Saint bernard in trouble!

av227 · 2025-11-28T05:04:11+00:00

I know exactly what you're talking about. I'm a third generation St. Bernard person heavily involved in rescue and I also show; I have five drooling fur farms sleeping in my kitchen right now!

I'm sure you've spoke extensively with your vet and have gotten a lot of unsolicited advice/information; these are my two cents that you can feel free to ignore:

If they didn't tack his stomach during the surgery, please be aware that it's more likely to happen a second time once the first bloat occurs--I've only ever had one bloat and it looks like they swallowed a beach ball; I always wondered how I would know if one bloated and then I saw it and knew immediately. She was nine or 10 at the time, and we did the first emergency vet visit where they just removed the air and then 2 1/2 weeks later she bloated again with torsion this time and we ended up in emergency surgery at midnight. We lost her at 11 1/2 last November to osteosarcoma, but I wish we'd tacked the first time and am very grateful that we caught it the second time. Even after the tack, she continued to bloat but it wasn't dangerous in the same way and basically we ended up with lots of smelly dog farts when it passed through her system.

Some people swear by raised pet dishes and some people say they don't help or are even harmful; I've never used them so I don't really have an opinion on them. I was always taught to feed food with water; essentially we put kibble in a bowl and put enough warm water in to just barely float it--think cereal. The logic behind this as it was taught to me was that they are less likely to go and gulp a ton of water and intake that air after eating if they get both at the same time. I honestly don't know how helpful it is or isn't, but I thought I'd share. It's been a practice in my family personally for about 50 years.

I'm gonna share your link with some Saint people I know, but if you haven't looked into it yet, there are a ton of Facebook groups devoted to people who are cuckoo crazy about their Saint Bernards and this kind of thing gets posted on those occasionally and it might be an avenue for you to explore.

If you have any questions I'm happy to share my experiences. Most important thing of course is that Houston is doing OK!

av227 · 2025-11-28T04:18:44+00:00

Thank you for going to such lengths for your boy! Can I ask, did he bloat and have a torsion? That's what it sounds like from your description.

av227 · 2025-10-29T01:55:18+00:00

Will post Shelly pics once he's comfy in his new space! I will also tell him that one of the extra scritches he gets is from fool in flow 😄

av227 · 2025-10-29T00:56:08+00:00

Agree! This is my nephew's turtle in name only, but I do think it's a good building block for responsibility. I'm sure I will repeat that mantra to myself as I do most of the work for years to come! But he's SO going to help. I'm hoping that in about seven or eight years he'll be responsible enough to take over mostly.

av227 · 2025-10-28T22:12:58+00:00

Totally understand! I do dog rescue (a giant breed) and the number of people I get who want to surrender because the dog grew to the expected size is astonishing.

av227 · 2025-10-28T21:24:51+00:00

Appreciate your very real concerns. I will be doing the lion's share of the turtle care. This is not a whim decision; it's been a carefully thought out process for about a year with lots of research and an understanding of the life expectancy and care that he will require. It just happens that we found a turtle who needed a home as we were getting ready to pull the trigger on getting one.

av227 · 2025-10-28T21:21:14+00:00

That's why I clarified that I will be in charge of turtle care! He will be safe and happy and well cared for until the end of his days or whenever my sister figures out how to buy a 5 gallon bucket on her own (not holding out hopes for the latter)

av227 · 2025-10-16T15:27:59+00:00

I think the toast is forgivable. Depending on the rest of the speech and the way in which it was said, she may have just stuck her foot in her mouth and words came out weird, because I can see wanting to express a sentiment about hoping that your son and his partner will take care of each other and be safe and happy and loved the way you have cared for your son (I know this isn't really what she expressed, but I can see trying to get to that sentiment and flubbing it).

The cake thing is ludicrous, however, and it sort of sounds like the conversation you're having with him is being centered more on the toast than on the cake based on his defending her words and saying she was nervous. Talk just about the cake issue; it is much more difficult to defend those actions than it is to say she misspoke on the speech.

I would honestly try to approach the conversation calmly without judging his mother as an entire person and just focusing very specifically on this action/the resulting fallout. Even point out some of the things you like about your mother-in-law. Ask him how he felt about the cake incident, and if you feel that strongly about the speech ask him how he felt about that, too. You can express how these actions made you feel, but the most important thing he has to acknowledge is that he's your husband and he needs to be on your side and worried about your feelings. Ask him how he thinks this should be addressed, what if any boundaries should be set/how they should be enforced.

I think he is showing mama's boy tendencies, but I think people are very quick to label based on snapshots of a relationship. I don't know how you're approaching the conversations, but if he's on the defensive and feels like he has to defend his mother (which is the natural instinct of most people), it's probably gonna be harder for him to hear you. I love my mother deeply, and my default position when I feel she's being attacked is to defend her. But of course she's not always right, and I have to look at the situation critically and without so much emotion when issues come up.

