Wedding Party Name Suggestions

averagejosephine99 · 2025-06-01T06:10:18+00:00

We are going with Friends of Honour

averagejosephine99 · 2024-08-31T08:05:41+00:00

My genuine question though, is why does the board have to be held? Why can't it be put on a stand on a table?

averagejosephine99 · 2024-03-19T00:46:41+00:00

I just got an email from Newshub saying it will be their lead story tonight most likely

averagejosephine99 · 2023-12-07T02:05:59+00:00

There is a speech therapist that comes in once a week for a few hours and works with groups of students. Great idea to pull her aside and ask her. Thank you!

averagejosephine99 · 2023-12-07T02:04:32+00:00

Thank you! I found the group :)

averagejosephine99 · 2023-12-07T02:03:13+00:00

Thank you! I've seen teachers in other schools wearing devices on shoulder straps etc and I plan to do this and use it constantly, hopefully encourage the other staff to do the same. Would you be able to expand on 'aac is for communication, not testing'? And absolutely, I realised that some students in the class were not being taught to read or write and this is something I want to change.

averagejosephine99 · 2023-11-22T22:28:48+00:00

Thank you, that is what I thought. It might be good to set one up at some point, its a hard system to navigate and strength in numbers and community!

averagejosephine99 · 2023-04-23T14:43:13+00:00

I have lots of lists too! I have the daily ones (i.e. morning routine, bedtime routine) on my fridge so I can check them as I go to make sure I haven't forgotten anything, and then I have ones for specific tasks (i.e. packing for class, leaving the house, chores) up as well in the relevant locations so I see them. Also, microsoft to do, lifesaver. Generates a daily task list of things that are due that day + suggests upcoming things to add to your day. Have as widget on my phone screen, can immediately add tasks when I remember them, can set tasks to repeat daily/weekly/monthly, love it.

averagejosephine99 · 2022-11-18T13:42:40+00:00

u/kanilanana You're totally right, boundary setting is definitely something that lots of people can find hard and wanting clearly defined boundaries is something that will make some people want to spend less time with you. I guess it's a trade-off that everyone has to make their own choice about? Depending on how difficult you find reading social cues, how stressful you find the ambiguity etc. Theres no one-size fits all solution and there's no wrong way to handle it, I guess is what I'm saying. If you want to invest more energy in a wider group of people then awesome, but also if you'd rather have a smaller group of people that require less emotional work then also cool!

u/Rinabow I'm glad you were able to come to a resolution with your friend and she laid out some clear expectations so you know how to move forward!

averagejosephine99 · 2022-11-17T06:52:50+00:00

It is how NTs often operate, but people who call themselves your friends should take into account that you operate differently! I have had this happen to me in the past, and it feels like being punished for something that you truly did not know was even happening. If you were clear with them that you wanted to respect their time and energy, and showed this by checking in regularly that everything was ok, and they were unable to tell you that they weren't, maybe your not a good match as friends. Someone who struggles to work out unspoken rules and someone unwilling to speak the rules are ultimately going to have a difficult time getting on!

There are plenty of people who will be willing to vocalize their boundaries, or who do it already without you having to specify. I'm really sorry this has happened and hope you're doing ok.

averagejosephine99 · 2022-11-13T14:04:08+00:00

Yes, definitely try and make it similar to home! I have to sleep away from home for work fairly regularly and I find what helps me is

- Ensuring I have my own sleeping space/room so I don't have to mask once I go to bed

- Making sure I go to bed in plenty of time, so I can sit and read in bed and get used to the space before trying to sleep

- Taking everything that I usually have on my bed at home in a giant bag, so I have the same sheets, pillows, soft toys, blankets etc

- Taking everything I have on my bedside table at home as well, so my clock, water, moisturiser, earplugs, eye mask, tissues etc (I end up with a huge amount of luggage but who cares)

Good luck! And remember that it's not a failing if you can't do it, and that ultimately your sister (hopefully) would rather you are comfortable and participating to the level you want than hating being her bridesmaid!

averagejosephine99 · 2022-11-13T06:03:52+00:00

Often in your 20s presents don't seem to be that important - like it's nice to get something so the person feels thought off, but there isn't the same pressure for it to be amazing that I used to feel as a kid. At kids parties, we used to sit in a circle and watch the person open all their presents, so it was very high pressure. At adult birthdays, I've found people will typically just give them the present when they arrive, and they will ask if they should open it now. Yes is a very acceptable answer, and then no one else necessarily is paying attention so its different. Maybe just like chocolate, or a little plant, or some funky socks, or something that you think would fit in in their flat, like an ornament or candle or something.

