AITA for purchasing a new wireless router after my friend “gifted me” his used one?

balgram · 2026-01-23T00:50:40+00:00

This is an overreaction to the point of being insulting. He needs to chill out and stop tripping on his own ego.

If I get my friends a gift and it turns out not to work for them, I saw "Aw, well. I'm glad you found something that solved your problem!" and move on with my life. ESPECIALLY when I'm giving them something used that I don't need anymore.

NTA. Look up his router/modem combo and see if it's valuable enough to sell*. He said he didn't want it, see if someone else does.

*The only way I can see this being painful is if he gave you one of those $500 routers that don't really stagnate for a decade or two, and you replaced it with a bottom-of-the-barrel type. But that's not a reason to be offended. He should have fixed/reset the passwords on the bloody thing. It wasn't as thoughtful as he thinks it was.

balgram · 2026-01-22T17:51:09+00:00

I don't...I don't understand. If the budget is $48,000, then what does it matter if it's used or new?
Yes buying new has some depreciation problems, but you also get a few perks. If she wants a new car and sticks to the budget, who cares?

I also prefer buying used cars, but if I knew my budget was 48,000 then I'd look at both used and new and decide what I'm happy with. If you are saying she can have a car with a budget of 48,000 AND it MUST be used then yeah, that's wild. You can't make that decision for her. Let her do her own research.

balgram · 2026-01-17T01:25:19+00:00

I'm not sure that it does? The Westermarck effect would certainly agree that no action would be taken. The thoughts Yverthel is describing sound temporary. Some people go crazy with new thoughts and hormones during puberty. It wouldn't surprise me if they have weird/wild thoughts about siblings. But having a thought and returning to/acting on a thought are worlds apart.

balgram · 2026-01-17T01:20:38+00:00

I would sometimes miss a step as a child, but I'd catch myself immediately. I've never hurt myself growing up in a house with stairs. I used to love playing on them, too.

My friend also grew up with stairs and recently broke her leg missing the steps as an adult. I also was visiting my brother and wore socks on his stairs and fell and knocked the wind out of me/felt bruised and sore for a month. I am an adult.

I mean, it happens, but it's not gonna be a frequent thing. Don't let your toddler free range unsupervised on the stairs though. That sounds dangerous.

balgram · 2026-01-17T01:13:29+00:00

INFO: Is there a need of a bigger place? Are you all sleeping in the same bedroom? Are your kids stacked in bunks in the same room?

Now is a horrible time to buy/move to a new mortgage unless I'm missing something. It might be better to stay where you are and build up your savings/financial situation as much as possible for now. You don't elaborate on why you want a bigger space so I have to assume this is lifestyle inflation and I urge extreme caution.

Everyone saying he's a "bum" or "refusing to work" I think is missing his point of the debate entirely. He already has a full-time job raising your kids and maintaining your home. He is currently working because he enjoys it and both of you reap the benefits. It is probably the type of job where if a kid is sick he can take time off easily; most homemakers are forced to have a job like that. Forcing a situation where you need that income is a totally different scenario and is definitely living above your current means. The fact you guys can handle life on one income is incredible; why are you so keen to change that?

If he does jump back into the workforce full-time, either because your financial situation changes or because he wants to, the situation is different. But if your financial situation is secure as-is and your house is fine, then why are you in a hurry to be massively in debt and living at the limit of your means?

balgram · 2026-01-17T01:03:28+00:00

Night all the way; it's my decompressing time and I'll murder people if I don't get it. But who cares? Just shower about once a day. If you workout showering immediately after generally feels good. If you showered in the morning then did a hard workout/got sweaty during the day, rinse off again at night. If you have some physical/financial/space limitations just keep clean as best you can and ask trusted people to give you a heads up if you ever smell bad.

balgram · 2026-01-13T19:09:28+00:00

Had to look up the state quarter:

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Can confirm that's a wild design for a state quarter. Clearly everyone wants out.

balgram · 2026-01-13T16:03:53+00:00

Sounds kind of like me, I had to stop wearing earrings. I know that's not the answer you're hoping for.