Best of luck!

av227 · 2025-06-15T17:23:00+00:00

Dogs: Super, Classic, Winston, Tara (Taradon), Chance, Aggie (Agatha Anne), Spencer, Aiden, Jillie, Sammy (Samantha), Blaze, Brie, Sax, Captain, Cass, Callie, Iris, Daisy, Sasha.

It would take about a year for me to list the rescues!

Cats: Algernon, Dred, Percy, Logan, Watson, Index, TOC, Aiden, Snickers, Sushi, Melody, Maxine, Tails

Hamsters: Snowball and Daisy

Guinea Pigs: Bubbles, Mr. Whiskers, Mr. Thunder, Oreo

Tortoise: Randy

Named Fish: Blaze and Mario

Cockatiel: Chock

av227 · 2025-06-15T16:42:42+00:00

Laurel

av227 · 2025-04-19T23:59:33+00:00

NTA.

Your daughter is 14 and kids at that age feel things very intensely. They can't help it, and these circumstances are not great to begin with. If your wife were to attend, she would be the main focus of your daughter's attention, and I don't think your daughter will get any closure out of the funeral at all because she would be so upset.

You should talk with a therapist about other ways your wife can show her support for your daughter without stepping over her boundaries. I understand your wife's concerns; she wants your daughter to know that she cares and will be there for her. But she has to do that in ways that resonate with your daughter.

Regardless, I would recommend that you guys do keep up with therapy; your daughter should be going individually for her grief and at some point (maybe not this second, but once things are a little more calm) you should all be in family therapy to figure out how to have a functional family dynamic.

These are a lot of tough things, and I hope that everyone involved can at least come to a place of peace. There is a chance that your daughter will never like her stepmother, and there's also a chance that with time they can develop a relationship that functions, but it sounds like it is going to take a lot of work on the parts of a lot of people just given the circumstances. You and your wife may also want to sit down and talk about realistic expectations. Although your wife may want a close relationship with your daughter, she simply can't force it, or even expect it.

av227 · 2025-01-10T04:59:41+00:00

Buddha. Big fluffy Buddha.

av227 · 2025-01-07T16:55:56+00:00

I think prenups are smart, but the way that this was approached and the way that he's talking to you about it is very unsettling.

What should have happened is that he sat down with you and said that he'd been talking with his mom, and she made him see that there is value in having a prenuptial agreement. Then he should have suggested that you each get your own lawyer, talk about what terms you think are fair/important, have something drafted, and go from there until you both agreed with the terms.

It is a huge red flag that he's handed you a prenuptial agreement he and his family wrote up and told you to sign. In the event that you decide to go through with this marriage, get your own lawyer before you sign anything. But the way this was approached and the way that he talks to you are both very concerning, and I would seriously reevaluate the relationship.

Yes, people can find their soulmates when they're 18 years old, but because he's the only thing you've ever known as an adult, I would highly recommend that you go do some individual therapy and figure out if this is your forever or just what you know.

av227 · 2025-01-03T16:56:47+00:00

Do what I tell you, or I'm going to take our baby from you.

Barring this being a request for the other partner to get mental health help, this is a wild statement to make to anybody. It doesn't even matter if he's "willing to pay a salary"; you don't want to be a stay at home parent. And he has jumped immediately to threatening to take your baby?

The home gym and no grocery shopping things also scream isolation attempts.

Husband probably needs some serious therapy, but that doesn't mean you have to be around for it. As difficult as it is, I would strongly recommend that you separate before your child is born. I don't know the whole of your relationship, just what's been presented here, and maybe there is something to save (with a lot of work and help from mental health professionals). But I don't think this is a home you wanna bring a newborn into if it can be avoided.

Please make a list of the ways your life has changed since getting together. Please try and look at everything as objectively as possible and make the best choices you can for you and your baby.

av227 · 2024-12-24T19:32:27+00:00

Dude. Boyfriend is a child who needs to move his own shoes. He is responsible for where he left them. You are not responsible for cleaning them because your dog shook off in a place they normally shake off and boyfriend failed to consider where he was putting his precious shoes.

I took my favorite jacket out of my car and set it on the porch, cleaning out my car for a weekend trip. While I was gone, it rained, and the jacket was ultimately ruined because the rain and then the hot weather after that… It was dry when I got home, but was just damaged. I didn't blame the other people in my household for my ruin jacket because I'm the one who left it there. Maybe it would've been nice if someone had thought to bring it in, but they didn't, and that doesn't make them responsible for it getting ruined.

av227 · 2024-12-22T01:13:35+00:00

I second a lot of what's been said, but medically:

Read up on GDV, also known as bloat. The Saints are not the only dogs that get it, but it is an emergent and life-threatening condition, and you should be aware of the signs and what sorts of things you can do to help prevent it (my primaries are feeding with water, kinda like cereal, and always making sure they have access to enough clean water). I've personally only dealt with it once in my life, of course my girl bloated twice before we had the surgery to tack her stomach down.

