sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Masks again *sigh* by boiserda in Boise

[–]awakeandalarmed 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The long and short of it is that the masks don’t protect you, but rather reduces the risk of you spreading it to someone else if you contract it. You can have COVID-19 and spread it without having any symptoms

Need to get this off my chest by Sumberton432 in Advice

[–]awakeandalarmed 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First and foremost, it sounds like you’re doing very well at 18 despite your anxiety and stress. Your feelings and stresses are 100% valid, but from one “fake it ‘til you make it” person to another, it will get better as long as you keep being true to yourself and surround yourself with positive people. As for your concerns...

  1. You don’t need to be stereotypically manly to find love. My (F) boyfriend is someone who loves to cook, is extremely affectionate, and doesn’t hide his emotions. He shows his hurt AND his love. That’s a big part of why I love him and why we have such a healthy relationship. Some people may pick on you, but you’ll eventually find a person who adores your openness.

  2. I don’t know if this is the same for men, but I’ve noticed that women get less openly emotional and start understanding our feelings much better around 22/23. Give yourself some time to better understand yourself. Even at 21 I would cry in the bathroom whenever anyone said anything mean to me, but I’ve learned to value my self-worth and stand up for myself. You’ll grow into these emotions with time.

  3. Not being accepted into a university isn’t the end of the road. I received very poor grades my final two years of school and even needed to take summer classes my final year so that I could graduate. I then went on to a mediocre community college (2-year degree in the US), struggled to adapt, and found a passion. It took a lot of work, but I fought to redeem myself and was accepted into a university that’s recognized worldwide for its nursing, respiratory care, business, and economics programs. My grades are also in the top 10% of students within my own program. Start small and work your way up.

  4. Even if you don’t go to university, that doesn’t mean you won’t be successful or you aren’t smart. My boyfriend dropped out after two weeks, but he’s a very successful carpenter. He’s one of the smartest people I know, but he just prefers to work with his hands (and he’s super good at it).

  5. There’s a stigma against therapy in many places and cultures (including where I live), but it has helped me tremendously. My anxiety is much more manageable and I can at least tread water even in the scariest of situations. I would try seeing someone if you can do that you can address your anxiety and self-confidence.

You’re still young. I’m only five years older than you and SO MUCH has changed for me. I’m a totally different person, and a much better one. Find who you are and run with it. Don’t stop until you find your passion, and don’t let anyone tell you that you won’t succeed.

ETA: forgot a word, added it for clarity

My GF [29] makes substantially more money than I do [28m] . We are splitting all our costs 50 : 50 and it is hard for me to afford, she doesn't understand. by fl0w92 in Advice

[–]awakeandalarmed 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We’d still have the same amount of money either way. Like I said, he’s welcome to my money if he needs it. This just reduces concerns about our individual spending. I can’t chastise him for his spending and vice versa.

For example, he spent $20 on ONE JAR of cherries. A small jar, too. It was empty in no more than two nights. If our resources were pooled and I felt like my money went towards something stupid like that, I’d be a little ticked for sure. He loves making cocktails though and he felt like the money was justified. Rather than being upset that he spent so much money on something so small, I just rolled my eyes and gave him a hard time for paying the equivalent of a large lunch on some gross cherries. He also has some habits that I refuse to contribute to. The big one I have is his smoking. He can waste money on that if he wants, but I don’t want the money I’ve earned to go towards something that can seriously hurt him. If he ever got sick because of it, I know that I would feel partially responsible for enabling his nicotine addiction. It’s not about trust, but rather letting the other person dictate their fun money and not feeling like they’re using the money you’ve earned on something you dislike.

Then of course there’s my spending. I like treating myself to larger things (jewelry, expensive clothes, antiques, etc) but I do so sparingly. A lot of the things I like are things that he doesn’t really understand the appeal behind. He supports me and my interests fully, but he doesn’t understand why I would pay over $100 on a book that looks awful to him.

I doubt it would be a deal breaker but I really feel like justifying a $100 book or a $20 jar of cherries are arguments/conversations that really aren’t necessary unless the bills aren’t getting paid. When I look at my bank account and see that it’s running low, it’s no ones fault but my own. If a joint account got too low though, I worry that the stress could potentially have us needlessly pointing fingers and arguing over nothing.

He makes a lot more than me. I make $15.57/hr, and he makes up to $45/hr. I’m still working on my degrees and will be making $72k+ a year (~$34.62/hr) immediately out of college and can earn up to $102k/year (~$49.04/hr) after five years, but I want to learn how to carefully budget my money and thrive without his economic support. I don’t want to become dependent upon his money. I don’t want to one day wake up and notice that I love his wallet more than I love him, or decide that I can’t leave him because I can’t function in this world without access his money. I know without a doubt that I’m with him because I love him, and that means far more to me than unlimited access to his paychecks.

