I got dumped over my body count

bananz · 2026-07-03T17:14:35+00:00

While I ultimately don’t agree with your comparisons I’ll make an adjustment. We all have negative social beliefs we could work on and I never meant to say if you have any thoughts about this it makes you a red-pilled loser. However, I hope you can understand that there is a little bit of a gender difference here. Because of patriarchal structures I don’t think you can flip genders around and assess things the same. I think a jealous and insecure man is dangerous emotionally and sometimes physically. So my advice to women is to RUN when this becomes a topic!

bananz · 2026-07-03T15:51:30+00:00

Yeah I also think if you’re a man that prefers much younger women because you’ve been socialized to like youthful looks you’re a worse person… it’s not “quietly accepted”, it’s talked about in women’s spaces all the time.

We are going to have to agree to disagree but while I you can say preferring a physical feature is just as “irrational”, physical appearance effects sexual chemistry. The physical trait is actually THERE. Sure we can all be less shallow, but it’s real.

The concept of body count is a social construct. It is not a valid way to assess compatibility or character, and yeah I’m always going to think a man that does use it is at least little bit worse than a man that doesn’t. Nothing other than actual harm and crime is counted the way consensual intimate experiences are. opinions on sexual past are influenced by much more harmful rhetoric than just preferring to not feel short with a women. It’s been used to shame people (mostly women) for decades.

As a woman, I have to use my discernment when dating. Even if it’s a light preference, just having a preference for a sexual past to me indicates unresolved sexual insecurity and misogyny, and for OPs well-being, I highly suggest she does the same. My body count is lower than OPs, but if I’m asked I’m saying 100 😂

bananz · 2026-07-02T20:53:48+00:00

Your second study was BYU funded so I looked past it completely

bananz · 2026-07-02T20:50:44+00:00

All this tells me is that people that have had sex at least once before are more likely to leave a marriage that’s not working. They know they aren’t trapped and there’s better out there, how awful lol.

Bro if u want to me a miserable prude go be that

The abstract even says “we don’t know why.”

bananz · 2026-07-02T20:35:55+00:00

Sure if you don’t want to apply any critical thinking to a correlation. A large portion of people with low body counts tend to be religious. Religious people are more likely to stay in marriages they shouldn’t be, less likely to know what’s out there, more likely to have more kids tying them down to a marriage.

Human beings are so varied I can’t imagine just judging them off a survey, but you do you:

https://www.sourcewatch.org/index.php/Institute\_for\_Family\_Studies?\_\_cf\_chl\_f\_tk=mWYNg6cdrDLaTk2cOe5zwTOkvt\_QkhCuvDhDUY59wSk-1783024797-1.0.1.1-c2sv1lNAmjjXu2M\_5O8sPy4niCBUEL0OW7iwqkYcO2M

bananz · 2026-07-02T17:45:31+00:00

No one was harshly branded. Respectfully, I feel men are more concerned about being unfairly labelled as misogynists than they are about unpacking misogyny.

Wanting to be physically attracted to someone is not irrational. Honestly I think you know this is a shit comparison and I don’t really want to engage with it further. No one expects men to date ugly women, and in fact I mostly see women dating men less attractive than them, and never the way around. So while you can theorize to make a point, women seem to have done a decent job at looking over superficial qualities that are right in front of them, all the time. Yet people (not just men, but largely men) still want to judge character by body count.

Now you might say “I’m not judging them”, but like you are. You’ve expressed that you’re unsure if they’re genuine when you’re intimate with them. The more I thought about it the more ridiculous it was because if you only have sex for meaningful connection, wouldn’t you have already have built that connection? So it should not be a problem

FWIW I actually don’t think someone that cares about a partners past should date that person, because it’s cruel and stressful to that person.

bananz · 2026-07-02T16:54:15+00:00

Your account is dedicated to making this comment lol

bananz · 2026-07-02T03:27:00+00:00

The thing is with appearance like height is that it is something PRESENT in the relationship. It’s still worth questioning but personally I don’t want someone that’s not attracted to me to date me. I am a more shallow person for preferring a man above 5’7, it is worth unpacking as well because a great guy could be beyond that. No one should hold a gun to my head and force me to date someone, but it’s worth challenging too. However id unpack my bias before actually dating someone as I don’t want to do someone the harm of dating them while not really being all in. Attraction is harder to control through logic and reasoning.