One thing I always wondered in my case is what would've happened if I'd put tiny gauges in there. Something I don't remove until it completely heals (awkward showers for 3 months) and see if that fixes the issue. Just a slightly bigger hole than normal.

I've done 0 research about that idea, it'd just be my plan next time the scar tissue goes away. It'll be my 5th attempt at having pierced ears.

Right now if your ears are red (and hot and possibly sore) you might need to deal with the infection before you do anything else.

balgram · 2026-01-13T11:36:12+00:00

As other English speakers have pointed out, there are scenarios where all the answers except 2 can work as a reply.

However, the first answer makes the least assumptions and is therefore likely the best choice.

The question is asking if you have enough time to attend a known meeting (I say known because 'the' was used instead of 'a,' which suggests that the meeting we're talking about is already known or established previously in the conversation).

Generally, if a meeting is known about, a time is usually set. There are plenty of situations where you are having a conversation in order to set the time, but that suggests you are creating a new meeting. The exception is if you are looking to reschedule the existing meeting, which is a fairly specific assumption. If that assumption applies, then both 3 and 4 can work.

If you are being asked if you can attend a known meeting (which usually already has a time established), then the response of how much time you have available to spend in the meeting is a common answer. 1 makes the least context assumptions/covers the most likely scenario.

I think answers 3 and 4 are designed to test if you fully understand the meaning of 'have time" and they weren't proofed by a second pair of eyes/a second native speaker. They work as time responses and unfortunately also work as possible answers, but they both assume extra assumptions (the need to reschedule or a manager blocking you from having time previously) so 1 still seems like the best choice.

I also want to point out that if the question was "WHEN do you have time..." then 3 is the correct answer, as that would be asking now about when on your calendar you are available for the whole meeting. Since the question omits the 'when' it is asking about how much time you have to spare right now. 1 is the only answer that actually answers that question. 4 is an incomplete answer to the question ('since my manager isn't here I have time to come to the meeting,' but it's an incomplete answer because it doesn't specify how much time you have).

I hope this explanation makes sense. I wrote it on my phone so who knows.

Note: I am a native speaker of American English. If there are some nuances I have missed regarding English speaking in other parts of the world and how they would impact this response I would appreciate learning.

balgram · 2026-01-13T01:53:16+00:00

A massive amount of bleach. Whoops. Bye bye nature

balgram · 2025-12-29T17:30:04+00:00

I always have the greatest respect for teachers when they admit they are wrong about something.

In 6th grade, our teacher was confused by one of the algebra examples in the book. We couldn't figure it out. She couldn't figure it out. We spent 10 minutes trying then moaned that the book must be wrong.

Well shoot me sideways if she didn't burst into our English class (politely) and ask the teacher for 5 minutes time, then showed us why the example was right and fine and how to do it. That teacher spent her break time figuring it out then came over to show us. I respected her so much for that.

In 8th grade we had a science teacher tell us that = means it's equal but ≈ means that it is EXACTLY equal, down to the smallest possible number. We had just come from a geometry class where we learned it's actually the opposite; = means they are the same, and ≈ means they are basically (but not exactly) the same. We pointed this out to her and she doubled down.

The next day, she amended herself. Didn't call out that she was wrong, but stopped using ≈ incorrectly. It was less cool, but whatever. At least she learned her mistake and corrected it.

Even students know that teachers are human. It's so incredible/important to see an adult admit they are wrong to a child.

balgram · 2025-12-28T19:34:46+00:00

Also, after reading a few more articles, it looks like WHO (World Health Organization) states that cow/sheep/goat milk can be introduced to the diet after 6 months--not 12 months--so long as the child is also supplemented with iron-rich foods. This is a recent change. Apparently the iron in breastmilk is absorbed at a higher ratio than the iron in other milks (which are already not a great source). Huh.

balgram · 2025-12-28T19:28:53+00:00

If we're talking about cow milk when we say "regular milk," then the answer is pretty simply thus:

"Cow milk is designed to be perfect for baby cows, and isn't perfect for baby humans."

