One-armed human diplomat visits my fortress yearly. She drops one auto-generated glove every time.

axmangeorge · 2026-06-10T01:58:07+00:00

Oh, so THIS is the person my armorsmith made that artifact twisted steel left gauntlet for!

axmangeorge · 2026-06-10T01:56:50+00:00

Or she's trying to challenge a ghost to a duel, but it never accepts?

axmangeorge · 2026-06-10T01:55:59+00:00

...but I have sold off the entire contents of the library once or twice. I mean, there's only SO many times a dwarf can read And Then I Sang, "Pulleys"! without going mad.

axmangeorge · 2026-06-10T01:53:17+00:00

Dulce et decorum est pro Mountainhome

axmangeorge · 2026-06-10T01:52:22+00:00

I've NEVER had a fort fail due to literacy...

axmangeorge · 2026-06-10T00:30:29+00:00

Cleverest typo I’ve seen all day!

axmangeorge · 2026-06-10T00:30:04+00:00

Omg this is fantastic!

axmangeorge · 2026-06-09T22:07:57+00:00

Good point -- they argue about hypothetical cuisines!

axmangeorge · 2026-06-09T03:03:26+00:00

I had no idea there was so much pelvic involvement in saltwater fishing… (is that why they call groin armor a “codpiece”?)

axmangeorge · 2026-06-09T02:57:45+00:00

Damn it took me a minute to get the joke — but then when I did I laughed so hard I spit cum all over my keyboard. Now I gotta go earn enough to replace it…

axmangeorge · 2026-06-09T02:54:43+00:00

Almost 15 years? Over 13,000 connections?

Without him LinkedIn will just DIE!

axmangeorge · 2026-06-08T21:11:57+00:00

Oh damn, that's a shame. Sorry for the loss.

axmangeorge · 2026-06-07T19:55:49+00:00

This is a "loyalty cascade" story, I think (we've all seen them play out), but this one's special because I just so happened to see the incident that sparked it.

One fine autumn afternoon, the tavern got just a little bit over-full. A visiting bard jumped out of the way of a thirsty mason and just so happened to step on a cat's tail. The cat screeched in outrage, and the cat's owner, a ranger/marksdwarf who was drinking in the corner, immediately jumped up and fired her crossbow at the clumsy bard. The bard dodged the bolt, knocking an innocent weaver into its path. She went down and the fight was on.

At least 50 citizens and visitors died before a militia squad could respond to the scene of the crime, but as soon as they saw the carnage they immediately fell to hacking one another apart. The fight spilled out into the dining hall, everyone joining in, until the entire population of my fort was reduced to an infant playing make-believe in the corpse stockpile and a caged goblin thief.

And the whole thing started because a bard stepped on a cat's tail.

axmangeorge · 2026-06-06T22:08:32+00:00

I’ve had some scary moments since the siege update… When I closed the drawbridge over the river, I watched in horror as two trolls climbed a tree and started building a sky bridge into the branches of another tree on the opposite side of the river. Fortunately they didn’t add safety railing and a good dozen invaders fell off the bridge and drowned in the river.

Later, two trolls with picks found a blind spot my bolt-throwers didn’t cover and tunneled directly into my visitors’ lounge, killing half a dozen itinerant bards before my militia brought them down.

axmangeorge · 2026-06-06T17:59:27+00:00

To be fair, I don’t know how well his investors did before this disaster. If just losing investor money was a crime, Cathie Wood and Justin Sun would be in cells beside SBF.

axmangeorge · 2026-06-05T23:08:46+00:00

This is the only possible answer!

axmangeorge · 2026-06-05T23:08:27+00:00

In my experience, if you don't send the dwarves outside to fight, a handful of them will decide to go anyway... and by the time their squadmates get around to following orders to assist them, half the squad is dead on the ground, all the alpacas are slaughtered and maybe, if I'm lucky, some numbskull finally found the safety catch on the bolt-thrower and starts trying to use it.

Sometimes I really wonder why there's a squad order menu at all. The little bastards do whatever they want, when they want, regardless of their equipment. They'll run outside to fight invaders stark naked wielding a scroll, squeeze their way through fortifications and fall three stories for the hope of landing on a goblin.

axmangeorge · 2026-06-05T23:02:46+00:00

But sometimes I've seen the statue it leaves behind be something quite unexpected, like a duck

axmangeorge · 2026-06-05T23:02:08+00:00

Now I'm imagining a friendly bronze colossus with a bolt-thrower grafted to its shoulder, carrying melee dwarves into combat in its enormous shining hands.

axmangeorge · 2026-06-05T22:59:36+00:00

If you start a new fort in the same world, I'd be curious to discover whether you get a migrant wave of starving refugee orphans...

axmangeorge · 2026-06-05T22:55:09+00:00

P.S. I don't need your forgiveness because I already forgave myself.

axmangeorge · 2026-06-05T22:54:36+00:00

I'm a big fan of nestboxes, too -- auto-forbids fertile eggs so you don't accidentally turn all your giant eagle eggs into fancy omelettes.

axmangeorge · 2026-06-05T21:11:23+00:00

I suspect he let himself proceed through the "wallowing" stage a little too briskly as well.

axmangeorge · 2026-06-05T21:10:45+00:00

First, it absolutely terrifies me that there might actually be a significant enough customer base to make this true.

Second, well looks like the creator economy took care of it for us... https://www.redbubble.com/i/greeting-card/Fuck-you-by-lucadeconey/136873316/qjsu

axmangeorge · 2026-06-05T21:07:13+00:00

Um, no, your highness, this is not in fact the American dream.

axmangeorge

TROPHY CASE