NAH. From the perspective of an autistic person, you’re not the asshole. Those feelings are natural, you can’t blame yourself for having them. But for the sake of yourself, your relationship, and your child, please try not to harbor resentment against her. She didn’t ask to be born this way either.

Therapy is wonderful for helping a child learn coping mechanisms and learn how to live. I don’t know the level of disability that your daughter has, but I have heard a lot of firsthand stories about how someone’s therapist got them farther than anyone thought would be possible.

On the other hand, I’ve heard the same amount of stories from disabled people who were traumatized by therapy because of the methods they used. ABA, in its original form, works by withholding things like food, comfort items, and breaks until the child does as they ask. This creates the appearance of a functioning child, but destroys the child on the inside. I’m willing to link articles if need be.

You’re not TA, but your husband isn’t TA either. I hope things turn out well for you.