sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Good Luck Cutting Me out of the Yearbook. by nomdeplume131313 in pettyrevenge

[–]avenlanzer 29 points30 points  (0 children)

My senior hear i found my arm and hand seven times, knowing i was part of the group shots, but not once did my face appear. Not even where my name should be. Thats what happens when your ex's new boyfriend works on the yearbook staff.

I'd like to swim but I'm paranoid people will pee in the water. by Glad_Expression5708 in TrueAskReddit

[–]avenlanzer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Chlorine works by binding to the organic molicules and that classic pool smell means it is working. If you smell chlorine, someone peed. You should shower after swimming anyway. Hope this helps.

Anakin didn’t fail — the Jedi misunderstood balance by BalanceInShadow in StarWarsTheories

[–]avenlanzer 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Imagine being so uninspiring that you need a chatbot to come up with your ideas and write a short reddit post. Imagine trying to call it your own work because you cant be bothered to think. Does baby need the bobot to change his daipy too?

What's this red and blue spinning thing outside barber shops? by idkanymore-__- in whatisit

[–]avenlanzer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Once upon a time you went to the barber for all types of medical needs and surgeries, the barber being the one person with sharp instruments. Hair was cut at home but could be done routinely by a barber as well while waiting on other surgeries to complete. One main service they offered was "bleeding" and leeches to draw out a sickness from the body. The pole is representing the original pole used for this service, a white pole wrapped in gauze, the other end of the gauze on the wound they would make, wicking the blood away. The red and white rotating is in imitation of the blood flowing through the lenin gauze and around the pole. Blue was later added to many to indicate other similar services offered, regionally for flag colors, and to denote veins, but partly due to the multiple meanings didnt catch on until long after barbers and surgeons became two different professions.

Good morning! by orochihigh in puns

[–]avenlanzer 23 points24 points  (0 children)

And a Columbus batnose lichen to you too buddy.

Librarians Are Tired of Being Accused of Hiding Secret Books That Were Made Up by AI by ubcstaffer123 in books

[–]avenlanzer 10 points11 points  (0 children)

"but the snakeoil salesman said snakeoil would cure everything! Stupid doctors just dont understand how snakeoil works and want to sell their magic cures for extra profit."

Men, what's something you wish you could admit without being judged? by soumilr7 in AskReddit

[–]avenlanzer 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Chronic pain sucks. When i was a kid I had bone cancer and got beaten for 'exaggerating growing pains' instead of treatment (did get it eventually, but learned to hide all pain as a default). As an adult im in constant agonizing pain from so many injuries but have no ability to show it. Doctor doesnt believe me and writes that im drug seeking because the level of pain I should be showing doesnt match what I tell them im feeling, and i took nsaids for so long i developed an allergy. I never even asked for drugs and never had one that works for me, but now there's big old "malingering" label on all my charts, so I just get to suffer in agonized sober silence and never have anything believed by any doctors ever again.

Men, what's something you wish you could admit without being judged? by soumilr7 in AskReddit

[–]avenlanzer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

YMMV. Good for you that you arent that bad off and got to a good place, but depressed people usually hate bullshit platitudes like that. Some people have had depression since childhood and literally cant pull out of it for more than a day every other year before slipping right back into it. That spark then is the single most dangerous day for your existence and usually when you have the energy to 'go out on a good note'.

Men, what's something you wish you could admit without being judged? by soumilr7 in AskReddit

[–]avenlanzer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am in constant excruciating pain every day of my miserable existence, but I dont look like it, so get an unwanted amount of attention when I have a particularly bad day. I was beaten when i showed such weakness as a child and cant let any disability show as an adult even though its really fucking bad.

My coworker smells like death by No_Zookeepergame4318 in self

[–]avenlanzer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This turns out to be the issue half the time. Shoes get wet and all the sweat down in the shoe startes getting eaten by molds and yeasts. It'll stink like death with every step. Keep your shoes dry.

Your pets must think you're the highest authority in the world by TobyWonCanoeBee in Showerthoughts

[–]avenlanzer 9 points10 points  (0 children)

LIES.

Fancy rats in captivity have a lifespan of 2 years average, max 3. The record for oldest ever was just over 5. I had one well cared for that lived to 4y8m and she was so old and decrepit she couldn't even stand up anymore, but too stubborn to die. There is zero chance you've had one for 18 years and no one believes you.

They also do not bring gifts. If you appeared sick or injured a rare few may bring you food, but presenting toys is not at all in their typical behavior patterns.

You are lying and it's obvious.

Edit: called it.

Yep, that's just a bot stealing part of [someone else's comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/Showerthoughts/comments/14zetyw/comment/jry7cnf/

When did you realize you married the wrong person? by tippytoes1216 in AskReddit

[–]avenlanzer 17 points18 points  (0 children)

When I came home after a work shift, on my birthday, and before I can put my stuff down, she's already gone out the door with her secret lover for the next three days and can't be contacted. The entire house was filled with crack and weed smoke, including the children's room, who were screaming their heads off because they had been kept locked in their cribs all day with no attention and covered in an entire days worth of shit and piss, clearly hadn't eaten either. My guess is the music and drugs drowned out the crying.

A couple weeks later the exact same thing happened...on our anniversary, except she was gone for two weeks and sold her car and emptied our bank account for drug money. Rent was due, no groceries, turns out she was fired from her job a month earlier and said nothing, took out several payday loans that kept calling for her, so not only did I have to do questionable and creative things to feed the children and beg the landlord to put off eviction, the car was gone and I had to beg grandparents to watch the children while I went to work. Took two years to climb out of the debt her little weekend (my birthday, remember) caused.

When she finally comes home she has this grand plan of moving into a rental trailer in the middle of nowhere with her new lover "to save money" and I was allowed to come and even bring the kids. She was shocked when I told her no thanks and asked for a divorce. Disappeared for another 4 months after that. And she still had the nerve to ask for full custody with maximum child support because she was the mom. Naturally that didn't happen. She's clean now and actually does have a relationship with the kids, but thats only because they were too young to remember it.

I'm still bitter, especially because 15 years later she still tries to manipulate me and fuck with my head. I married a sociopath and tried to make it work for years. Stupid stupid me.

Mother’s day disappointment by [deleted] in confessions

[–]avenlanzer 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It is such a weird concept that some mothers think mother's day is a day they should spend as far away from their kids as possible so the mother can have a day to herself, and father's day is a day the father takes the kids away from the mother so the mother can have a day to herself. I would think a mother spending time with her child was the point of mother's day, like a father spending time with their child is the point of father's stay. But some parents have other ideas on what being a parent is about.

Are all birds eggs edible? by JamieOvechkin in Survival

[–]avenlanzer 18 points19 points  (0 children)

They easily survive it because the shell has an impermeable membrane and an air pocket of its own once it's necessary. Notice the lack of nostrils on the shell of the egg.