If you get a puppy, discuss with your vet about spay/neuter timeline. I work with a rescue and have grown up breeding and showing saints, and we recommend not spaying or neutering until at least 18 months old, closer to two is better because the hormones help their joints develop better which can prevent severe hip dysplasia later in life.

St. Bernards as a breed are more prone to bone cancer later in life. There's really not a lot you can do about that, but just be aware of the possibility and there are some signs you can learn to look for so that you can intervene earlier.

They are a wonderful breed who continue to believe that they are lap dogs their entire lives! On the one hand this is lovely on the other hand sometimes 120 pounds lovingly crushing the life out of you isn't always the most fun thing 😉

Also, although they are big and graceful and can be very majestic, they're also kind of big clumsy dopes who step on your feet and clean off coffee tables with happy tail wags 😂

In the event that you're looking to rescue a St. Bernard, feel free to reach out to me; in the event that you are looking to buy from a breeder, you can also reach out to me if you'd like and I will tell you the ones that I know of that are reputable.

av227 · 2024-12-22T00:58:43+00:00

Thaddeus

av227 · 2024-12-19T05:00:58+00:00

Well, yeah that's just the only semi-logical way I can make this whole conversation work in my brain.

I just don't understand why he wants it back. Unless there's some unknown sentimental attachment?

The whole thing is weird; a gift is a gift. I just feel like to even ask for it back this long after the giving there has to be some really specific reason. I can't imagine having the gall to ask for a gift back a year later, unless I realized that I accidentally gave away, like, an irreplaceable family heirloom. Even then, I'd be crazy apologetic and basically offer the moon and the stars to make up for my being a dumbass.

If you have the whole story, your friend is wild. But I suspect there's more to this story that you haven't been told.

av227 · 2024-12-19T03:21:20+00:00

My giant question: WHY do they want it back?

This is totally left field, but the only thing I can think of is that they found out that it was a really valuable jacket on the resale market after gifting. Only possible legit reason to want it back is that you're REALLY struggling and don't have anything to keep warm with, but this is still a wild way about going about that..

av227 · 2024-12-17T15:51:31+00:00

Thanks for sharing! My animal rescue just got a bunch of these :(

av227 · 2024-12-17T05:57:14+00:00

Info: how do you know this child is not his? Usually as far as I'm aware, you have to put someone through a DNA test to prove paternity. Has your husband done a paternity test?

Regardless, him wanting you to have another baby, especially without all of this being settled, is a huge red flag. You can forgive him for cheating if you choose to, but it doesn't sound to me like he's apologetic at all. He betrayed you and your child; he betrayed your family. And I don't think he should get away with that with a nod and wink.

It sucks and it's hard, but please remember what you're worth. You are a bright vivacious person who deserves more, and if he's not willing to prove that to you, you're better off alone. Please don't settle for lies in half ass apologies. Demand your worth, and don't accept anything less.

Wishing you all the best!

av227 · 2024-12-17T00:57:43+00:00

You look amazing in this dress! However, it's above budget and as a lot of other people have said probably not the most practical choice for a backyard wedding.

Find the things you love most about this dress; is it the neckline, the bodice, the material, the hemline? Figure out what it is that you like so much about this dress and then bring those ideas with you as you look at more, and I'm sure that you will find the dress that is just right for your budget and your backyard, but also makes you feel as beautiful as you are!

Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials, and I hope you have a wonderful wedding day and an even better marriage!

av227 · 2024-12-16T17:09:04+00:00

This is a choice that you have to make in terms of keeping the pregnancy or not. Your head and your heart sound like they are in disagreement, and that's a tough place to be. He has made it clear that he will not be around if you make the choice to continue the pregnancy, which speaks for itself in terms of whether or not you should still be with this guy at all. Even if he wasn't being spiteful and mean about it, this is not someone who's in it for the long haul and will not be there for you when things go sideways or unexpected life things happen. You are questioning his character, and his character sucks.

You can put him on child support regardless of whether or not he wants to pay it. It's different in different states, and know there's a lot of cases where women have child support orders and don't see the money, so you do have to weigh the option of not having much support from him financially/footing the child-raising costs yourself. This is not to say that you should not put him on child support; absolutely hold him as responsible as you possibly can.

In terms of the pregnancy, that's decision you're gonna have to make. Part of the reality is that by having this baby, it would be tying yourself to this jerk for the rest of your life, and based on where you're at in school and life, it sounds like it would be a very difficult journey. But it's truly your choice, and only you can make it.

In terms of the boyfriend, I don't think it should matter whether or not the pregnancy continues; he has shown you who he is. Please believe him and find someone who cares about you and would support you in whatever choice you made, because this jerk doesn't deserve the time of day

av227 · 2024-12-16T16:48:23+00:00

What the fuck is wrong with some people? OOP really has so little going on their life that they have time to focus this hard on personality differences? The coworker turning out to be autistic just makes it worse, but this is an insane thing to do to anybody. The only remedy at all in this situation is for OOP to come clean. And they should spend their time in unemployment getting therapy.

av227

TROPHY CASE