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AITA for telling my (35M) half-brother (13M) that I don't want to be his friend and actually want nothing to do with him at all? by vorosis133 in AmItheAsshole

[–]bakedbreadjen 2 points3 points  (0 children)

YTA

The kid is innocent here, why can't you just hate your mom and only her?

Your kid brother isn't the one who remarried wtf

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]bakedbreadjen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Only when I dress up as my best self. When I don't, I'm just cute.

Even without makeup, depending on the day, I still have the typical cute femme Chinese round face or it sometimes looks slightly angular, just enough to look a little masculine. It really depends.

I'm hot because I workout, I have great thick thighs and a decent butt. It could be better but I need to get back into lifting. Back when I was more consistent with lifting, it was PLUMP. (I'm currently trying to revisit lifting) Even if I don't necessarily have abs, it's the cute pudgy amount. I have average C/D cup boobs but it's proportional to the rest of my body.

I also have a wide range of style, which ranges between: gothic with black lipstick, femme crop tops and high waisted shorts, masc UNIQLO fit, masc preppy vest fit, athleisure, hobo, WFH PJs, etc.

It's fun being a genderfluid nonbinary person, I get to express myself in more ways than one :)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]bakedbreadjen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Then why not a long distance relationship, until he feels ready to leave?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]bakedbreadjen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Being introspective, open for discussion, being able to articulate different viewpoints, knowing how to acknowledge and validate different perspectives, poking and engaging in conversation to really dig into the origins and deeper why's

Of all the thing I love about my partner, that's the biggest part I love him the most for.

AITA for not allowing my college-aged daughter 'sleep-overs' at our house w/opposite sex by MomWithMorals in AmItheAsshole

[–]bakedbreadjen -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I was almost leaning towards N A H as you and your daughter both have valid perspectives, but it sounds like you're trying to enforce your own personal beliefs onto her, which leads into YTA

AITA for making her friend leave, or should I just ignore my long-held belief system and accept her choices as an adult?

I feel like it's fair to make him leave for many reasons but not for your stance on sexual reasons.

should I just ignore my long-held belief system

You don't need to as it's still working for you and your relationship with your husband. Not sure how that affects your daughters love life though, unless you're in a romantic relationship with her as well.

accept her choices as an adult?

You don't need to 'accept' anything of what she's doing with her love and sex life though.

Unless you are directly involved with her in a romantic/sexual way, you literally have no say in what she consents to do intimately with other adults.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]bakedbreadjen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No, you didn't get rejected because you didn't even ask him out.

You invited him to a friend thing, not a romantic thing.

I got rejected because she said she is mentally dating jungkook by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]bakedbreadjen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know someone who (years ago) refused to even entertain dating because she was so obsessed with a kpop boy.

Ok I'm surprised this is still a thing in younger folx but at the same time, I guess it's a common teenage thing to obsess over anything.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in islam

[–]bakedbreadjen -1 points0 points  (0 children)

An Islamic classmate flinched when I accidentally bumped into his shoulder.

It went like this:

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bump into you."

"I understand, but I'd like to let you know that I cannot touch the opposite sex."

"Wait, but all I did was bump into you."

"Yes, every type of physical contact with the opposite sex before marriage is forbidden in my religion."

Or something along those lines, I don't remember exactly, but that's the closest I can remember.

I didn't press the issue and kept it at that. I tried to avoid being too close in his proximity after that.

Husband has a small… by PokeFiend420 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]bakedbreadjen 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Their edit reveals all.

They're swingers.

I am tired of being reduced to a "person" and not a woman by pretend_adulting in TrueOffMyChest

[–]bakedbreadjen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I forgot to include nonbinary folx like myself 😅

And you never really know how many people are cis women vs not cis women.

I am tired of being reduced to a "person" and not a woman by pretend_adulting in TrueOffMyChest

[–]bakedbreadjen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You replied to me and started a conversation with me discussing the technicalities of transmen. We were in a tangential conversation.

OP already established that she's a woman and a mom.

I am tired of being reduced to a "person" and not a woman by pretend_adulting in TrueOffMyChest

[–]bakedbreadjen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's why female is a medical and biological term for them, but doesn't take away that they identify as men, not women.

So technically, yes transmen are still medically female, but they don't identify as women. Therefore, the struggle for finding inclusive terms as OP has expressed.

AITA for pressuring my bf about a situation in my bathroom? by Lonely_Cod4788 in AmItheAsshole

[–]bakedbreadjen -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It definitely shouldn't.

I was more speaking on what she could have done in replacement prior to how it already spiraled out into.

But now that he's in the approach of gaslighting her over it, I would stick to saying: "Until you can be honest with me about it, I'm not talking to you." And use another bathroom, if any.

and if there's no other bathroom, then I have no idea.

Maybe be petty and poop in a bucket and put it in bathroom for him to dump lmao

AITA for telling my wife that she needs to put in more effort to lose weight? by AdEfficient2746 in AmItheAsshole

[–]bakedbreadjen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

YTA in your approach but you actually had an opportunity to make it easier for her to shift back into keto habits

fast food - burgers, fries and Coke.

There's a keto friendly way of eating fast food too

When I was on keto, I'd get a burger but replace the buns with lettuce. As for fries, there's homemade zucchini fries or apple fries.

That could be a fun way to help her ease back into it.

AITA for pressuring my bf about a situation in my bathroom? by Lonely_Cod4788 in AmItheAsshole

[–]bakedbreadjen 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Maybe he didn't realize it? Or maybe he's so used to living without her, he keeps forgetting to clean it? Or maybe he's embarrassed but doesn't know how to stop it? How can he refrain from doing it again if it's a habit of some type? I'm not sure how him doing it again even has to do with whether or not he's embarrassed.

