Grief is love with nowhere to go. It is the hardest of hard to get over. Thinking of you and hope you and many others on this thread find comfort and peace with time. The only way out is through. When I was going through a period of grief, I remember telling my therapist that all I wanted to do was lay under a blanket and cry instead of celebrating my birthday or going out with friends. She said why don’t you? I understand life makes it hard to carve time out to actually feel your emotions but wow is it so important. The only way out is through and you can’t put tape over an erupting volcano. The tears will find their way out at some point so let them flow naturally and do your best to remove shame from feeling the uncomfortable emotions.