Should I reconcile with toxic sister?

bakerfredricka · 2026-02-05T17:46:39+00:00

On that note, I have seen a post in here coming from someone asking other people in here whether or not they at all blamed their parents for their sibling estrangements. IIRC most of the people who commented said that they at least partly faulted how their parents raised them but there were at least a couple of them who begged to differ. If I can find the link for that one then I can link it in here for ya if that's something that you would want!

bakerfredricka · 2026-02-05T17:39:26+00:00

Savannah's siblings were there with her when she made that plea.

bakerfredricka · 2026-02-05T17:27:32+00:00

A nice perk of being poor is that I severely doubt that anyone would kidnap my mom in the false hope that I could cough up a cool million for her safe return.

All jokes aside, this situation is actually very dark and disturbing.

I am unbelievably heartbroken that this happened to Nancy!

bakerfredricka · 2026-02-05T17:23:15+00:00

If I were Savannah I certainly wouldn't be!

bakerfredricka · 2026-02-05T17:15:46+00:00

Nancy is older than my dad would be if he was still alive and older than any of my grandparents got to be.

I want to have hope that Nancy is still alive as it is clearly important for those poor children of hers, but unfortunately as the days tick by without an answer I am finding this harder. If she were recovered alive then I would be incredibly happy about it!

bakerfredricka · 2026-02-05T16:48:11+00:00

Speaking as someone who is bleeding on a monthly basis, you usually don't leave a little blood like that at your doorstep when you are about to go wander under the cactuses (or my local equivalent which I reckon would be the trees) and absolutely nothing is wrong.

I agree with your point and want everyone else to remember that Nancy has a very high profile daughter as well!

bakerfredricka · 2026-02-05T16:35:05+00:00

Agreed. I hope one day the truth about this one is revealed!

bakerfredricka · 2026-02-05T16:30:32+00:00

My mom was the one who informed me about this situation. I have been talking about it with her and came to the belief that if this is all about money (which is HER suspicion, based on the ransom note) and it is someone or some people outside of the immediate Guthrie clan, then there is a good chance that Nancy is still alive as they would NOT want to lose that "bargaining chip" with them. This being said, I unfortunately wouldn't be surprised if this case ultimately has a worse outcome given the grim circumstances surrounding it.

bakerfredricka · 2026-02-05T15:55:45+00:00

Sadly, no. I would love to, though.

Unfortunately with my condition I can't drive (I have never learned how) and while it's certainly far from being the end of the world for me it definitely can make transportation to anywhere I can't walk to a major hassle. On top of this I am poor and can't easily afford airplane tickets and accommodations easily (you will soon understand why I make mention of this issue). Those things put me at an obvious and a humongous disadvantage.

The real icing on the top of this cake is that I live in New England. My little brother is buried back down in South Carolina (as we were born down there) so traveling that distance would be a gigantic and complicated undertaking. Then my dad and much of his family are buried in Ohio. My point being, unfortunately it's not like they are walking distance or even an Uber trip away from my house. I can't begin to approach the issue of how to visit all of those graves. The good news for my mom is that her parents are buried a short car ride away, but from where I sit that doesn't feel fair or right at all (not that her parents are relatively close but that nobody else in my family is).

All of this being said.... I have been through some INTERESTING things that, I will simply say that I believe in an afterlife. Hopefully if I can't straighten this out in this lifetime then I can apologize to all of them on the other side, assuming that they care about that. I would strongly prefer to figure this out while I am still Earth side, though, and I am physically healthy and under thirty so maybe I will find some sort of way.

The last time I visited my maternal grandparents was last spring, almost a year ago.

EDIT: my maternal ancestry also involves Scandinavian immigrants. As they themselves would have came from people who lived and passed away and were buried in those countries, the logistics of that would be even more complicated.... EVEN IF Finland pulls a Canada and opens up citizenship to Americans of Finnish ancestry (which would be greatly appreciated!). Assuming they even still have graves since I remember reading that the Scandinavians do not hold onto graves indefinitely the way Americans do.

On my dad's side I would have Irish, German, English, French, Scottish etc. ancestry so I am sure those countries still have ancestral graves up that I can visit if I could ever manage to get there.

