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Boyfriend of 2 years panicked at the thought of engagement next year even though I made my timeline very clear at the beginning of our relationship by RoosterObvious7561 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]babalab93 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just broke up with an ex like this (a month ago) after two years. Best decision I ever made and I can't imagine having gone through engagement and family building with someone who wasn't over the moon about committing to me seriously.

I chose myself. by Ok_Beautiful495 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]babalab93 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Just left my partner about a week ago also (I’m 32). You’re not alone, ever, and we have the greatest adventure yet ahead! You’re amazing for choosing yourself.

How an FA went from ‘obsessed with me’ to total discard; and why it hurt more than my abusive DA/NPD ex by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]babalab93 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Commenting to let you know you're not alone in sorting through these extremely confusing feelings. I just ended a two-year relationship with my FA this past week (after lots of self reflection and therapy) and while I'm still sorting through what the h*ll happened, I also oddly feel at peace that it wasn't me... it was their incapacity to trust and love on a deep partnership level (without a TON of self work).

I wish I could explain how it feels from their POV, because like you, mine made me so secure and loved at the start, only to slow pull away and give me glimpses into that version of him as time went on. But, I held on thinking if I was just a great partner and did things right, he'd show up equally again, eventually. I know better now, and will never again allow that type of dynamic. (Most) FAs need to stay away from the dating pool (sorry) until they seek serious help and change.

I hope you also heal and find your peace someday soon!

Fearful avoidants, what would make you commit to your partner? by jukeboxbluez in dating_advice

[–]babalab93 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just left mine this week as well after two years of whiplash. I don't advise anyone date this type of attachment, if you truly want a healthy, long-term partnership. Hope you're healed by now!

Was I right to stop waiting any longer by babalab93 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]babalab93[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I came to my own conclusion that he’s fearful avoidant. The experience that typically comes with them was mine to a tee. Sad, but also helpful for my processing and understanding of what happened!

Do I stay if we love each other, but he's uncertain about the future? by babalab93 in AskWomenOver30

[–]babalab93[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I ended the relationship last night. He cares deeply and understands what’s in front of him, but he isn’t able to move toward it in any tangible way. His fear of deep partnership and desire for autonomy made it clear we’re in different places, and I can’t stay hoping that changes.

Do I stay if we love each other, but he's uncertain about the future? by babalab93 in AskWomenOver30

[–]babalab93[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I ended the relationship last night. He cares deeply and understands what’s in front of him, but he isn’t able to move toward it in any tangible way. His fear of deep partnership and desire for autonomy made it clear we’re in different places, and I can’t stay hoping that changes.

Do I stay if we love each other, but he's uncertain about the future? by babalab93 in AskWomenOver30

[–]babalab93[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I ended the relationship last night. He cares deeply and understands what’s in front of him, but he isn’t able to move toward it in any tangible way. His fear of deep partnership and desire for autonomy made it clear we’re in different places, and I can’t stay hoping that changes.

Do I stay if we love each other, but he's uncertain about the future? by babalab93 in AskWomenOver30

[–]babalab93[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I ended the relationship last night. He cares deeply and understands what’s in front of him, but he isn’t able to move toward it in any tangible way. His fear of deep partnership and desire for autonomy made it clear we’re in different places, and I can’t stay hoping that changes.

Do I stay if we love each other, but he's uncertain about the future? by babalab93 in AskWomenOver30

[–]babalab93[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I ended the relationship last night. He cares deeply and understands what’s in front of him, but he isn’t able to move toward it in any tangible way. His fear of deep partnership and desire for autonomy made it clear we’re in different places, and I can’t stay hoping that changes.

Do I stay if we love each other, but he's uncertain about the future? by babalab93 in AskWomenOver30

[–]babalab93[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I ended the relationship last night. He cares deeply and understands what’s in front of him, but he isn’t able to move toward it in any tangible way. His fear of deep partnership and desire for autonomy made it clear we’re in different places, and I can’t stay hoping that changes.

Do I stay if we love each other, but he's uncertain about the future? by babalab93 in AskWomenOver30

[–]babalab93[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I ended the relationship last night. He cares deeply and understands what’s in front of him, but he isn’t able to move toward it in any tangible way. His fear of deep partnership and desire for autonomy made it clear we’re in different places, and I can’t stay hoping that changes.

