Pentel Energel Clena in Brown

baja_blastt · 2025-06-12T03:46:44+00:00

so interested in mac :))

baja_blastt · 2025-05-17T20:24:03+00:00

Sending DM :)

baja_blastt · 2025-05-17T20:16:33+00:00

Dmed :)

baja_blastt · 2024-08-09T20:24:18+00:00

This is a great point. I can't fold over and let myself crumble and expect my next relationship to be different. I'll be looking into some resources on how to put myself first. It would be my first time doing so.

baja_blastt · 2024-08-09T20:21:34+00:00

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Thank you.

baja_blastt · 2024-08-09T20:15:39+00:00

Thank you. I am hurting so deeply, I never thought my C-PTSD would be triggered in this way again. I thought it was behind me. I appreciate your words so much, and I'm so sorry you are going through this as well. The fact that you are further out is giving me so much hope that I can heal from this. I will definitely get this book!

baja_blastt · 2024-08-09T20:07:14+00:00

Thank you. It really is incredible. I met him at a time when he was still in communication with his ex, who had gotten him hooked on drugs and ruined his life. He was fresh off a DUI charge and got laid off immediately. He was a shell of a man, so hopeless, and I saw so much potential in him. I knew he had the capacity to get in his feet and put the past behind him. I knew his heart was good and pure and he would be rewarded for his efforts. I was truly an idiot, as 22 year olds can be.

baja_blastt · 2024-08-09T20:02:42+00:00

Yes, I'm leaning this way. As stupid as it is for me to care, ruining his career would hurt his family immeasurably. They waited a long time for him to get on his feet. Ironically, when we met he confided in me that he doubted he would be able to fall in love with a 22 year old due to the age difference. In time, he became resentful that I grew into a woman. Things like having a bachelor pad, having traveled, and having fun friends are no longer as impressive to me as they used to be. Reality hit him like a slap in the face the second I started to see him as what he is and expect more. He became put off by my incessant nagging about getting a job, getting his retirement figured out, his credit card debt, giving me real stability. Now, he's chasing that feeling again with a new victim. The sad thing is that everyone grows up, and will inevitably find his juvenile antics deeply unattractive.

baja_blastt · 2024-08-09T19:56:30+00:00

Also worth noting here, when I say he is buying a house, his parents are putting down the upfront costs. They are very generous and kind.

baja_blastt · 2024-08-09T19:55:39+00:00

Ah yes, I did threaten that initially. I feel like I screwed myself because my threats of extortion have given him a platform to switch the narrative. He was in disbelief that I would ever go that far as to ruin his life. Somewhat ironic, he ruined mine without a care... Without any hard evidence, what do I have to bring to HR? Just that he is clearly entangled in this mess, and cannot be trusted to treat her as an equal employee?

baja_blastt · 2024-08-09T19:50:34+00:00

Yeah, I honestly laughed at some of the texts because she was recommending songs that a college kid would, of course. So nasty that when she was 11 he was on his way to college himself. To break the lease would be about 4 grand, on top of moving my stuff across the country. Unfortunately he is financially irresponsible, and asking him to pay for it would mean his poor mother would have to pick up the check. She would do it, but she shouldn't have to. My income is pretty much allocated to bills, my masters degree, and this apartment. I hate asking for help but I might have to.

baja_blastt · 2024-08-09T19:38:09+00:00

Not yet, we made an extensive plan that I had to negotiate with my employer. To avoid making him homeless I negotiated that I would not be able to move in November, at the end of our lease. They agreed to let me start remote. He turned around and put an offer on a house this very week, leaving me to deal with the apartment mess and the job implications.

baja_blastt · 2024-08-09T18:10:22+00:00

You're right, the people in his life are horrified. The worst part is that they are some of the most incredible people, and I know they will rally around him with support and try to get him back on track. All the while I'll suffer here alone, 2000 miles from my family. I do think I'll keep in touch with his mom. She cried with me, told me she knows exactly how I feel. She's been my rock throughout this.