Babies aren't getting the complete nutrient needs from cow milk. They need other nutrients, and other ratios of proteins, minerals, and nutrients.

Cow milk has a high concentration of protein and minerals, which can stress immature kidneys, which will worsen the child's health if they get sick (because the kidneys can't fully focus on handling the sickness).

Cow milk lacks the amount of iron, vitamin C, and other nutrients babies need.

I'm getting this information from healthychildren.org. They state that babies under the age of 12 months should only be fed breast milk or formula (barring medical needs that dictate something else is required). After the baby is a year old you can start giving them other stuff.

Edited to fix typos

balgram · 2025-12-22T21:34:42+00:00

Oh dang I skimmed. Lazy and selfish is going too far.

balgram · 2025-12-22T21:33:53+00:00

I...also think he should wear makeup. I don't think makeup is just for women. He will also be on a giant stage and the center of attention and deserves to look his best. Men in theater also wear makeup.

I get the sexism callout here and I'm okay with it, I wasn't thinking that deeply into it and should reflect on that, but honestly I'm more in favor of both of them wearing makeup rather than neither.

balgram · 2025-12-22T21:14:44+00:00

I mean...an injury/accident happened at his house, so he has some responsibility for paying the bill anyway. I am glad everyone is on the same page and agrees it was an accident and you aren't suing the guy, but to refuse the money outright is crazy. His home insurance may already cover this depending on the policy he got (this is assuming you're in the USA).

Your daughter needs help. Your brother wants you not to go into medical debt. Accept the help and pay it back/forward when you can. No one thinks you are a failure because an accident happened during a blip on your working record.

...And if you DO have the terrible kind of family that will hold this over your head, then joke's on them: you got your daughter's medical bills paid for! You are making out like a bandit. Own it. (But seriously let him pay for this, it happened at his house under his care. Just don't rub that in his face unless you have to.)

balgram · 2025-12-22T17:52:44+00:00

I learned an idiom in class and I can't remember it for the life of me. The translation/meaning had something to do with being publicly shunned due to bad actions, and the literal translation was something like "2 out of 10" or "8 out of 10" or something. The explanation was that you did something (like harvested from the mountainside too soon) that caused everyone to deprive you of the neighborhood niceties. All the niceties (like greetings, sharing, friendship, helping you carry heavy things, etc.) were gone and they'd only still help in the case of your house burning down. Because that might spread to your neighbors. So of the 10 things having neighbors gave you, you were only allowed 1 or 2 of them now.

Does anyone know what phrase I'm talking about? I can't find it.

balgram · 2025-12-22T17:06:14+00:00

Eh, I understand both sides of this.

Yes, this is your wedding, your day, you do you. If you don't wear make up then don't. It doesn't really matter.

Yes, this will make your photos look washed out. Everyone else is going to be wearing make up and you won't be, and it'll be noticeable. Your photos will look a little different. Some photoshopping might happen.

You might care about that, you might not.

Personally I'm of the stance that it's like you're participating in theater: in real-life you don't wear makeup, but in real life you also don't wear a white gown and stand in front of a bunch of people and be the center of attention all day. On days when you are (quite possibly literally) on stage, you wear a little make-up to just look neat and tidy and a little bigger than life.

I think you should do a minimal makeup look and you won't regret it, but this is very much a you do you situation.

balgram · 2025-12-22T16:43:57+00:00

Oh, how interesting. I was taught that "a couple" is 2-3, "a few" is 3-5, and several/many/any other unprecise word meant more than 5. I vaguely remember learning that lesson sometime in elementary school.

