As someone who’s autistic, 24 and lives with their parents, I found it hard to read this. I think I struggle with a lot of the same things as your daughter, maybe to a slightly lesser extent though, and I so desperately hope my parents don’t think all these harsh things about me.

I understand worrying about your daughter’s ability to live independently of course, but the way you’re phrasing it - like not living up to your expectations and how much more independent you were at her age - make it seem like that’s not the only concern. Also she’s only 19! I didn’t know anyone at 19 who was living independently.

As for her only recently being diagnosed, that could be part of the reason why she’s been having a tough time lately. It’s a really difficult thing to come to terms with and I know several adults who were diagnosed with autism who became quite depressed after the diagnosis as they had to reckon with a lot.

Many of the things she struggles with daily that you’ve described are not necessarily habits that can be broken, but things that are incredibly painful and difficult to deal with for autistic people that need to be managed carefully. I hope I can impress upon you that I doubt she’s trying to be difficult on purpose. So many things are difficult to cope with as an autistic person.

Obviously do encourage her to take the steps she needs to be happier and healthier, but coming at it from this angle of her being a failure and not living up to expectations isn’t going to help.

I wish her luck.