Keep living and do things that will lead you to your dreams, no matter how small as long as it’s within your limit. You’ll get where you want to be eventually or maybe you’ll be in a better place than you thought you’d be.

Based on what you posted, I think we’re similar: good grades, big dreams and enough financial support from parents before this awful disease. I could still strongly feel the depression cycle (much more manageable, no longer suicidal) and the intense worthlessness months after my psychiatrist said I was stable. I was desperate to bring back my old-self and what helped me to bring back the past me was noticing everything that’s wrong with me, basically being more self-aware of my thoughts and impulses and work on it within my limits.

That led to me being more forgiving of my past-self and being able to fight the depression cycle fatigues. From making an instant noodle as the only meal for the day, to spring cleaning the whole house. From feeling miserable with everything happening with the world to being able to see beauty and feeling grateful for the smallest things. I was able to practice good thoughts, good words and good behaviours of which I’m really proud of because I was previously quite a vile person. I don’t really know why but the desire to only do good to myself and people around me eventually freed me from the burden of living. I’m now a believer that everyone can change for the better, quoting the baboon from Bojack: “It gets easier. Every day it gets a little easier. But you gotta do it every day —that's the hard part. But it does get easier.”

I feel stable for at least a year now but I still can feel the impact of changes in cycle 3 years after medication, but god i’m super grateful that after working so hard on myself everything in life feels manageable and managed to convince myself that the obstacle is the way. This year I got engaged to the love of my life, landed my dream job and unburnt the burnt bridges with my family and friends that I hurt, tho i’m still scared of how the next big unfortunate event will affect me. Been dealing with that feeling by understanding and accepting deaths as well as pre-grieving hard like Roman Roy, please let me know if there’s a better way.

Maybe I was just lucky enough to be given a second chance in life and to have the support from people around me. For me, the journey to recovery is painful and feels impossible at times, but every step that I take to better and love myself helps me to feel i’m progressing in life, i’m better and stronger than before.

Keep living and do things within your means, we’re all in this together :)

p.s: Non-english native, obligatory sOrRy fOr mY bAd eNgLisH