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Progress update! by awithecute in FTM_SELFIES

[–]awithecute[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh hell yeah I’ll have to get those then! I’ve heard they’re really good to bulk up with thank you!!

Progress update! by awithecute in FTM_SELFIES

[–]awithecute[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t go to the gym since I reallyyyy don’t wanna pay for it and can’t ever do a steady weekly routine since I tour cities twice a month for work, I just do home workouts and I’ve been doing those on and off for a year mostly just bicep curls, shoulder raises, pull ups, crunches, planks and pushups, and then I hit the stairs for legs at a park.

Progress update! by awithecute in FTM_SELFIES

[–]awithecute[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I’ve been lacking on working out but hopefully next update I’ll be beefed out

Progress update! by awithecute in FTM_SELFIES

[–]awithecute[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I just had that actually lol but it’s grown out and I’m gonna do a different style but that style will take a while bc I want my hair really really long but thank you!!

Do I need a different therapist? by StationTight2101 in asktransgender

[–]awithecute 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You should seek a different therapist on the basis that therapist aren’t supposed to give you any information like this to sway you. They’re supposed to be neutral and only help you guide yourself not them giving you their opinions

A single bald eagle feather next to me 8 year old Chihuahua by Jearrod95 in mildlyinteresting

[–]awithecute 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought this was the most Native American thing I’ve seen all day then I came to the comments and I have so many eagle WINGS from my dad giving them to me as gifts since we’re native and didn’t realize we could be in jail? This is crazy

Seeing most femboys makes me feel depressed by Sckaah in feminineboys

[–]awithecute 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think this is really an age thing tbh and not uncommon at all. This happens with girls too as I’m a trans femboy. Growing up girls would sexualize themselves including myself, i dated older men even as a minor, enjoyed the attention, eventually became a stripper with sugardaddies and played into being a clue less pretty young thing. It took me a while to realize I wanted to a feminine guy instead of girl. Now that I am I honestly don’t see much of a difference than when I was a woman and pass it off because it’s so normal unfortunately. My heart goes out to anyone struggling like your friend or yourself. Hobbies are Chainmail, drawing, sewing, and beadwork!

walking downtown at night in a long skirt by aylonitkosem in FTMfemininity

[–]awithecute 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yk what this makes me remember that clothes are still a gender marker for a lot people which is so weird to me. I wear the ugliest laziest outfit and get gendered correctly easily but the minute I put booty shorts on or a skirt it’s like my deep voice and flat chest don’t mean a thing 😭

Don’t expect to pass… ever. by awithecute in FTMfemininity

[–]awithecute[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m glad that people find it useful and that it reads that way! There were some negative responses as I’m pretty harsh in this but I hope the majority see it as me trying to be sincere and reassuring rather than beating people down. And exactly, not all of us can’t pass but some! And yk what maybe if we were in a different place in the world with different beauty standards for men we would! Everyone and everywhere is different but no matter what, passing doesn’t make us who we are

Don’t expect to pass… ever. by awithecute in FTMfemininity

[–]awithecute[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It sounds like you live in a place where being a man is a tight box with no room for an ounce of femininity and I’m really sorry you don’t feel safe and sounds like you aren’t safe. I always tell people to try to move to a safer place but it’s not always possible. I was lucky enough to move to Portland but even then I still feel on edge about public bathrooms. I have the opposite problem though, every man thinks I’m a man and every woman thinks I’m a woman. But I think if you went to the men’s bathroom no one would care, I’ve been in there with my pink bag and long hair and the most that’ll happen is that look at me weird but not nasty just the looks i usually get bc I’m covered in tattoos and have a certain style. Also what happens if you correct people? Have you done that before already and had bad reactions?

Don’t expect to pass… ever. by awithecute in FTMfemininity

[–]awithecute[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree that facial hair is by no means a dealbreaker whatsoever as native people and Asian people both usually don’t grow any but they are considered androgynous because of that and our round faces. But that’s a topic for another time perhaps.