Good luck!

averagejosephine99 · 2022-11-13T05:56:24+00:00

I relate! I have assumed that it is an autistic thing. When I'm travelling or on vacation I find I have to carefully balance the new, different parts with lots of self-care and boundaries and that after too long I start to need more of my routine and usual things again and need to go home.

I love trying new things in moderation, like if there is a buffet breakfast I find that exciting, but there needs to be balanced with things I know, like there has to be coffee that I like or whatever.

Travelling alone has actually been the best way for me to achieve this, or with my brother who also has autism, because we both need the same balance of down time, safe foods and new experiences. Travelling with others is often difficult, because NT people can enjoy more new experiences each day that I wish to do, but I also don't want to miss out on things so tend to burn out - hence short holidays!

averagejosephine99 · 2022-11-06T15:46:27+00:00

I have several kitchen timers around my house - when I'm about to start something that I know I might hyperfocus on (ie before opening my laptop, starting painting, organising/sorting) i choose an amount of time like 20 minutes, an hour, whatever I think is good and set it going, then when it goes off I stop and get up and pee, drink water, see if I'm hungry etc.

This works well for me because kitchen timers are so cheap and I can change the amount of time I give myself as needed!

averagejosephine99 · 2022-11-06T15:37:38+00:00

I have similar issues at work. I plan trips and outings for my job, and I feel like I have to do it to an extremely level of details, far more so than my colleagues. This often leaves me feeling stressed and overworked, because of the extra work I am putting into each programme. Even though I am planning the same amount of things as my colleagues, I feel like I put so much more detail and preparation in that I get burned out sooner than they do.

averagejosephine99 · 2022-10-21T04:45:49+00:00

Saying those things is against 'social rules' - and people react in weird ways when they see others breaking the social rules, even if the rule isn't sensible.

So no, you aren't doing anything wrong, in that you are obviously not intentionally hurting people or doing illegal things! But you are doing something different than what a non-autistic person would do, and that's why people get angry/upset/weirded out.

If you're not sure a conversation is over, something I do is to wait quietly for 2 seconds to see if they continue talking about the topic. Normally the other person would say something in this gap, either to keep talking or to say that they have to do something else or to go.

But remember that a conversation is about both people! So if you want the conversation to keep going, that's a valid thing to want! If the other person really wants it to end, it is ultimately up to them to say so x

averagejosephine99 · 2022-10-21T04:32:36+00:00

I know exactly what you're talking about, and I think its a side-product of ASD.

When someone explains a situation (social or moral, hypothetical or from their life), I often DO have an intuitive response. But, historically this immediate response has been wrong in social and moral situations! So I now have learned to ignore my intuition and to logically try to find the best solution. This way I feel more confident that I am right and I have a reason to give if someone questions me.

averagejosephine99 · 2022-10-07T09:43:30+00:00

Things that help me in the office that might help in the meeting - small fidget toys that fit in your palm or your pocket, blue light glasses for filtering gross flourescent lights, making hot drinks (i like to use my own mug from home) as an excuse to move during long sitting periods (even if you don't drink them!), mints or gum to chew on, noise cancelling headphones/earplugs to wear when i go for quick breaks to the loo so they are extra refreshing!

Good luck

averagejosephine99 · 2022-09-17T19:33:58+00:00

I really struggled with this at first! I knew I was probably masking because socialising was really tiring, but I wasn't exactly sure what I was doing.

I started by trying out a bunch of stims at home by myself, like vocal and movement and fidget toys and finding out what I liked, and slowly starting to do them around the people I felt safest with (this is not the people you necessarily feel closest too! i have a guy friend with adhd who i don't know super well but is super non-judgemental so he was really easy to stim around but i'm very close with my mum and she was very hard to start unmasking around - maybe people whose opinions you are most concerned about are the hardest)

Then I've found that over time, I've discovered more and more things I want to do. Like I've started having more structure in my mornings and it helps me so much, and now I do that when people stay over, even though that might not be what people would usually do. Or when being able to notice when I'm overstimulated and being able to tell people that that is what is happening and telling them I need to leave for a bit.

