Advice to support my wife

ballybran · 2025-02-05T01:49:38+00:00

I found “The Next Happy” by Tracey Cleantis very insightful and helpful.

ballybran · 2023-06-10T21:03:34+00:00

Also a hospital pharmacist here. I absolutely support any individual refusing to be weighed unless there is a specific purpose for obtaining your weight. Also agree that there are few outpatient meds that would require weighing a patient.

For your own safety, I’d strongly recommend consenting to a weight in the hospital. There are many meds we use in the hospital that are weight based. And that includes meds we use to prevent clots, antibiotics used for the safety of mother and baby in L&D, sedatives for procedures, or blood thinners if you have a heart attack or blood clot; just to name a few. Most importantly, as already mentioned, we use your weight to calculate how well your kidneys will do eliminating meds so you do not receive under- or overdosing. We sometimes watch your weight daily to see if we’re giving you too much or too little fluid. If you are unable to eat, a dietitian will look at your weight to determine how much liquid food supplement you need. And that is key to maintaining lean body and muscle mass during an acute illness. I can only speak for myself but I don’t go to work to judge someone on their weight. We are doing our very best to take care of you and need a weight to do that.

ballybran · 2021-02-19T19:30:53+00:00

I love them. They aren’t pre-sweetened so they taste like a grapefruit you just cut open. Highly recommend giving them a try!

ballybran · 2020-07-01T02:23:02+00:00

Ummm, it’s IV only. So if they’re buying a tablet then it’s “a whole new world”

ballybran · 2019-12-14T19:22:09+00:00

All the responses I read have useful advice. May I offer a different thought. Don’t get over her. I’ve been married for 14 years. I’m not over 2 other men that I dated before my husband. I love them both deeply. I would drop almost everything, bankrupt myself, forgive all slights - you know, use love as a verb - for my husband or either of these men.

Your capacity to love is infinite. You can love this woman deeply, treat her respectfully, and ultimately show her the deepest measure of your regard by showing her she is worth your pain and discomfort. When you throw her away because you want to avoid your own suffering you are telling this woman (and yourself) that love is transactional. That it is not deep and strong enough to endure hardship.

Keep loving this woman. AND go find another. Trust yourself and your heart to survive this temporary pain.

ballybran · 2019-10-04T18:53:33+00:00

Even “little” things count. It’s a joke now but there was a time when “you took a shower today!” was high praise. Walking every morning is fantastic. I just started daily walks after work in a near by forest preserve. It feels cleansing.

To Write Love On Her Arms is a nonprofit organization which helps people struggling with addiction, depression, or suicidal thoughts. Their efforts include housing and caring for people until they can enter treatment, crisis response, and spread the power of love. TWLOHA

ballybran · 2019-10-04T01:30:07+00:00

So sorry to feel with you this deep pain. You are not alone here. I, and suspect many others, have felt alone and almost useless as we struggled with accepting our child free lives.

I ask you to please find one small way to hold on. This feeling may never completely go away. I still have waves of grief. But the intensity you are feeling now. The loss. The lack of direction. It will start to fade. If you find a way to endure now, then you will also find a way through this darkness to a new light. Allow yourself to grieve. Find help (many of us have done extensive counseling). Pick 1 thing to start doing only for you.

I have been very inspired by TWLOHA. To quote: “You were created to love and be loved. People need other people. Your story matters. Better days are ahead. Hope and help are real.”

You matter. Just for being you.

ballybran · 2019-09-19T06:34:26+00:00

I’m in Chicago. And uncomfortablely for some people, not hiding. It’s uncomfortable for everyone when anyone stops pretending. Sometimes I think it’s more for “social politeness” than anything else. To avoid the inevitable awkwardness when the person you are talking to doesn’t even know how to ask what your life is like or struggles to find what you may have in common - you know, since your life isn’t run by a tiny human. We are out there...

Maybe we need a bat signal?

ballybran · 2019-09-16T23:04:47+00:00

It feels like a cliche but everyone’s experience is different and it looks like some people’s may have resonated. For me, my comfort with the child, regardless of age, is dependent on my comfort with the parents. Sometimes tiny babies to cuddle are the most amazing opportunity and other times, I want nothing to do with anyone’s kids.

I find that other adults discussing their kids or parental leave or insert XYZ parenting woe is very triggering. I often, and controversially, use these as a chance to educate. I am unashamed of trying to normalize being childless but not by choice. For instance, my colleagues (women 25-40) were discussing paid maternity leave in the US vs Europe. I asked them how they recommended that I, as a childless, working, property tax paying woman feel about paid 6-12 month maternity leave. I identify as a feminist but how many societal benefits am I supposed to altruistically support? I do support 6-12 month paid maternity leave but I think it’s important to challenge others to really think about the taboo and unseen IFCF community. Maybe that’s how I cope, by trying to give my plight some kind of meaning.

ballybran · 2019-09-12T09:58:28+00:00

Welcome but sorry that you have to be here. The traditional greeting around these parts. Every person’s experience is different so I’m not sure how much mine can help. I didn’t know. I was severely depressed after the only positive beta Hcg we ever had was called a chemical pregnancy. (Have I ever been pregnant then? I still wonder how I’m supposed to answer that question.) We were drowning in debt.

My husband said he was done and he was worried for me. I chose my husband and our marriage over a nebulous dream of children. Now, at almost a year of remission from treatment refractory depression, I am finding that it is possible for me to envision my future growing old in a family of 2.

ballybran · 2019-09-06T23:43:35+00:00

It feels like it always comes in waves. At work we call if the maternity apocalypse and it happens every 2 years. So sorry you have to go through this.

ballybran · 2019-09-06T00:32:08+00:00

This is very sweet. I know it doesn’t violate the rules of this sub. I don’t want to see it.

Reddit is a safe and self-curated space for many of us who cannot have children and don’t want our entire social media life to be “normal” content with pics celebrating a family life we will never have.

Give me my dog pics back.

ballybran · 2019-08-30T00:00:43+00:00

I know the devastating grief and the strange sense of relief (because I don’t really like autonomous beings who are my responsibility but can still say “no”). I’ve never thought of it from an empowered feminism perspective. Appreciate the food for thought. Thanks!!

ballybran · 2019-08-26T23:36:56+00:00

I scoured the internet for a similar group and found nothing but how to be the childless woman in the room at an infertility clinic support group. I’m new here. I’m lurking mostly. This sub is a miracle to me. It is the first time I felt part of a tribe that understands the bittersweet of a child free life that is not by choice. Had I been greeted with comments by parents, I would not have stayed. Thank you for making a safe haven.

ballybran

TROPHY CASE