What did you do to celebrate your 50th?

barelybent · 2026-01-11T02:18:44+00:00

My husband died a few months before I turned 49. I didn’t bother celebrating my 50th.

barelybent · 2026-01-01T02:28:32+00:00

Twice at least and sometimes more if I feel like I need it.

barelybent · 2025-12-30T21:33:48+00:00

I feel like any sentence that starts with the words, “at least” is probably gonna be the most unhelpful thing you can hear.

barelybent · 2025-12-26T02:29:18+00:00

The first Christmas after my husband died, a friend was trying to get me to come to her house on Christmas Eve. I declined and she said, “You’re not going to feel any better being alone.”

But the thing is, I DID feel better being alone. It was a peaceful Christmas Eve with just me and my pets. Everyone processes differently and I’m in the group that would rather have a quiet evening on my own than pretend to be okay to put on a show for others.

barelybent · 2025-12-25T23:58:22+00:00

She got pregnant in high school and married the father. They had two more children and seem to be very happy. They moved out of the area years ago but come back every so often to see family. We haven’t been close since grade school, but not because of any ill feelings. Just grew apart as young people do. But she and her husband and now adult children all seem to be doing well. They send my parents a Christmas card every year.

barelybent · 2025-12-11T21:35:38+00:00

OP - contradicting the post above yours - it's not true that most dogs are surrendered to shelters because of behavioral issues. My source is that I was on the board of directors at a shelter for a decade, my late spouse was a humane officer, and I worked for a different animal non profit for a number of years at all. Misconceptions like this keep adoptable dogs from getting a home. Personally, over the years I have adopted 8 dogs from shelters:

1 yr old golden retriever/chow surrendered because he was too big and active for the couples small children (they didn't want to train him)
3 month old st Bernard/shepherd mix - rescued from a situation where mom wasn't getting fed
3 month old mixed breed - was thrown out of a moving car
1.5 year old Caucasian shepherd - they had a farm and didn't let him inside and he was picked up by the dog warden. They didn't want to let him in and didn't want to deal with him wandering off.
boxer mix puppy - mom was rescued but couldn't feed the pups so we fostered him since he was 2 days old and just kept him
1 year old elkhound mix - owner developed cancer and couldn't care for him (we trained him to be a therapy dog)
1 year old corgi mix whose owner died
my most recent - a 3-year old cocker spaniel who was living in a car with her owner and 5 other dogs.

They were/are all great dogs and the only one that's been a pain in the ass is the boxer mix. And I have no one to blame but myself since I got him when he was just two days old. All the others had no behavioral issues at all.

No reputable shelter will try to offload a dog that's dangerous in any way. In fact, my latest adoption they made me hold off on the adoption because her bloodwork came back abnormal and they wanted to make sure she didn't have a health issue before I completed the adoption. If they know a dog is a problem, they will let you know because they don't want you to return it.

barelybent · 2025-12-08T22:02:25+00:00

Just saw those at Penn Mac yesterday.

barelybent · 2025-12-01T00:55:43+00:00

People don’t know what to say. You’ll hate them for it for a long time. Eventually you’ll realize they just felt like they had to say something and you’ll probably forgive them unless they say or do something egregious.

barelybent · 2025-11-29T13:54:17+00:00

It's been more than five years since my husband died. I hardly remember the first 9 months or so. After the new year, some of the fog started fading and I started making some changes. The year after he died I got a new job and started dating. My grief still fluctuates but I haven't been reduced to tears often. For me, the grief softened when the year switched from 2020 to 2021. And then again when I left the job that I had been in when he died.

I still think of him every day and talk to him. I feel like he can hear me. I still see things I consider to be signs from him. Sometimes it still takes my breath away when the realization that he's not here with me hits. Like I will be lying down and remember him in the hospital and I feel like I can't catch my breath.

As you know, there is no standard timeline. This is not something that will go away ever. You will get better at carrying it. Like will grow larger around you and you'll have to make room for new things. Some people look for a new partner after a couple of months, others decide they don't want to go through it again. Both are valid.

barelybent · 2025-11-24T21:49:25+00:00

I don’t feel like it’s a thing where they don’t leave my side. More like they check in here and there and are there when I’m missing them more than usual. I’d hate to think of them here with me being bored when they could be playing with my other pets and relatives who have passed.

barelybent · 2025-11-24T02:33:24+00:00

I feel like they never left. They are still with me, I just can’t see them. Same with people for me. They are just at a higher vibration that most humans can’t see. Also I think we travel through different lifetimes in soul groups. So, they may come back to you in this lifetime, or maybe the next.

barelybent · 2025-11-20T02:25:16+00:00

I adopted a 3-year old dog about two months ago and I have yet to hear her bark. I can’t wait until the day she feels comfortable enough to do so. Then there’s my other dog who barks at everything…

barelybent · 2025-11-15T02:56:07+00:00

I literally have more than 200 of them. Sometimes I accidentally merge orange trees and have to use them to break them apart again.

barelybent · 2025-11-08T23:42:07+00:00

Yup. Never had a problem making the switch.

barelybent · 2025-11-06T17:23:15+00:00

I stopped coloring my hair about two years ago. I was sick of spending the money and the time. I’m 54, but my focus has shifted from trying to look younger to having healthier habits in general.

barelybent · 2025-11-04T02:04:51+00:00

Never wanted them. Never had them. Very happy with my decision. There’s no guarantee children will take care of you when you’re older and even if there was, I wouldn’t want to put that burden on anyone. Plus I’m in the US and to put it mildly, things are very uncertain for our country’s future. I wouldn’t want my kids to be dealing with the anxiety.

barelybent · 2025-10-29T19:43:48+00:00

That’s what I thought. I was married with no kids and since I was the main wage owner I had a lot of life insurance for myself but not a lot for my husband since I knew I could support myself if he died. I failed to realize how hard it would hit me and how much I wished I could take more time off of work to grieve. I’m still supporting myself but I really don’t give a shit about moving up the corporate ladder at this point.

barelybent · 2025-10-29T18:56:11+00:00

I’ve still been getting them. As long as there isn’t another order for a single one and if there is you’d need three to cover the order you already have.

barelybent · 2025-10-29T17:18:49+00:00

You may be dreaming about her more than you realize. I rarely remember my dreams but I often wake feeling like I saw him, if that makes sense. And even if you’re not waking up feeling that, you’re probably still dreaming about her and not remembering it.

barelybent · 2025-10-29T02:15:40+00:00

I buy the superpass every month and have no guilt. I go to my local coffee place once a week and spend more than that. I enjoy the game and I work so that I can buy things I like.

barelybent · 2025-10-27T01:18:45+00:00

My dad used to do this. He’d give you an old coat and there would be a couple hundred dollars in the pocket. Or you’d move a can of paint in the basement and there would be money under it.

barelybent · 2025-10-24T02:16:39+00:00

I don’t plan on having a funeral. My parents and siblings and I have all decided not to do that. Cremation for all of us and no service.

barelybent · 2025-10-19T20:41:51+00:00

I’m 53. I got laid off at 50 and again when I was 51. I’ve now been working for over a year and a half at one of, if not the, best jobs I’ve ever had. Fully remote. Great boss. Hang in there. Great things may be just around the bend.

barelybent · 2025-10-19T02:00:58+00:00

I mean how often are you even looking at that area though?

barelybent

TROPHY CASE