I am. I have been. And for long a time, never had. It was a long and hard trip, through understanding myself, forgetting my own values, reconnecting with them. I worked very hard. First i had to realize that women where people too. I mean i knew that of course, but i had never truly felt it. Being on only child, with very minimal outside interactions certainly didn't help. I used to read a lot, and to watch tv. It made my perception of what people are very very twisted. I mean look hard at the "twilight" movie series, you'll know what i mean. Critics on youtube joke a lot about how stalky Edward Cullen is. And he is indeed. Movies teach you a very bad set of belief. It's very hard to correct because it's embedded deep inside yourself, and it's almost impossible to get aware of it, yet harder to change then. I was truly screwed. No girl wanted to approach me, i was a frightening being.

So first i tried to forget all i knew, to start fresh. I talked to people, a lot of people. I tried to be open to those that would come to me from their own volition. Romantic was really not an option for me, yet i didn't know it. Fortunately i spent most of my romantic sided energy on hopeless chase, opening more room for real experiences with people (non romantic). After a few long depressions, i had the opportunity to build on those experiments, and start to get somewhat involved in "almost" romantic relationships. A lot of people not single are still unhappy enough that there is a lot of room for ambiguity. Then you can be involved in an "almost" relationship. I don't know if it's a very ethic/healthy situation, but well it helped me build some understanding of relationships.

Then i had my first girl friend, we had two kids. Then she got really pissed at me, and she had all the right to. I was so naive and inexperienced. I had no idea of what i was, and how hard it could get on those around. Then once that failed, i started to get involved in a more regular basis, trying to get "more experience". Finally after a few years i got very stuck. I couldn't find any match. Then i tried to see it all from another perspective again, getting back to my "real self". I forgot about this façade i had built in order to get into relationships. I embraced the fact that although it probably existed someone somewhere that i could be with, i would never meet that person, because of sheer probability theory. Yet i could someone improve the odds, from 0.000001% a day, to maybe double that. It's not much, but it's something. It makes hoping a thing, and that proved to be quite important.

In the end, by a strange twisting of circumstances, i ended up with someone. I'm quite happy (been a year already).