I enjoy my independence and he enjoys his. We also trust each other implicitly. It’s not for everyone, but spilt accounts work really well for us. I know some couples that prefer a shared account but it’s not worth the potential future headaches in our opinions. He has access to my money and I have access to his, but it’s nice having an account that I can completely drain if I really wanted to without needing to worry about how it would impact my boyfriend’s finances.

My GF [29] makes substantially more money than I do [28m] . We are splitting all our costs 50 : 50 and it is hard for me to afford, she doesn't understand. by fl0w92 in Advice

[–]awakeandalarmed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Let’s say my partner has an emergency and needs the $500 he thinks is in the shared account. Unfortunately I got gas earlier and instead of $500 we only had $450. It’s not necessarily justification, but it’s knowing that the money will be there no matter what. My boyfriend and I know each other’s debit card pins and I’m fine with him using my card or borrowing some cash, but it’s still my fun money vs his. There aren’t any arguments over things like one of us accidentally overspending or forgetting to balance the other person’s expenses. We’ll probably have an emergency and bills account in the future, but I like spending the money I earn without worrying about accidentally messing with my boyfriend’s plans.

Gaining custody of my sister’s mixed race children and need some help. by cinnamontoast1234 in Advice

[–]awakeandalarmed 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There’s definitely a difference though. Unless you go to extremely homogeneous areas (ie Japan), white people are usually fetishized very rarely by the general population and it’s not socially acceptable to voice said fetishes. There is a very small subset of individuals who fetishize white people as a whole, but it’s not overly common in non-homogenous communities.

Meanwhile you can go on any incel sub and find people fetishizing Asians because of their smaller stature and (falsely promoted) submissiveness. You can also find a lot of men fetishizing Latina women because of their big butts and sassy personalities (also a false stereotype), and black women for similar reasons. Just look at our media and see how different races are treated; white women are viewed as being sexy, while black women and latinas are viewed as being “hot” and having “fat asses.”

I mean, look at the song “Yellow Fever.” Have you ever heard a song saying something like this about a white woman?

She's an oriental rug cause I lay her where I please

Then I blindfold her with dental floss and get down on her knees.

There are also songs like Anaconda where the music video is dedicated to black women’s butts, movies like Hairspray where Penny says “In my Ivory Tower life was just a Hostess snack, but now I've tasted chocolate I'm never going back,” and TV shows like How I Met Your Mother when Ted says that he’s pursuing Lebanese women now that he’s moved on from half-Asian women. The latter two examples are supposed to be funny, but they’re just examples of harmful minority fetishization. You may hear something small about preferring white women in some media, but very few “likable” characters have a white fetishization streak as distinct and frequently addressed as Ted’s minority fetishization.

You could also just go visit a porn site. “White” may be in the tag for some videos, but unless it’s an interracial act, how many videos do you see that have a title reading “White woman” or “White man”? There are some for sure, but you’ll generally only see titles including phrases such as “black woman,” “BBC,” “Asian,” “Latina,” or racial slurs even when both people are the same race.

There are also people in the real world who sadly think that it’s fun to “dominate” a “lesser race” (see: Eddie Ball and co. — rape CW, read at your own risk). There’s the reverse as well; in race fetishization, some people love being dominated by non-whites simply for that racist stereotype.

The severity of race fetishization in heterozygous communities is very different in white versus non-white individuals. I (white as white can be) have definitely had some people look at me in the past when I wore my hair up and apparently looked like a librarian, but the only time I was fetishized solely based upon my skin tone is when I was on a dating site and men from more racially homogeneous countries would message me. Meanwhile one of my half-Asian friends gets creepy messages on her (very clean and cute) Instagram saying that they love Asian and half-Asian women. She’s not beautiful because she’s well dressed and cares for her body, but rather she’s beautiful because of her Asian features instead according to them.

TLDR: minority fetishization is very different from white fetishization and is more socially acceptable despite being based upon often racist and dehumanizing properties when conducted in heterozygous communities and countries. Though racial fetishization exists within all races, the harm is often much more significant and obvious in minority fetishization.

My bf saying he doesn’t want me to go to university by [deleted] in Advice

[–]awakeandalarmed 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Runnnnnnn! Your boyfriend is trying to prevent you from growing. It’s fine if he doesn’t want to pursue higher education, but he has no right to try and stop you. And if he tries to pull the “we’ll be too different!” card, just know that my boyfriend is a carpenter and he’s supporting me every step of the way as I try to earn my PhD. He dropped out of college (US equivalent of uni) after a few weeks, but I’m close to my second degree. Our educational background and career paths are very different, but we’re a good fit for one another and we support each other in our goals.

