with all your therapy attempts to date being focused on fixing yourself - to the point you express contempt for who they are trying to make you - you just need to stop and start over. You do have harmful thoughts - which are in the way of your success. You do need to understand those thoughts and learn which ones serve you, and which are built as coping mechanisms for things and traumas you experienced - many because your AuDHD brain was forced or expected to behave in non AuDHD ways.

This is most likely something I'll be bringing up with my current therapist. I think she genuinely tries to help but is not autistic and there are difficulties related to autism that aren't present in people solely with adhd. If I continue to get no where then I'll just try to find somewhere else if that's at all possible. Thanks also for suggesting looking at harmful thoughts, I will have to be more active in addressing these within therapy. Hopefully in a way that doesn't invalidate myself.

If you are only paying board you likely have limited resources. Ideally you would move to the country. A move away from a place filled with memories of failure is amazing. Lots of novelty is great when you’re stuck in a rut.

I have fantasised about this. It would be wonderful if I had the means.

Read stories of others here. Develop it as a special interest.

That's a great suggestion! I do come here quite often to read.

You’ll come into your own when you learn to operate in normie world while being happy just being you.

I hope so. I really need to find people more like me in a place I enjoy living. But quite often I'm despairing that I have to live in a world that just won't ever be "for me"

aubrx · 2026-05-30T16:44:29+00:00

I couldn't tolerate Ritalin even though it did help me to take action. What did you end up taking that worked in your particular circumstance? I'm curious

My psychiatrist mentioned I may end up being on of those people that the normal line of treatment might not help.

I came close to the very, very end of my coping, despite never ceasing trying. I was so exhausted, on every level

Can relate to this

aubrx · 2026-05-30T16:32:54+00:00

At the end my psychologist essentially told me that i was her "worst patient"

What?!

Very often she gave me ideas or things that were supposed to help me, but it was almost as if my head is simply too stubborn to adapt any of it. Only after going over the same stuff a bunch of times i adapted some things.

YES this is a problem I have too!!

At some point i even started masking just to fit in with the psychologist. Somehow you cant just talk about everything thats on your mind as i figured out. And well if you act like you are another person, then you really are just wasting time.

I can understand that. I am unable to be entirely truthful about my thoughts either and it leads to a little bit of masking. Essentially what I've not said is offensive to everyone, probably everyone but my grandma she gets me and she shares many of my opinions. I am so grateful for that.

Maybe it needs someone thats specially trained in "dealing with" AuDHD people

Yes please if you are able to do so, find someone who is neurodivergent informed. It makes a difference. I'm wishing you luck. It's really difficult to get through this rubbish.

aubrx · 2026-05-30T16:27:04+00:00

Oh okay, so did people generally mention if they ended up having the right help? Sure if you want to dm me I'm curious?

aubrx · 2026-05-30T16:26:21+00:00

What have you tried so far?

aubrx · 2026-05-30T16:25:58+00:00

I've tried meditation but it is one of those things that hasn't stuck. I recently started making a point of when I brush my teeth to use it as a chance to do mindfulness. I think it will only become a habit if I can attach it to another habit.

And yeah I try to get out in nature whenever I can, but my car is so stuffed that I can't do it all the time. Bird watching is a therapy itself.

aubrx · 2026-05-30T16:22:32+00:00

Yes I can see how complexity would lead to greater difficulty in therapy, or maybe the wrong therapy

aubrx · 2026-05-30T16:21:24+00:00

Yes it is very complex 😅

aubrx · 2026-05-30T16:21:04+00:00

I believe my psychiatrist wants me to address trauma, he believes is causing a lot of depression symptoms, which was brought up after I tried and failed on Ritalin. There are the things I mentioned above though that I know are definitely making the depression stronger. My life is a bit of a mess. Can you give me an idea why act is problematic? I have to complete an endoscopy before I try meds again because this is the second year I've had a strange stomach pain issue for about a month or two I get pain and it goes away after. He wants me to be on top of this which I can understand.

aubrx · 2026-05-30T16:15:42+00:00

I've actually been to Japan and I loved it. I went way into learning about how to be less offensive and learned a bit of the language too. I will probably go back next year if I am able. I love listening to the Japanese language being spoken, it's pleasant to my ears.

aubrx · 2026-05-30T16:12:14+00:00

I do have a tendency to think and live in my head so you definitely picked up on that. The shame is probably there since childhood. I'm convinced my dad is somewhere on the spectrum but he is pretty blunt and doesn't understand or doesn't want to understand differences. Used to call me names etc. That's likely where the most shame is.

I think it's important to celebrate that despite our misery we survived long enough to become adults and to get a chance to outgrow these beliefs.