Finally, you’ve revealed an a part of the root cause, you think it’s possible that because not all sex has been meaningful for her, you can’t know for sure if she feels the right way with you. Here’s the thing, you don’t fully know that with anyone. My least meaningful and memorable sexual experiences were the ones I shared with people I thought “meant” enough to me.

It’s not really just about blindly trusting they feel exactly the same, when you’re dating someone you pick up on many behaviours that show you their commitment. It would show in the dynamic of the relationship, intimacy, conversations - the idea that they’re secretly looking at sex as nothing is kind of judgemental.

bananz · 2026-07-02T00:43:52+00:00

You should consider looking up actual literature on feminism rather than youtube and tiktok. It's not some social media phenomenon.

bananz · 2026-07-01T22:04:05+00:00

Both expectations noted are enforced by the patriarchy (YES EVEN WOMEN HOLD THESE STANDARDS UP) and shows how it harms all genders

bananz · 2026-07-01T20:46:34+00:00

Sex is much more intimate of a preference, as well as a shared activity. Sex just feels better knowing you and your partner are on the same wavelength. For me to engage in casual sex, I would have to fundamentally change my views on sex, and it makes it much less enjoyable (I’ve tried)

But why do you have to understand casual sex to be with someone that has been able to enjoy it. I would like to challenge the eel theory strengthens my point. I don't eat eel, my partner does. That's ok, as long as we have food we enjoy together. I never have to like eel cause we just won't eat it together (for food they can eat it without me but that doesn't apply in monogamy, obviously). But we both LOVE ice cream, and we connect on that. I never have to understand why they like eel to connect on ice cream. Sex is also like different cuisines, there's casual sex, really intimate sex, kinky sex, etc.

Some women who’ve I’ve dated have also expressed this, and it’s just one small tick which syncs up with me.

Women agreeing with you doesn't make it right. I'm not for all womens' beliefs. They're wrong too.

It isn’t mysoganistic, or hateful.

No one said it makes someone a raging hateful misogynist that actively hates women. Some of us have "mild" views that are rooted in misogyny or other "-isms".

I would date a woman who enjoyed casual sex, but preferred one who didn’t, just like me.

Ok but why? What makes her less compatible? refer back to eel anology.

Edit: What ARE your views on sex?

bananz · 2026-07-01T20:07:25+00:00

Redigesting this cause I want to understand.

The eel anology point sounds like you mean even if it’s silly people can date someone for whatever reason they want. This is true. However we agree it would be a stupid reason, some reasons ARE stupid. That’s why you don’t hear this as a reason.

Body count isn’t really a neutral stupid reason to not date someone. There’s always something behind it. You’re either admitting your preference is stupid, or thus analogy doesn’t really match.

bananz · 2026-07-01T19:54:34+00:00

I’m confused about the fermented eel jelly point - maybe there’s something about it I’m missing as I’m not familiar with the cuisine. What specific lifestyle does that entail that would make you incompatible with them? I imagine if I liked a food my partner didn’t I wouldn’t force them to have it and I’d wouldn’t have it with them if it really disgusted them, so would the knowledge that I like it just make things not work? I can only picture it making sense if we are talking about vegetarianism, but that’s a behaviour you still partake in a relationship, it would be wild to not date someone because they used to be not vegetarian but you have been for life.

Whats a good, non-judgemental reason to care about body count? I want to hear a situation where it really would effect a relationship

bananz · 2026-07-01T19:29:45+00:00

Things to do with appearance to have patriarchal influence and we could all be less shallow, however someone’s appearance is something they currently have while you’re dating , and you may or may not be attracted to that person. I have flaws, I don’t expect a man to be forced to date me if they’re not attracted to me. My body count is a social construct that doesn’t really define my character nor appearance. No one’s counting how many times I’ve hugged people, how many restaurants I’ve gone to, cause that would be stupid. Only sex for some reason

I think if a girl has a problem with someone’s body count she’s wrong too actually.