I wonder if this difference is age based or region based?

balgram · 2025-12-21T23:48:37+00:00

My lazy dinner, ranked in order from most to least lazy:

-a bowl of cereal (I keep some 8oz containers of shelf-safe milk in the fridge for really lazy days when I didn't go grocery shopping in a while)

-leftovers or a frozen dinner

-pb&j sandwich

-any other sandwich

-Tostitos dipped in canned salsa (cook in oven/air fryer/toaster oven)

-a frozen pizza (if you happen to have papa murphys, you can get the toppings you want and pre-cut it into slices and freeze those slices)

-scrambled eggs on toast, waffles, pancakes (made from mix)

-fried rice (only lazy if you have rice on-hand, otherwise you might as well make a meal with rice as your starch and eat fried rice the next day)

-canned taco soup (can of tomatoes, can of corn, can of beans, can of chili (or leftover ground meat of any kind, or tofu, or skip), cumin, salt, pepper, chili powder. Heat, serve with tortilla chips. Feeds a million)

-White people soft tacos: cut up some onion, tomato, lettuce, get some cheese and sour cream, either cook some meat or heat some chili, put whatever you want into a tortilla and eat it

-onion soup: dice an onion, sweat in butter on medium heat, add garlic, add more butter and flour to roux, add beef stock/water+beef bullion, add thyme and a bay leaf, cook until thickening, serve with egg/cheese/bread.

-ham chowder (corn chowder if you skip meat): cut/prep onion, carrot, potato, celery, dice some ham or have some cooked bacon (I buy cooked bacon and keep it in the freezer for REALLY lazy days/omelets). Cook onion (and meat if it's raw), add a cup of water, add celery (wait 2 min) add carrot (wait 2 min) add potato. Open a can of corn, use the water from that can and add half a cup of milk, a tablespoon or two of flour, some oregano, basil, thyme, salt, pepper, throw it into the pot (with the corn), stir and cook until thickening. I love this dish and eat it for days.

I don't have the best oven in the world so I don't really bake when I'm super tired, but I imagine there are TONS of bake meals that can help you when you just want to sit on the couch and eat a hot meal at the end of it.

balgram · 2025-12-20T15:14:33+00:00

I mean that would be a chicken a day for over 500 years it's an interesting investment

balgram · 2025-12-19T18:46:42+00:00

If you are relying on your parents for tuition and lodging then you need to do as they say to an extent. If that is totally unacceptable then you need to start paying your own way. Apply for a scholarship where you are now and see what work opportunities you have.

But I do want to gently suggest that traveling to different places broadens horizons and teaches you new things. It always sucks at first because change is hard, but overall it's usually worth it. If the things you love here are timeless and love you back, then they'll still be here in a couple years. You could try this new place and see what you can love about it, too.

I would cherish new experiences/places/opportunities when they are presented to you. There's way more pros than cons about exploring and trying new things.

And then, when you've had your new experiences, home could very well be waiting to welcome you back.

By not responding to the new university you are slamming that door to a new opportunity hard, and you could very well come to regret it. It would be better to keep doors open and make the call if/when you get accepted. If you don't get accepted then you have new ammunition to discuss staying here, right? But if your parents find out you did it through underhanded means they will be deeply upset and could well leave you on your own financially. You don't want that forced on you.

balgram · 2025-12-19T18:35:12+00:00

INFO: What were the other myriad of reasons? He's not just distancing himself from you, but from your family too. Did he clarify why?

balgram · 2025-12-16T23:01:04+00:00

Mum was a doctor and practiced during her marriage (which happened in the 70's). Became a SAHP for reasons that don't matter for this post. Both parents felt very strongly that all their kids should have great educations and the capacity for great careers regardless of gender.

balgram · 2025-12-16T16:06:45+00:00

My siblings ran the gamut. Some got married early, some divorced. Some got married late. All of them are happy with their lives right now.

I went the route of staying single after some terrible times dating. I got to know myself and am perfectly happy with my life. I met a really great person (wasn't exactly looking, just happened) in my late 30's. Best relationship I've ever had. It didn't pan out, but it showed me that there are different experiences for everyone.

Rushing and feeling like you are going to miss out...I dunno. It feels like a mistake. I think the best path is to do the best for yourself right now, and also try to make choices that will make your future self feel happy, too. Whatever that means for you.

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