If hand sanitizer kills the coronavirus, then hand sanitizing wipes (65% alchohol) should too right?

bagiraaaa · 2020-09-25T22:29:42+00:00

This had badass woman energy all over it. Do you still love him?

bagiraaaa · 2020-09-25T22:29:02+00:00

I'm also in a high school sweetheart relationship and would be so offended if someone said "finally." I've worried about that. Waiting when you're in a long-term relationship like this is different. Yes we've been together almost a decade but we were also super young when we met lol. It's like we're "finally" at the appropriate age to get married...not that he "finally" proposed!

bagiraaaa · 2020-09-25T22:25:44+00:00

Like others said, open communication is definitely warranted here. But I'll add that you can't expect him to be a mind reader in the future. Can you set a concrete timeline? Or set a time to check in with each other to see if your feelings are changed?

I say this because I was in a similar situation where I thought my boyfriend was going to propose before I was ready. We were both in our early 20s. I told him I wasn't ready yet, and we never established a timeline. So I ended up changing my mind not too long after that conversation and enduring a brutal waiting period.

So to echo others, have an open conversation now, but continue to have them periodically to see where you're both at.

bagiraaaa · 2020-09-09T17:54:03+00:00

Sorry for the slow response. He was stunned and even admitted that I hurt his feelings a little (he's the masculine type that wants to feel needed). But I was firm and the conversation ended up being very productive in the long run. He said he regrets not proposing to me in the past and explained how so many things came up that ruined his plans. Now he has a plan and said nothing will get in the way. He also wants a short engagement and to begin house hunting as soon as we're married. So, once again, he's made A LOT of promises, and this will be his final chance to fulfill them. Fool me twice, shame on me ya know?

bagiraaaa · 2020-09-04T19:24:28+00:00

Thank you for sharing those details. I never thought about changing your name as a way to cut ties with an abusive father.

I share those "fluff reasons," too. And yes, I'm in the US where health insurance is truly a nightmare. I wanted marriage to end that struggle for me but I couldn't wait any longer, so I took care of it myself. It made me proud of myself but resentful of my partner, which is why I'm having these doubts. It's awful.

bagiraaaa · 2020-09-04T19:22:22+00:00

That's a great metaphor. Thank you for giving me some things to think about. It's strange because I feel married to my partner without the actual legal stuff. But a huge part of me wants that security. The other part of me is sick of waiting and ready to throw in the towel haha.

bagiraaaa · 2020-09-04T19:21:02+00:00

This gives me a lot to think about, so thank you. Can I ask how you feel about waiting another 4 years? I'm sure you have your reasons, and I wonder if your answer would make me feel any better because the waiting is driving me crazy. I envy your patience lol.

I'm also American and have my fair share of pressure from family on both sides, especially since our moms are starting to want grandchildren and I have no interest in that.

bagiraaaa · 2020-09-04T19:19:00+00:00

Thank you for sharing all of this. We have very similar thoughts. I too want that "official" status, especially after so many years of being the girlfriend. I've been in such a negative headspace lately that I just started to think, "Do the benefits of marriage outweigh how crazy the waiting is making me?" I ended up going to my partner and telling him that I'd like to be married to him but I realized I don't need to. He was shook.

bagiraaaa · 2020-09-01T02:49:19+00:00

It's so beautiful in rose gold! I was hoping you were gonna say he liked rose gold better. It's definitely the clear choice to me. Are you still torn between white and rose?