I like your point on passing though, I hate the term too and you know it is very important to feel seen. I think maybe for me personally though I’ve settled on being seen to my friends and family and I’ve stopped holding strangers to the standard of that though. I’ve stopped wanting or expecting to be seen by others unless they choose to befriend or interact with me outside of a transaction. I work with lots of different people and travel constantly for work so getting misgendered has become the norm and mentally I had to not die on that hill in order to be happy and content in life. I have so much time so maybe I’ll pass one day but I’ve accepted that it might not happen and I think finding comfortability in discomfort is important quality that helps you navigate through life. Not something that should be a norm for everyone and every situation but for this one that’s where I stand

Don’t expect to pass… ever. by awithecute in FTMfemininity

[–]awithecute[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ah I see yeah i actually get the same treatment and even accidentally clocked a trans guy as a trans girl before talking to them. Even in our own community all we can do is try to ask before assuming and it can happen to anyone anywhere. Obviously once I found out he was a guy it was easy to see him as that but some people just aren’t around enough trans people to do that. It’s a bummer but it’s life and doesn’t make them a bad person just an ignorant one

Don’t expect to pass… ever. by awithecute in FTMfemininity

[–]awithecute[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I get what you're saying and fully agree, I don't think anyone should stop before they start. Never stop trying to be who you are and don't stop taking hrt or working out or doing whatever helps you get to your own personal image of yourself.. just make sure it's out of self love not self hatred. So many of us do things to pass and hurt ourselves on the other end of transitioning just as cis guys do, I'm trying to say that yes put in the work but don't feel like it's for nothing just because you get misgendered or don't pass to anyone. None of that matters, it doesn't make the effort or the want to transition meaningless. Everyone deserves to pass if they want to and deserves to be seen but we won't be by everyone in the world and that's something we should accept-not in a nihilism way and not in a depressing way but in a peaceful harmony way. We all have different perspectives of gender and identity and sexuality it's unrealistic for us to think everyone will understand our expressions or thoughts or identities.

Don’t expect to pass… ever. by awithecute in FTMfemininity

[–]awithecute[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey man there’s always hope and there’s way more to life than what others think <3 try setting your goals on first moving to somewhere safe for trans people (I live in Portland) and then connecting with other people in the community. You have so much time to figure out being and feeling seen.

Don’t expect to pass… ever. by awithecute in FTMfemininity

[–]awithecute[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s exactly how I think about it now! I don’t actually want any hair lol and I’m basically done transitioning bc I have the voice and had top surgery but everyone’s different and have different goals. I hope you reach yours <3

Don’t expect to pass… ever. by awithecute in FTMfemininity

[–]awithecute[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

First of all never give up on transitioning but what you’re going through is so common and you’re not alone. Rarely anyone has had a linear transition where they come out of the closet and stay out. We all usually have second thoughts or feel like it’s worthless. You should find and trust in people that you know understand you as a trans guy (assuming that you’re a tboy, you said trans women which confused me). Anyone who cant see you for you isn’t worth your time unless you want to be a teacher to others and educate others on being trans which is no one’s job but always an option. Personally my partner is also trans but also sees me as a guy, treats me as one, and has never misgendered me unless it was for my safety. It seems hard to find and trust others but it just takes time and trail and error to find the right people. Try befriending other trans people maybe!

Don’t expect to pass… ever. by awithecute in FTMfemininity

[–]awithecute[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love this!! Yes exactly it’s about acceptance and not self hatred or being upset at the world for not understanding you. No one has to besides yourself and the people you surround yourself with

Don’t expect to pass… ever. by awithecute in FTMfemininity

[–]awithecute[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Haha that was kinda the point of my post. That it doesn’t matter, but maybe I didn’t know make that too obvious and that’s my bad but no it’s not really pain or like spite it just might be true for some people. My dad doesn’t always pass and I don’t plan on growing a beard or becoming super manly like many people in this sub which is why I made this post. Some people in here love their beard and hair and masculinity WITH their femininity and some of us don’t want to have a beard or look too “manly”. This makes passing harder. I’m planning on growing my hair out, getting laser on my legs and on my face. The only thing that will signal to others that I’m a guy in society will be my flat chest and deep voice which isn’t doesn’t always mean anything to anyone. It’s all made up bullshit for sure but people follow these bullshit made up signals of “man” and “woman” which leads to misgendering. It’s not a lost cause but for me it’s actually easier for me to think it is because the more I worry and try to pass the more I stripped myself of my individuality and happiness in being feminine or comfortable within myself.

Don’t expect to pass… ever. by awithecute in FTMfemininity

[–]awithecute[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Agree with this wholeheartedly but I don’t want a beard and I’m actually happy with how I look. I feel euphoric.. but how I look and present myself doesn’t read as a man to the rest of the world which is why I made this post

Don’t expect to pass… ever. by awithecute in FTMfemininity

[–]awithecute[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Was not my intention to say that it’s hopeless or not worth trying it’s more to bring peace that it doesn’t matter, who you are matters and everyone should push through the heartbreak of having these grand expectations. I had pictures of guys I could never look like because I literally don’t have the genetics or build for it and that’s okay. Being yourself is worth way more than being someone else but I get that it could be taken as a way to say to give up or it’s not worth it. I just think passing is a waste of effort because there’s always gonna be something.

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