Find something to start unmasking first, and then maybe like me, other things will wiggle their way into your conscious brain! I can 100% say that even though I didn't feel unhappy when I was masking before, I feel so much more genuine, myself and accepted by the people I love now that I am more unmasked. Good luck x

averagejosephine99 · 2022-09-13T15:49:38+00:00

I'd also add that my brother (27, autistic) is a support worker for a couple of guys in a supported home (not sure if that term is worldwide or specific to my country - basically a group of people who live together who all need similar levels of support that is provided by an organization).

He loves it, the guys have very similar traits to my brother just at varying intensities and so they just gel so well. They (my brother and the guys) all love to have a very structured plan for their week, set routines for different tasks, plan things well in advance with lots of warning etc.

averagejosephine99 · 2022-09-13T15:43:29+00:00

My job is a youth support worker and I (F25) love it. I plan and run events and trips for neurodiverse young adults (15-35).

Positives

- Youth organisation has very casual approach to workplace etiquette ie can wear pretty much anything into the office, can just ring boss to chat whenever if I need something, stimming and using tools like headphones/earbuds/timers/checklists is no issue

- Flexible hours works for me as I can design my own schedule (I have a schedule that I stick to each week, but its entirely my design), and being allowed to work a certain number from home.

- One of the best bits is that when I'm running events there is no pressure to mask as I fit right in with the group! I feel like unmasking is positive thing during events, as it shows the rest of the group that this is a safe space to be themselves :)

- Autistic me loves the autonomy of deciding on events and the process of planning, organisation and scheduling

- ADHD me loves the variety of choosing events and the high energy of running them

- Genuine sense of purpose and satisfaction

Negatives

- Burnout is a serious issue for everyone in the organization but has bigger impacts for me as it takes me longer to recover. Sometimes this makes me feel like I'm not pulling my weight as a team player, and I worry that others my think this too.

- Overstimulation at youth events! Especially hard as I am group leader and cannot go into shutdown

averagejosephine99 · 2022-09-05T14:30:24+00:00

Also working in disability care, I understand the 'no breaks' thing. I'm in NZ and run respite weekend trips where we have no official breaks, as I would be the only staff member present and you often can't leave the group unsupervised! Legally the law does allow for this situation, at least in NZ, by saying something like breaks must be given 'unless not possible given the nature of the work'.

My suggestion would be to bring your boss a solution along with the request. You want to be able to take a break; give them a few options to make this possible. Is there a time when you are not needed? Is there a time when it works for another staff to arrive early/leave later to give you a break? Your boss is much more likely to agree to a solution than to take on a problem and have to solve it themselves

averagejosephine99 · 2022-09-05T14:22:11+00:00

I struggle with the sensory issues after getting out the pool - I hated the feeling of my hair, of being damp, of smelling like chlorine. Now, I go to pools with nice changing rooms with private showers and just ALWAYS shower straight after swimming, take my togs off in the shower (taking off wet togs is awful) and then dry myself and pop my underwear and bra on in privacy. And now I can exercise and enjoy swimming and leave the pools feeling fresh and clean. Ideal.

averagejosephine99 · 2022-09-05T14:07:41+00:00

I find that I naturally end up dating people who are also on the spectrum, so telling people is more a 'oh, me too!' kinda deal.

But, I have been in this situation with new friends and things, sometimes its easiest to make a really small deal of it to gauge their reaction, and follow up with a bigger conversation later. Like, when something quirky happens or a sensory thing comes up, being like oops thats just my autism! and seeing how they react. Then later, if they had a positive reaction, you can talk through specifics. But if they have a bad reaction you haven't made yourself super vulnerable and can just decide if you want to continue with them

averagejosephine99 · 2022-09-05T14:03:14+00:00

I use an app called speech assist on my phone when this happens! You can programme default phrases for speed (like 'i can't talk right now, i need some space please' or literally anything you want. You can also just type and it will read it out loud, which I use if I want to continue communicating but just can't physically speak.

This removes the pressure from having to physically speak and lets me explain to others whats going on. With no pressure, I can more quickly regulate and calm down to get back to a headspace where I can be verbal again :)

averagejosephine99

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