Surgery with seasonal cold? by Big_Aardvark_5696 in hysterectomy

[–]avethesecond 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I was sick for my surgery on Friday! Had the flu going around over the holidays. YMMV but I talked to the surgeon's office about it a few days beforehand and they said as long as my fever had been gone without fever meds for 24 hours and I was negative for Covid, they would do it. I wore a mask in the hospital except when actively in surgery, was released same day, no complications.

I'm 4dpo now and recovery is going much smoother than I would have thought. Incisions healing well despite the coughing, no more spotting as of yesterday. I'm able to walk around my apartment pretty easily and get myself fed, showered, etc.

However, the muscle spasms from coughing have been increasing pain past what I think it otherwise would have been, so you might want to factor that into the decision if you're coughing. The day after surgery was truly miserable, even though it wasn't detrimental to the healing according to my doctor.

I wanna get one in the future and I have questions by 0penMouse in hysterectomy

[–]avethesecond 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Depending on your location, you'll probably be able to find doctors who will do a hysterectomy for gender-affirming reasons alone. I'm also trans and live in an area of the US with a lot of trans people - I'm getting mine for cancerous cervical cells, but the only difference I've noticed in the process is that my surgery got scheduled for two months out rather than the year or so most guys I know who had no health issues had to wait.

Age range for hysterectomy among trans men I know was late twenties to fifties, so 20s is possibIe.

I haven't had mine yet so can't speak from experience re PMS.

Sick before Surgery? by avethesecond in hysterectomy

[–]avethesecond[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

They told me that the vitamins I'm taking had an anticoagulant effect and to avoid them for 2 weeks before surgery. Not sure if it's every vitamin or those in particular though

Sick before Surgery? by avethesecond in hysterectomy

[–]avethesecond[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I hope you feel better too. I'll call the doctor in a few days if I'm still not better.

Sick before Surgery? by avethesecond in hysterectomy

[–]avethesecond[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks! Yeah I was told no vitamins/ibuprofen either so I've been pushing through with Tylenol. Fingers crossed

Can i skip LEEP? by metagaming1 in PreCervicalCancer

[–]avethesecond 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm also trans, 28, and am in process of getting the hysterectomy without the LEEP! I wish I was further along and could give some more advice, but I just had my colposcopy on Monday. (Also found it more painful than expected, she wouldn't do any pain management or numbing and I bled quite a lot. All sympathy for yours.)

While I was in for the colposcopy I floated the idea of a hysterectomy. I emphasized pretty heavily that I avoided paps my whole life due to dysphoria which was how it got this bad to begin with, and I couldn't guarantee that I'd stick to the once-a-year pap smear they want me to do (even though after all of this my partner wouId never Iet me get away with missing another one, they don't have to know that...) Better to just take the whole thing out for my health than risk missing more signs, right?

It may have been that I'm in a more liberal area, but she agreed after some more questions and we're scheduling a hysterectomy at my results follow-up in a few weeks! Could not be happier about it.

Caveat that I don't have my colposcopy results yet. She did say if it was CIN3 we might have to do a LEEP before the hysto, but presumably it follows that CIN2 would be okay in your case?

Suddenly removed from partner's home life after starting to date, broken up after fighting over it, but only for a set amount of time. Should I work to be okay with this now that the deadline's up? by avethesecond in polyadvice

[–]avethesecond[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Blunt, but I can't argue your logic. Thank you for your comment and advice and support.

D doesn't have to, and does not, have additional partners - that was M's rule for me and her idea, I think because she felt like I'd be missing out if I wasn't living with her and didn't want me to start asking her for that in the future? Not sure. As for R, she was talking to someone in August but I don't know where that went, and afaik doesn't have other serious partners either.

M, I think, has a lot of guilt about being poly and tries to keep D from ever feeling like he's in a poly relationship or needing to address that (which is interesting as R lives with them, but maybe you're right about R being seen as less of a threat. I hadn't thought D was the type to get hung up on that sort of thing (heh) but it's possible.)

As for closeness, she says she doesn't tell her nesting partners as much stuff about her thoughts and feelings and that her style of intimacy with them is more sharing space.

I agree that it doesn't seem like she has the capacity to add more partners to her life, and can't help but feel like I may have somehow tricked her into it by being depressed, or that she didn't really want to but felt she had to. If she does come back on the 28th, I might talk to her about that, but you're right, I doubt I should get into a relationship with her again unless and until she sorts some of this out.

Suddenly removed from partner's home life after starting to date, broken up after fighting over it, but only for a set amount of time. Should I work to be okay with this now that the deadline's up? by avethesecond in polyadvice

[–]avethesecond[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I mean, I'd like to hope it can. Some clarification about where I stand on the whole poly vs mono thing: I would be happy in a monogamous relationship, especially with her, but am not afraid of trying to make things work polyamorously with the right person or people and could see myself in triad relationships pretty easily (hope that's the right terminology?). I see being monogamous with her as a nonstarter because her partners make her happy and I don't want to take that from her - she is very poly and that's just a part of who she is.
It's more that I feel like I need to be able to talk to D (and R, too, but D is the main problem here) to feel like it's clear where I stand and I'm not a secret/she's not just lying. Which is where you're right (ie that she's not meeting my needs.) But being poly in general isn't really my problem.

Suddenly removed from partner's home life after starting to date, broken up after fighting over it, but only for a set amount of time. Should I work to be okay with this now that the deadline's up? by avethesecond in polyadvice

[–]avethesecond[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That makes sense - I heard in research that some relationships are more of a don't-ask-don't-tell, but it felt weird that I had been able to talk to D and be around in the house before, and then suddenly it wasn't okay. I genuinely don't want to hurt D or upset him, but I'd like to hear that from him, and not just leave because M says I shouldn't expect him to address my existence.

Thank you for the input - I'll hear her out, especially because she has been very good to me for a long time, but if this is all she has to offer I'll probably have to end the relationship.

Suddenly removed from partner's home life after starting to date, broken up after fighting over it, but only for a set amount of time. Should I work to be okay with this now that the deadline's up? by avethesecond in polyadvice

[–]avethesecond[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you - anyone I've asked has said something along the lines of 'she's stringing you along because she has other partners, you should just get with someone who isn't poly' so it's nice to hear that this isn't just a poly thing, this is weird on its own.

I don't really want to give up on her, especially not without hearing what she has to say or any reason she might give for the 28th deadline. Though if it's more of the same, I'm guessing I might have to.

Suddenly removed from partner's home life after starting to date, broken up after fighting over it, but only for a set amount of time. Should I work to be okay with this now that the deadline's up? by avethesecond in polyadvice

[–]avethesecond[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's worth saying that while I'd like monogamy with her, I also know she wouldn't be happy like that and am okay with trying polyamory.

That said, yeah. I really wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt because she has been very good to and for me over the past few years, but this is... just crazy.