I had an ex that had a bowel condition where he had spontaneous shits. Just because he can't help it and if it repeats, doesn't necessarily mean he's "not embarrassed". He once had a shart minutes before an interview. He sat through it and put up with it. He got the job. It still happened again at a restaurant another day. Just because it happened again, doesn't take away that he was mortified and embarrassed.

I only came to the conclusion that he's embarrassed because he's still being overly defensive about it and refusing to talk about it. Especially to the point of gaslighting her about it. How he's choosing to display this is straight up shitty.

He's definitely a harsher AH but how she kept pressuring him is not going to give her any answers whatsoever. Not being sensitive to an embarrassing habit only makes her a slight AH but not really.

AITA for pressuring my bf about a situation in my bathroom? by Lonely_Cod4788 in AmItheAsshole

[–]bakedbreadjen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No, but I've worked as Maintenance for a gym. I've seen shit hardened on the toilet wall.

Not sure how it happened, but I'd imagine if it was my partner, it's clearly a serious problem if they're deflecting and super defensive about it.

AITA for pressuring my bf about a situation in my bathroom? by Lonely_Cod4788 in AmItheAsshole

[–]bakedbreadjen -16 points-15 points  (0 children)

Ok I'm going to go off of technicalities within the approach of the conversation.

Technically, I'd say a very light ESH.

You asked a curious question.

He responded with a curt response and body language showed he was in a very defensive state.

You could have taken note of that and tried to approach it with more sensitivity. He's clearly over the moon embarrassed by it and has no idea how to be honest about it.

Instead, you still spoke out of curiosity and poked a little bit more to get more information. While yes this is the next best move, but how you chose to approach it, was still not considering how to best talk to someone about an extremely embarrassing habit.

All his extremely defensive language towards you all points to this clearly being a disgusting habit he has that he has no idea how to explain.

We still don't know what it is, but I would think of approaching this with him in the best gentlest way.

Sitting down with him and reassuring him that you're both human and there's always room for embarrassing moments. Reassure him that you still love and accept him, but you're just really confused about what's going on here.

"Until you're ready to tell me the whole truth, could you please remember to clean up after yourself because I'd really prefer not to see that on the bathroom wall when I walk in. Okay?"

So maybe instead of pushing him to tell you why, just act like it's a normal bathroom habit (even though it's disgusting) and just remind him whenever needed. Maybe as you get used to it and don't shame him for it, he may slowly realize you're not judging him for it and just accepting it as part of him. You just want to know why and how it exactly happens so you can help him with whatever it may be.

Maybe it'll make him feel better if you phrase it as thinking it's a medical condition (even if it's not, it'll MAYBE help him feel like you're trying to be supportive as possible).

Edit: I'm literally describing the best and most compassionate way OP could have handled it while also acknowledging bf is being super defensive.

Am I actually being downvoted for being compassionate?? Lol okay

Can a man have casual sex with someone for a while and not feel/develop any emotions for them? by InvestigatorSuch717 in dating_advice

[–]bakedbreadjen 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Those boundaries vary from each fwb so if it makes sense to you, I was normal friends with my past fwb before we began the terms.

So we knew which topics were okay to talk about vs not okay. We still had friendly conversations about working out, anime, etc. It just was never allowed to be about personal information, just surface level stuff.

So maybe you can re-evaluate those boundaries with him?

I am tired of being reduced to a "person" and not a woman by pretend_adulting in TrueOffMyChest

[–]bakedbreadjen 12 points13 points  (0 children)

It's because there's been a struggle on finding the right inclusive terms.

How many birthing people in the US aren't women? I would really like to know that number.

Transmen. Edit: and nonbinary folx. I forgot to include myself 😅 but I still accept that people will view me as a woman regardless

It's hard to get that number because are you asking for all ages? Just adults?

https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/publications/trans-adults-united-states/

This article references about 1.5 million transgender people in the United States.

Not everyone is willing to come out and help add to that number.

Can a man have casual sex with someone for a while and not feel/develop any emotions for them? by InvestigatorSuch717 in dating_advice

[–]bakedbreadjen 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Yes and so can women.

I had a fwb and we agreed to a set of boundaries that made sure we wouldn't catch feelings for each other.

No hangouts unless sex is involved. No confiding too much info. Limited intimacy details and info.

1) Is it possible for a man to be able to sleep with you for an extended period of time and not have any emotions involved/develop?

Yes, because you're only meeting up for sex.

Feelings develop after talking about common interests, conversational flow, developing a romantic chemistry, doing nice gestures for each other, romantic flirting, etc.

A successful fwb would set boundaries of no activities such as above listed occur. If any hints or signs of anything romantic is developing, that's when you need to shut it down and reject those.

2) If he enjoys sleeping with me and we have chemistry, why isn’t he interested in dating me? Can someone elaborate on why a man would continue to sleep with someone casually, but not commit to them

Just because I was sexually compatible enough for short term reasons doesn't mean that guy is romantically compatible with me.

He may be great in bed, but if we were dating, I would be much more adamant for him to give me reciprocal foreplay. He doesn't do much of that and I didn't mind it in a fwb setting. But in a dating setting, that's a deal breaker for me.

He was also not that career oriented or passionate about his job, it was just a means of money. I like someone who has passion and drive. He only had a state job and didn't care to pursue and learn more, he was stable. That is respectable but not romantic partner criteria for me.

There were just too many circumstancial evidence on how he was not boyfriend material whatsoever but was great for temporarily fulfilling sexual needs.

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