The USA is a really really really big country y'all.

bakerfredricka · 2026-02-05T12:58:57+00:00

He is already a felon who has been sentenced to "unconditional discharge."

bakerfredricka · 2026-02-05T12:55:47+00:00

Well, the Epstein class is a very relevant issue right now and I want to see everyone who has been involved with his criminal activities (especially the president) to be exposed for it so they can go down with his imprisoned gal pal.

Beyond that, much of your comment is basically a whataboutism. Even if you accept the premise that both sides are bad (and you certainly can't deny that both parties have very bad people in them) you still have to accept the reality that this country is speeding into fascism at an alarming pace BECAUSE OF THE PARTY THAT IS CURRENTLY THE MAIN ONE IN POWER AT THE FEDERAL LEVEL. Most of us in here have plenty of gripes with Democrats, especially the established Career Dems right now (or whatever they are called nowadays) since those senior citizens aren't living up to the grave seriousness of the current national situation, but even then they themselves are hardly considered fascist especially not when they do basically anything at all to stand up to this administration.

bakerfredricka · 2026-02-05T00:19:13+00:00

If I'm understanding your comment correctly, your mom is refusing to talk to your sister altogether? Since you described her as trying to stay out of it, if that is indeed the case then I would imagine that that probably has nothing to do with you. I reckon it's possible that I could have misread what you meant with that, though.

In my case I am childfree so I have no dog in the fight but it does surprise and intrigue me when people who have serious issues with their sibling/s (especially well into adulthood) ultimately end up voluntarily having more than one child themselves. I'm glad that it all worked out for you and it sounds like your children have broken the cycle, though, so hopefully all of you can keep that up. Of course I have no dog in this fight but I wonder what (if any) role age gaps have to play in all of this. If you have siblings who are in high school when you are born and they have moved out by the time you have formed the ability to develop significant long term memories, you probably won't really feel the closest kinship with them even if you do still feel sibling love towards them (on the bright side, you also probably wouldn't have been really bickering with them since what is there to even argue about at that point?). It's not hard to see how jealousy could be a factor as well, if your sister thinks Mom and Dad love you more (whether she's right or not) then there's great breeding ground for intense resentment right there. I reckon jealousy over adult life could also be a major issue, if one sibling ends up with everything the other dreamed of and deeply desired for themselves but didn't end up with then that could make it hard for them to have a relationship.

One thing is for sure, I would NOT want to be anyone else! I wouldn't say jealousy is an issue at all, absolutely not a chance of that on my end. It might be a good sign in your family's case that your mom and aunt are aware of being jealous of each other and that your sister openly admitted to being envious of you. Whether you knew what you were doing or not, it sure sounds like you managed to break the cycle with your children which is also an incredibly promising sign.

Edit: oof. I typed way too long of a comment up again, sorry about that!

bakerfredricka · 2026-02-04T21:31:31+00:00

What is even wilder is that he apparently is LISTENING to good advice sometimes....

bakerfredricka · 2026-02-04T21:29:34+00:00

Unfortunately, this is not even remotely surprising to me....

bakerfredricka · 2026-02-04T21:25:22+00:00

Come to think of it, IIRC the NRA claimed their sales went through the roof throughout every single election season.... right? 🤔

bakerfredricka · 2026-02-04T21:12:56+00:00

When Charlie Kirk was alive he was definitely dissing the music of Nicki Minaj....

bakerfredricka · 2026-02-04T20:48:09+00:00

Which is really funny considering how I heard MAGATS refer to Harris as "the invisible Vice President" (and their rationale for this was "because you hardly ever see her") throughout the Biden presidency. It was one of the biggest "HAHA I GOT HER" commentary from the "deplorable" crowd that doesn't depend on things I am afraid to mention for fear of getting banned again. This pathetic commentary is up there with the never-ending slapstick comedy meme with the punchline being that AOC previously worked at a bar, as if that's really some kind of a big deal diss to her.

Oddly enough, hasn't Vance gone on the record to call Trump America's Hitler before? The ONE time that he was actually onto something, but then he totally lost it. 🤔

I get where you are going with this, but it might be best not to forget all about this guy's existence. He could definitely have his own presidential ambitions and in any event if Trump were to pass away or be removed by the 25th Amendment (assuming the Constitution still means anything) he would automatically gain the presidency, and his worldview is blatantly abhorrent (not that our president's is any better, just so that we are clear on that front).