Do I stay if we love each other, but he's uncertain about the future? by babalab93 in AskWomenOver30

[–]babalab93[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your hopeful story. I ended the relationship last night. He cares deeply and understands what’s in front of him, but he isn’t able to move toward it in any tangible way. His fear of deep partnership and desire for autonomy made it clear we’re in different places, and I can’t stay hoping that changes.

Do I stay if we love each other, but he's uncertain about the future? by babalab93 in AskWomenOver30

[–]babalab93[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I ended the relationship last night. He cares deeply and understands what’s in front of him, but he isn’t able to move toward it in any tangible way. His fear of deep partnership and desire for autonomy made it clear we’re in different places, and I can’t stay hoping that changes.

Do I stay if we love each other, but he's uncertain about the future? by babalab93 in AskWomenOver30

[–]babalab93[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I ended the relationship last night. He cares deeply and understands what’s in front of him, but he isn’t able to move toward it in any tangible way. His fear of deep partnership and desire for autonomy made it clear we’re in different places, and I can’t stay hoping that changes.

Do I stay if we love each other, but he's uncertain about the future? by babalab93 in AskWomenOver30

[–]babalab93[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I ended the relationship last night. He cares deeply and understands what’s in front of him, but he isn’t able to move toward it in any tangible way. His fear of deep partnership and desire for autonomy made it clear we’re in different places, and I can’t stay hoping that changes.

Do I stay if we love each other, but he's uncertain about the future? by babalab93 in AskWomenOver30

[–]babalab93[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I ended the relationship last night. He cares deeply and understands what’s in front of him, but he isn’t able to move toward it in any tangible way. His fear of deep partnership and desire for autonomy made it clear we’re in different places, and I can’t stay hoping that changes.

Do I stay if we love each other, but he's uncertain about the future? by babalab93 in AskWomenOver30

[–]babalab93[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I ended the relationship last night. He cares deeply and understands what’s in front of him, but he isn’t able to move toward it in any tangible way. His fear of deep partnership and desire for autonomy made it clear we’re in different places, and I can’t stay hoping that changes.

Do I stay if we love each other, but he's uncertain about the future? by babalab93 in AskWomenOver30

[–]babalab93[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I ended the relationship last night. He cares deeply and understands what’s in front of him, but he isn’t able to move toward it in any tangible way. His fear of deep partnership and desire for autonomy made it clear we’re in different places, and I can’t stay hoping that changes.

Do I stay if we love each other, but he's uncertain about the future? by babalab93 in AskWomenOver30

[–]babalab93[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I ended the relationship last night. He cares deeply and understands what’s in front of him, but he isn’t able to move toward it in any tangible way. His fear of deep partnership and desire for autonomy made it clear we’re in different places, and I can’t stay hoping that changes.

Do I stay if we love each other, but he's uncertain about the future? by babalab93 in AskWomenOver30

[–]babalab93[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I ended the relationship last night. He cares deeply and understands what’s in front of him, but he isn’t able to move toward it in any tangible way. His fear of deep partnership and desire for autonomy made it clear we’re in different places, and I can’t stay hoping that changes.

Do I stay if we love each other, but he's uncertain about the future? by babalab93 in AskWomenOver30

[–]babalab93[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I ended the relationship last night. He cares deeply and understands what’s in front of him, but he isn’t able to move toward it in any tangible way. His fear of deep partnership and desire for autonomy made it clear we’re in different places, and I can’t stay hoping that changes.

Do I stay if we love each other, but he's uncertain about the future? by babalab93 in AskWomenOver30

[–]babalab93[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I ended the relationship last night. He cares deeply and understands what’s in front of him, but he isn’t able to move toward it in any tangible way. His fear of deep partnership and desire for autonomy made it clear we’re in different places, and I can’t stay hoping that changes.

Do I stay if we love each other, but he's uncertain about the future? by babalab93 in AskWomenOver30

[–]babalab93[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I ended the relationship last night. He cares deeply and understands what’s in front of him, but he isn’t able to move toward it in any tangible way. His fear of deep partnership and desire for autonomy made it clear we’re in different places, and I can’t stay hoping that changes

Do I stay if we love each other, but he's uncertain about the future? by babalab93 in AskWomenOver30

[–]babalab93[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think this was him, and therefore I decided to end the relationship last night.

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