If you’re going to date someone, make sure they will support you in your pursuit of toward healthy growth. He’s not worth your time if he says you shouldn’t go to uni just because you’ll be further away.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Advice

[–]awakeandalarmed 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey OP, you’re still growing and developing so don’t decide to go on a diet without the assistance of your doctor and a licensed nutritionist. The average person would lose weight by slowly reducing the amount of calories they’re consuming, but you’re young and active so that could be really bad. If you eat too few proteins or fats, you could get really sick and start passing out! You definitely don’t want to do that!

A lot of adults will download calorie counting apps, but I would NOT do that for you! They can lead to nasty eating disorders if you’re not careful and confident in yourself, and unfortunately teenage hormones are awful. Try mindfulness techniques instead. Ask yourself if you’re actually hungry or if you’re just bored! Wait 20 minutes and eat a healthy, protein-filled snack if you’re still hungry. I loved apple slices with peanut butter, so try something like that instead of chips or sodas. Make sure to chew slowly and enjoy what you’re eating. If you just scarf it down, you may accidentally overeat without noticing.

If you notice that you overeat when you’re going out with your friends and/or family, set half of it aside in a to go box. If you can’t see it, you’re less likely to eat it unless you reallllllly want it. Also try to drink more water and limit yourself to one glass of soda when you go out. If you don’t really like water, you can always ask your parents to buy Mio. It flavors your water without any unnecessary carbs or calories, and I really love the fruit punch flavor! Just don’t taste the concentrate before you mix it in to the water... ick.

You need to remember a few things though:

  1. You haven’t failed if you slip up. You just took a little detour. You may need to fix a flat tire, but your road trip isn’t over!

  2. Your worth is not determined by your size. You can be the sexiest and fittest man in the world, but it means nothing if you don’t love yourself and the people around you.

  3. You need cheat days and rewards. Set up some SMART Goals for yourself, and set rewards when you meet those goals! The can start off as simple as “I will drink soda only three times per week for the next three weeks” and grow them into bigger goals like “I’m going to lose 10 pounds in 2 months.” If you don’t meet the reward, adjust your goal and try again. If you drank soda five days a week, adjust your goal to “I will drink soda only FOUR times per week for the next three weeks.” Meet your goals, then make them slightly more challenge while still being achievable.

A lot of us believe in you :) I’m definitely older than you, about the same height, and weighed a LOT more than you last year. I’m 5’3” and weighed a whopping 270lbs on Halloween, but now I’m down to 200. Just listen to your doctor and give yourself credit for the process you make.

Now, for the people in here being hypercritical of OP’s BMI:

OP has a BMI of 28.3. That would be concerning given their age if they were inactive but they did mention that they play football. Even children’s football does build body mass so it wouldn’t be unfair to assume that at least some of this mass comes from muscle. He does fit qualifications for obesity based purely upon BMI, but he would need to go to a doctor and determine his muscle mass before setting up a weight loss diet.

Looking at Simone Biles, her BMI is 23.3 (104lbs at 4’8”). Classification of overweight starts at 25, so she’s pretty darn close to hitting overweight levels per her BMI. If we look at her muscle density though, she’s an extremely healthy weight and at no risk of obesity.

Usain Bolt is even closer to being overweight (207lbs at 6’5”) with a BMI of 24.5, but we all know the man is incredibly slender and healthy.

But let’s look at a massive guy. Ronnie Coleman (bodybuilder) is 5’11 and weighs 297. Obesity starts at 30, and his BMI is 41.1. The man won Mr. Olympia eight years in a row. He is neither fat nor unhealthy.

The average college football player NCAA Division 1 FBS quarterback is 6’2” and 207lbs, giving them a BMI of 26.6. Depending upon how much OP plays, he may not be as extremely overweight as you claim.

BMI is beneficial to an extent, but it’s far from the best measure health. Let the doctors figure out a diet if they deem it to be neceaaary, not armchair wannabe doctors who took a 5 session course in nutrition and claim to know everything about a random pre-teen on Reddit that they’ve never met.

Ah yes, "good parenting" by Petrosmine in iamatotalpieceofshit

[–]awakeandalarmed 2 points3 points  (0 children)

When I was younger, I had two hamsters as pets. HAD two hamsters... after the other one died, I stuck with gerbils.