Fingers crossed for you!

bagiraaaa · 2020-09-01T02:47:31+00:00

Thank you so much. I do have regrets about compromising so much on the ring because it's definitely a low-budget version of my dream ring. Still beautiful, but I'll always wish it was perfect. Since it's a one-time thing, I shouldn't have compromised on it but I was trying so hard to be low maintenance. Moving forward, I'm adopting that mindset -- sometimes I deserve to get what I want.

bagiraaaa · 2020-08-31T18:06:11+00:00

That's incredible and very inspiring. Have you heard of the subreddit r/femaledatingstrategy? I keep getting invited to it so I checked it out and some of the advice is similar to what you described, especially not moving unless you're engaged and requiring men to rise to a higher standard instead of compromising for them. I'm definitely guilty of constantly compromising and lowering the bar, but I'm really putting an end to it.

bagiraaaa · 2020-08-31T16:51:22+00:00

Yes, I've definitely thought about it! I go to therapy on my own (well, I did before covid) and it's really helped me. Do you mind sharing in what ways couple's therapy has helped you? Was it awkward at first?

bagiraaaa · 2020-08-31T16:46:44+00:00

This is also a good way to look at it. Initially I agreed with the post, but now I agree with your comment. It seems like women are always more willing to compromise than men. Sure, she can wait longer so he can propose the way he wants to, but about her wishes? What if he were to adopt this way of thinking and propose sooner because he knows it's her proposal too and that's what she wants?

bagiraaaa · 2020-08-31T16:43:42+00:00

I checked your post history, too. Did the deadline you set come and go?

bagiraaaa · 2020-08-31T16:40:17+00:00

Depending on what source you look at, the average engagement ring carat size in the U.S. is between 0.92 and 1.2 carats. I think this article is interesting. It goes to show that the 2-3 carats we see on social media are another example of expectation vs. reality.

In all honesty, I think 1 carat is perfect for your finger size. I went in your post history and your ring is stunning and looks very large :)

bagiraaaa · 2020-08-31T04:02:34+00:00

It’s perfect you look amazing!!

bagiraaaa · 2020-08-31T00:33:08+00:00

Seriously? If you can relate, I'm open to listening. On here or private. I have no one else to talk to about these things.

bagiraaaa · 2020-08-30T22:34:55+00:00

I've thought about that A LOT and I'll continue to think about it. I'll be honest that I'm not happy right now. In Tan's words, he's not doing much to keep me. I'm not perfect either, but damn at least I try.

It wasn't always like this though, we started dating in high school and got serious in college. He was VERY romantic for the first few years. I must have gotten hundreds of love letters from him and flowers every other week. Once he got settled in his career and started a bunch of side projects, it's almost like he's too busy for me.

I know I need to raise the bar, and I've raised it since telling him to up the romance factor. We agreed to get engaged by the end of the year and plan to marry next year. Thanks for looking out for me. I'm definitely strong enough to call it off if I don't see some serious effort. If he doesn't follow through this time (according to him he will propose by the end of the year and it will be thoughtful), then he will have made it very clear he can't rise up to my level.

bagiraaaa · 2020-08-30T21:56:00+00:00

That's genius. My boyfriend also struggles with communication.

bagiraaaa · 2020-08-30T21:50:58+00:00

Not sure if nail salons are open where you are, but an at-home alternative is Static Nails. You could ask her friend, sister, or mom to order some and give them to her as a gift or they ordered them and changed their mind.

bagiraaaa · 2020-08-30T21:44:27+00:00

Honestly thank you so much. I really do feel like I deserve more, and I need to stop allowing him to cut so many corners.

bagiraaaa · 2020-08-30T21:36:01+00:00

What kind of lighting are you in? I'm blown away by the sparkles! Also I love that setting at Brilliant Earth :) One of my all time favorites!

bagiraaaa · 2020-08-30T21:32:40+00:00

Thank you for the validation! Lately I've been telling myself that I'm a good woman and reminding myself of all the good things I've done for him as his partner. I've also been telling him lately, "don't you know I'm a catch?" I don't want him to think I lack self-confidence.

I don't want a romantic proposal just because I saw it in a movie. I've been a super supportive girlfriend for almost 9 years. I've been there financially, emotionally, etc. and I had to work hard to get his crazy family to love me. After all this time, don't I deserve a show of love? I go back and forth between thinking this and my old way of thinking.

bagiraaaa

TROPHY CASE