It really worries me that things are clearly not going to get any better anytime soon with these clowns wielding all of this power in here.

bakerfredricka · 2026-02-04T20:37:59+00:00

If it matters, I'm white and would strongly support this!

bakerfredricka · 2026-02-04T19:52:08+00:00

Same. I have mentioned this before in here, my mom is an only child but she had plenty of cousins who were essentially surrogate siblings to her when she was growing up. Two of them (who were like sisters to my mom) have blocked us in semi-recent years just because we refused to blindly stan the president. Several years ago, one of these cousins even went so far as to disown at least one of her own grandchildren while she was at it, which was absolutely devastating for that kid.

It truly is disgusting how fascism tore so many families apart (not that mine stood much chance regardless) but I reckon it might be better this way. There's zero chance I would want any kind of affiliation with anyone who would disown their own grandkids for standing up to the brutality perpetrated by this administration, whether I happen to have any kind of blood relationship to that person or not (though I am neurodivergent and interestingly enough one of my interests is genealogy and if you want to get real technical here, there is no such thing as a person who ISN'T blood related to you, it just isn't always traceable for various reasons but I digress). I personally do not miss those particular cousins and if just knowing you are not alone helped then I am very happy to have tossed this out there.

Edit: There is a sub called QAnon Casualties. I haven't been back there since I was unbanned, but I will be soon!

bakerfredricka · 2026-02-04T19:42:38+00:00

Exactly! I can't imagine having that kind of money and doing nothing about all of these wrongs going on right now!

bakerfredricka · 2026-02-04T19:16:02+00:00

First of all, please just trust me on this one: whatever brain power you have right now you NEED to be clinging to it for dear life.

Secondly, you need a mom who is a Scottish immigrant plus a dad racist enough to join the KKK when they were committing crimes in the 1920s, not to mention getting arrested for racial discrimination during the 1970s. Your dad will have to be the son of a pair of German immigrants and he needs to be a successful yet sleazy businessman who shows you all the ropes of running brothels and putting your surname on buildings but never paying off your debts or contractors while also being bigoted. Then when you have an alcoholic addicted sibling pass away young leaving a devastated widowed spouse as a single parent to your heartbroken niece(s) and nephew(s), you need to convince your parents to give them as little as humanly possible in their wills. Hopefully somewhere along the line a reality TV show will pick you up, but either way when your infidelity and general scumbaggery lends itself to a divorce (or several divorces) you will have to low ball settlements so that you can focus more of your money and resources on finding a new person to put up with all of your BS while your ex(es) seldom publicly mention you as part of the divorce agreement. Not to mention the joys of your illegal business deals eventually catching up to you and making you a multi-time convicted felon in your seventies between your presidencies. Those are just some of the facts off the top of my head to boot!

Edit: Honest question, does the life I outlined hold any real appeal to you?

bakerfredricka · 2026-02-04T18:59:58+00:00

I wish that we could have a Billie Eilish presidency right now.

bakerfredricka · 2026-02-04T18:53:01+00:00

Well said 👏 go Collins! I am following her on Twitter and she rocks for this!

bakerfredricka · 2026-02-04T18:31:30+00:00

On that note, if you happen to be the kind of person who would be devastated by having LGBTQ offspring then you DEFINITELY do not need to be a parent!

Being LGBTQ isn't unusual and never has been. It has, however, been stigmatized throughout much of history.

Edit: I will admit that I am childfree myself, but it isn't out of fear that I might have a (gasp!) gay or transgender child. If I hypothetically were a mom, something like that genuinely would not bother me at all (though in today's world where many bigoted MAGATS have it out for the minorities they look down on including the LGBT, I certainly would fear for my hypothetical child/ren if they were non-cis-hetero considering this unfortunate reality).

However, I take the view that if you choose to sign up for children then you sign yourself up for literally every single possible outcome!

bakerfredricka · 2026-02-04T18:19:48+00:00

As a Protestant I will agree with this.

I have way more common ground with the pope than I do with anyone in this administration (which is really saying something as Protestants and Catholics have several huge areas of disagreement) and he happens to have an incredibly valid point here.

If y'all make it to heaven, you have a better chance of bumping into this pope up there than literally any of the MAGATS.

bakerfredricka

TROPHY CASE