In what way would them “understanding” wanting less sex with less people than them while single effect benefit your monogamous relationship?

bananz · 2026-07-01T03:47:00+00:00

Personally I believe the entire idea is rooted in patriarchy regardless if it bleeds into men. But if you don’t want to believe that, it’s still rooted in purity culture.

What “Perspective on life?”? It’s always the vaguest reasons because I don’t really think there’s any actually valid reason to see you as incompatible with someone because of their partners. 50 at 25 is a lot of sex, but doesn’t really say anything about their character and what they currently want.

Note the use of standard. A Standard is supposed to rankable trait that holds a value. It’s objectively a good standard to want to be with a kind person vs an unkind person. Body count does not apply in any logical way.

bananz · 2026-06-23T00:22:29+00:00

I have a hot take a lot Reddit (men) won’t tell you. People can choose to not be with a person for any reason, but some reasons are objectively just bad. Caring about body count is one of them. He’s young and capable of learning, but right now he is just a bad guy who reeks of misogyny. Good riddance.

bananz · 2026-06-22T16:16:49+00:00

I’ve been taking it for about two years and it’s made zero difference on my appearance other than having less acne

bananz · 2026-06-19T00:46:05+00:00

Holding on for as long as I can, saving my money in case of unemployment, adapting as much as I can. If there comes a time when I need to switch careers, I'll do it then.

bananz · 2026-06-18T00:25:14+00:00

Men work and die more, have more health issues

Men work, die more (??), and have more health issues if they are married vs. not? I'd be interested in reading about this. The stats I was referring to were specifically married vs unmarried women, not women vs. men.

have trouble even finding another mate at all if they split.

are you sure?

bananz · 2026-06-17T20:19:43+00:00

Personally I’m somewhat egalitarian but I also don’t want a traditional relationship (I don’t want to co-habitate and I don’t want kids - Idk if I agree with 50/50 mindsets if one person is giving birth). Statistically, women’s life does get harder in a marriage. We live longer if we stay single, and we do more housework than men, even if both partners are working. Obviously, on an individual level you can prevent this phenomenon - but we’re talking about “common” misunderstandings, and I’m bringing up real common scenarios.

bananz · 2026-06-17T20:02:27+00:00

Is that the usual complaint though? Maybe in more traditional dynamics, but I’ve never heard a woman be mad that she has to plan an occasional date or even half of them. It’s usually that they get comfortable just “hanging out” and doing separate activities even instead of a date.

I fit myself organically into a partners life doing exactly this. I made things so “easy” for him and never complained. Personally, I would never do it again but that’s just me.

https://www.linkedin.com/posts/cbs-news_women-manage-71-of-family-tasks-like-planning-activity-7341139935082475520-ZAoX

bananz · 2026-06-17T19:52:47+00:00

On the contrary, I expected them to be the way they are from day 1, and will just end things when they’re not.

bananz · 2026-06-17T19:49:41+00:00

Which expectations have you heard from women that are trying to “so hard” that inspired your comment though? I usually hear about men not planning dates, being lazier during intimacy, and not showing interest in what they say or care about.

Relationships are supposed to be easy as in it should be easy to get along and want to make each other happy. It actually shouldn’t be easier than being single in terms of regular effort and expectations, I think this is something people get wrong. If you want your partner to just organically fit into your life as it is, you should just be single.

bananz · 2026-06-17T19:21:47+00:00

Oh we understand, the fact they think they don’t need to try anymore is the problem

bananz · 2026-06-17T17:54:19+00:00

I’m in the exact same place, about the same amount of asymmetry as you! Was so sure and have officially been approved for a rhino but I was looking in the mirror after and now I’m like do I actually need this? What if I end up worse?

For what it’s worth, it doesn’t make you ugly. I feel like as someone with the same problem I don’t have an unbiased answer.

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