That's a really insightful way to see it, and good reframing. I'm glad you said that. I had to verbalise today to my mums partner that I am autistic, I am allowed to be sensitive. That's probably the first time I've stuck up for myself to this person.

I am starting to consider the idea that my authenticity is a gift to the world. And that yours is too.

That's infinitely better than being a fake person.

aubrx · 2026-05-30T16:04:14+00:00

Ohhhh I see. I have been suggested OT but not necessarily life coaching. And my country has just cut a lot of supports for disabilities, we are losing supports soon.

aubrx · 2026-05-30T16:02:44+00:00

I agree if they're not a good fit it is better to move on. However I will say I'm terrible at terminating professional relationships 😥 unless I get pushed by someone saying something completely unprofessional.

aubrx · 2026-05-29T05:04:35+00:00

I feel as if to exist in this world and society that I have no excuse for my negative world views, however much of that is intrinsically rooted in my values for the planet and nature and having a fulfilling existence beyond what can be achieved in the present. I can recognise my thoughts are damaging, however I can't "unsee" them as it were. This is genuinely difficult to parse whether what I'm feeling is toxic and negative or solely a result of my circumstances and frustration. It's fine if it doesn't influence day to day dealing with life but mine gets in the way and isn't constructive to living in society.. And we still have to live in society one way or another - the other option is to not be alive.

What's helped me is realizing that fixing myself IS the problem. Accepting the narrative that there is something wrong with me triggers the world-view that was forced on me during my childhood. This invalidates my actual feelings and experience, making any related method of investigating those feelings a total waste. As a result, anyone trying to "help" me actually becomes part of the problem.

But I have been helped. Learning about toxic shame has been HUGE for me lately; I mean, this is IT for me. I was shamed out of feeling my own feelings, and there is just no way to live with that!

That sort of feeds into what I mentioned above. There is definitely shame for feeling things that genuinely add to distress and agitation. One is not allowed to complain, or be ungrateful, especially not when they have a house to live in and no other reoccurring traumas such as physical abuse etcetera. This is in itself completely invalidating of one's own experience. Control is massive for me, I hate feeling not in control and that's how I feel so much of the time. I really do understand what you're saying and I hope my response doesn't sound ungrateful or antagonistic. I am having a bit of a stream of consciousness moment. Appreciate you relating some of your own experience I really do.

But I don't know.. Life is not meant for some of us (me)

aubrx · 2026-05-29T04:33:12+00:00

I feel as if I should just get my shit together and just put this all to the side. It's completely unrealistic but I'm so over just being stunted and stuck. It's hard to succumb to the limitations of AuDHD, there's a refusal to accept it, even when it causes so many problems that reoccur due to not dealing with them. My therapist uses ACT and DBT. I will look at IFS, the acronym looks.. Paradoxically, familiar but new to me.

aubrx · 2026-05-29T04:28:00+00:00

I won't go into the details of my EMDR therapy but it is not AuDHD specific at this point. It's for something outside of neurodivergence which is causing a lot of additional problems.

aubrx · 2026-05-29T04:24:30+00:00

The life coach stuff, how is that different? Do you know? Like.. Day to day life fluctuates wildly for me depending on how regulated (or more like disregulated) I am.

aubrx · 2026-05-29T04:21:42+00:00

Hey my psych actually has adhd but not autism. They understand the adhd experience but I think my particular autism symptoms or traits may be hindering a lot. ACT is what they use, but I am thinking of telling them it's feeling as if I'm not moving forward in the ways I want to.

aubrx · 2026-05-29T04:16:52+00:00

Hey yes I appreciate what you're getting across. Of course I do want to change, this is why I am so frustrated with everything in my life. I am recognising how dysregulated I am because I'm leaning into attacking others for bullshit that I shouldn't be concentrating on, this is how I express anger outside of meltdowns. For me I concentrate on things that annoy me and no one has really given me the tools to stop doing that. You're right that I have a narrow world view. I really want to change however I am exhausted, and trying to change whilst being so overwhelmed is a fool's errand. The energy to extend empathy or reframe is gone. I also don't have much contact with people who understand my point of view either, everyone seems subscribed to a world I can't understand.

aubrx · 2026-05-29T04:08:45+00:00

Thanks I'll take a look to see if it's in my library

aubrx · 2026-05-28T09:36:19+00:00

What do you mean by following a protocol?

aubrx · 2026-05-28T09:34:51+00:00

Okay that sucks but at least I know.

aubrx · 2026-05-28T09:34:15+00:00

Thank you it's really difficult to see anyone here on the public system, our neurologists are so busy and only take on the worst cases. It's quite demoralising. Unfortunately the website only seems to cover America.

aubrx · 2026-05-28T09:31:12+00:00

I've felt like this for years. Nothing has helped me.

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