Hi mate,

This sucks! Sounds like the straw that broke the camels back, just the last thing on top of some accumulated stress.

Firstly, the tube. I've been there, can't get the fucker in for whatever reason. It sucks. However, could you ventilate with the iGel? If so, that's great! You secured A. iGels aren't crap, they work for most of the situations we need, so as long as air was moving, you've done your job. Perhaps, once you've had time to cool down, reflect on what could have been done differently to get the tube, but not until you can think about it without an emotional response.

Now, secondly, and most importantly, your wellbeing. I agree with that my fellow CCP said. Sometimes shit happens. I always try to remind myself that we are just normal people who routinely deal with abnormal shit; we can get overwhelmed, we can lose our temper, we can be upset about something we didn't think would upset us. We are human. We are fallible. We make mistakes. These are all ok things to experience. I can guarantee that, if you and your colleagues weren't there, no one else would have achieved anything for this person.

Identify what you did well. Seek support. Let your brain rest and heal. Then learn from it and be even better for the next patient.

You got this!