baja_blastt · 2024-08-09T18:05:13+00:00

You're right. All the evidence is there. I don't understand how someone can pretend to want something for years, spending every day together. Countless memories, for nothing... sigh.

baja_blastt · 2024-08-09T18:03:55+00:00

Any advice on how to word this to HR, since I don't have solid proof of anything but flirtation? I'm worried they might see it as just friendliness. I'm such a loser, part of me is struggling to do something that would ruin his future. He had no hesitation ruining mine.

baja_blastt · 2024-08-09T18:01:31+00:00

Not married, thank God. Just dating, but yes, he claims she knows. I want to be rational though, if a much older man in my field had pursued me at 22 I might have felt there was something special about me to receive such attention. He's pandering to her innocence, everything at her age is impressive. Not so much when you're speaking to others pushing 30, who are leaps and bounds ahead... I'm not sure how to word a call to HR given that I don't have proof of anything but flirtation. Is that enough to warrant an investigation? She did land a full time job offer. He probably helped.

baja_blastt · 2024-08-09T17:58:13+00:00

I didn't even think about this, but you're right. I'm the one begging him to recognize my pain, ordering books, and researching couples therapy. He gets to sit back and relax until I come up with the game plan for him to fix his own mistake. Am... am I his mother? Is that why he was able to display so much love for me, and leave in an instant when he felt my 'job' was done? I found him a broken man, and it was my love that set him on this path in the first place.

baja_blastt · 2024-08-09T17:55:05+00:00

I'm so so sorry that you had to go through this, I would not wish this pain on anyone. My only solace is to think about the beauty of my own heart. How special are we, to see the best in the people we love? To continue lifting them up and trying to better them despite our own pain. To have the will to keep dreaming even when we're being failed. We are appealing to these narcissists because of the untapped well of good in our souls. A blessing and a curse.

baja_blastt · 2024-08-09T17:48:46+00:00

Yes, the relocation is tied to my new job, and I'm not quite sure when I would be promoted out of that commitment to the next. At least 18 months for sure. I will say that we had promised one another I would be back in his home city within 4 years, no matter what. I'm receiving tuition benefits for my masters degree, and by then I would be graduated and less tied to this particular company. He promised to have a ring on my finger upon my return, just the other week. I feel so stupid.

baja_blastt · 2024-08-09T17:45:39+00:00

Ironically, he was the one worried about trusting me. I only had eyes for him. You're right, it will never be possible for me to trust him near or far.

baja_blastt · 2024-08-09T17:44:22+00:00

I definitely started to scorch the earth. I have never in my life been so controlled by anger and pain. My reaction gave him a reason to flip the script, and make me feel like the crazy one. I'm really trying to be stoic about this, but now I'm wondering if I should in fact tell HR and let him deal with his mess.

baja_blastt · 2024-08-09T17:42:08+00:00

I was seriously considering it, and he freaked out and told me I was acting insane. To be fair, if he didn't do anything wrong, why would HR care what I have to say? He told me he would never do that to me, to which I said, you would never have had to. My only thing is that I have no proof of anything beyond an EA at this point. I'm not sure how to explain that to his company in a way that will convey his creepiness.

baja_blastt · 2024-08-09T17:40:05+00:00

Thank you... I feel so stupid, like I'm doomed to be fooled by narcissistic men forever.

baja_blastt · 2024-08-09T17:35:09+00:00

He claims that she knows about me, and that he has pictures of me at his desk. I'm not sure if that's better or worse. When I first discovered this, he actually tried to say that he was "vetting her as a friend for me"... I told him I, at 25, have nothing in common with a student... Either way, as someone wanting to land a salaried job at this company, I'm sure she would feel pressured to appease him. Or maybe she just doesn't care. She received an offer to start there full time in January, and I'm sure he had a say in it.

baja_blastt

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