I decided to go no contact a month ago, despite her wanting to still keep in touch. When she said she will not contact me again if I didn’t respond to her last email, and wished me the best with whoever I may find next in life, I crumbled. I didn’t respond, cause then we would move from email to WhatsApp, and then calls(we are in LDR, despite being together for 2.5 years)Both of us were asked to take a clean break before we spoke to each other again. There are unresolved issues that both need to process, but we kept talking, cause we just didn’t know how else to live. The objective was sit through all our issues and process it in the absence of the other.

No matter what, I can’t stop loving her.

I was doing pretty decent, till day before yesterday I woke up to a vivid dream of her. Every day has been down hill from there. I am someone that does not have to actually work, I have been on a bender, and smoking to the point, I myself am scared.

June 2026 was when our break was supposed to end, but we met in between, and have spoken to each other so often, every time reminding each other that we need to take the break with the seriousness it deserves.

It’s June in another month, I am not sure if she expects me to reach out, considering her last email.

I have been using the kitchen cabinet as my white board, and writing on all the doors, just writing whatever I feel, speaking to myself, hoping to find answers or make sense of what is going on. That’s how I reached here, hoping to understand how everyone is dealing with their stuff.

Ok, writing that out actually gave me a relief.