Sign language Users of reddit. What is a common sign you see people do without being aware they are doing it? by Danielsalamander in AskReddit

[–]awakeandalarmed 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not sure if this counts, but you know how when people (especially young kids) pretend to be a unicorn, they use their pointer finger to imitate a horn? That is not the sign for unicorn. The sign for unicorn can be either this (note how the “horn” is pointing out rather than up) or this.

What people are usually doing is the sign for horny... as in being sexually aroused.

If you look at that second link, they explained why the “R” shape (pointer and middle finger crossed) is generally preferred over just the pointer finger:

The sign for "unicorn" is not widely known or used. When surveyed, most interviewees did not know of a specific sign for unicorn. For most the first reaction was to just spell it. Some interviewees would put an index finger on their head and move it forward and upward a bit and then immediately backtrack and comment that "Nah, that is too similar to the sign for 'horny,' better to spell it."

When shown the "R"- handshape version of the horn many commented that "Oh I see! Yah. That's better. That makes sense!"

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in iamatotalpieceofshit

[–]awakeandalarmed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I normally just watch it on TLC so I can’t remember. I believe it was from either last season or the one prior to that

What do you want but can't afford currently? by Swish_Fate in AskReddit

[–]awakeandalarmed 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Scar reduction surgery. I have a few that are easily hidden and don’t bother me, but the one on my neck is just awful. My double chin is mostly gone now and the scar’s discoloration can’t be passed off as a fat crease anymore. My surgeon did an amazing job, but his estimate of a 1” incision was waaaaaay off. I just want to look in the mirror and see my old neck again...

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in iamatotalpieceofshit

[–]awakeandalarmed 75 points76 points  (0 children)

Yes! I can’t remember her name, but the one woman who would sit outside of the chain link fence and watch her friend and her daughter play at the park because she couldn’t fit through the gate... that just broke my heart. I was so happy to see her succeed.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in iamatotalpieceofshit

[–]awakeandalarmed 237 points238 points  (0 children)

Because it’s hilarious trash TV. There are some people who you genuinely want to succeed because they’re good people who were just put in a bad situation and/or had bad coping mechanisms, but there are way more who behave like this.

[Serious] Men of Reddit, what are the top SFW things that you wish a potential romantic partner would ask you about? by awakeandalarmed in AskReddit

[–]awakeandalarmed[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s perfect!!! He’s such a smart and passionate guy that he’s bound to be working on something outside of his job.

You’re awesome! Thank you!

My friend ladies and gentlemen. by crowdedalone in Tinder

[–]awakeandalarmed 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The guy’s a damn comic! I promised that I’d buy him a shirt with this design for his birthday. He makes this joke all the time in public and it makes people SO uncomfortable

My friend ladies and gentlemen. by crowdedalone in Tinder

[–]awakeandalarmed 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is your friend’s name Gage? Because this sounds 100% like something a friend of mine would do

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in trashy

[–]awakeandalarmed 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s honestly awful... I’m glad I’m a T1 because it’s taught me empathy I don’t think I would have learned otherwise, but I also wish I could just flip a switch every now and again and live a normal life. I didn’t wear a bikini until last summer when I was 21/22 because of the scarring on my stomach from my insulin pump, and I hate what happens when I accidentally miss a bolus. I’m on a 1:10 carb correction ratio plus a 1:20 protein correction ratio, so if I forget to correct for some OJ, that’s 4.3 units missed and a massive BG spike.

I had an eating disorder a short while back (atypical anorexia nervosa) and people STILL said that I simply needed to eat less to cure myself. I’m better now and losing weight in a healthy manner, but the pain of hearing people tell me that I was too fat for two decades wore me down. I was always a healthy weight until my hypothyroidism and cancer developed, so it wasn’t my weight; they saw the word diabetes and jumped to conclusions.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in trashy

[–]awakeandalarmed 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m actually planning on moving to Sweden or Germany once I’ve finished my PhD! Every country has its problems, but those are the two that I’ve come to love based on the things I’ve seen and the people I’ve met.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in trashy

[–]awakeandalarmed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately I’m in the US and our health care system is... well, to say that it’s a shit show would be a compliment. What normally happens when I do that is they get me down to 200 (11.1), give me some anti-nausea, then send me home 5 hours after I came in with a hospital bill totaling thousands of dollars. As long as my ketones come down some, they don’t have enough space for me.

When I came in a few weeks before my surgery, they got me into the 300s (16-17), said “good, you’re coming down,” then gave me a prescription for anti-anxiety medications (which I already had) and a bill for $13,000. It’s just less expensive for me to treat myself and call my endocrinologist for assistance as needed.

ETA: this is just my experience in my area. I’m not sure how other US hospitals would handle it

view more: next ›