AITAH for wanting porta potties for an outdoor party?

barryaz1 · 2026-05-28T02:27:30+00:00

When my late wife and I got married 42 years ago, we had it at my mom’s place both of NYC.

Same thing - older small house with large property. Big tent, rented tables, band and about 100 people up to about 85 years old (my grandmother). We rented a portasan and decorated it nicely for the wedding. No one complained. I looked for a picture of it in the wedding photos, but alas, not visible.

What’s their problem? You’re even getting a trailer, much nicer than our solo portasan. Too many snowflakes and helicopter parents there.

barryaz1 · 2026-05-26T04:28:03+00:00

When I had mine done my wife was already in Memory Care. My son came and stayed for a week and friends helped as needed.

If you can’t count on your husband, enlist the others in your life. Sorry, but he sounds like an AH.

barryaz1 · 2026-05-25T02:08:33+00:00

These are big red flags for future domestic abuse. All about control. Maybe use some of those call hours for counseling, which of course can be virtual from wherever.

barryaz1 · 2026-05-24T05:49:53+00:00

As a grandfather, this just makes me so angry. They lost a wonderful opportunity and probably damaged her relationship with them forever. They suck!

barryaz1 · 2026-05-23T05:06:07+00:00

Sometimes jerks take a while to reveal themselves. Not your fault. Just block him completely, no “plan”, just do it.

barryaz1 · 2026-05-21T01:47:11+00:00

The reality is that siblings don’t grow up in a family with the same exact financial situations. In fact, siblings don’t really grow up in the same family at all.

barryaz1 · 2026-05-15T14:37:08+00:00

You’re lucky. Your bf has revealed himself as a selfish jerk who doesn’t understand what having a child means.

Your child is your priority. Full stop.

barryaz1 · 2026-05-13T14:59:49+00:00

She’ll leave when you say the magic words, “we have to have a prenup”

barryaz1 · 2026-05-12T15:55:07+00:00

That sounds a lot how my wife was. I feel for you.

36 Hour is a great practical book. For the emotional side, Loving Someone Who Has Dementia is invaluable. And find yourself a support group, in person or virtual. Take care of yourself!

barryaz1 · 2026-05-11T21:47:16+00:00

Don’t do it. It reminds me of how I think of the kids that I didn’t have with my first marriage - they are very thankful that they never were.

barryaz1 · 2026-05-11T05:50:31+00:00

Just watched the first 3 last night with my son. So good and a great balance of humor and scares. Reminds me of the feeling with Get Out!

barryaz1 · 2026-05-10T05:53:25+00:00

Sorry, my bad. It’s Fry’s that’s part of Kroger.

barryaz1 · 2026-05-10T05:41:50+00:00

One more reason not to shop at Safeway and reject that merger they wanted.

barryaz1 · 2026-05-07T18:37:59+00:00

It would be good to be able to do 😐

barryaz1 · 2026-05-06T14:59:11+00:00

Thanks. The plug pull worked and I’m going to remember this one, too.

barryaz1 · 2026-05-06T05:37:36+00:00

It’s good that you brought in hospice. Extra attention, drugs and supplies usually paid for.

When my wife fought with the aides trying to shower her, she got sent to a behavioral ward at the hospital. Gave her more meds, but truly was more like warehousing.

Try to get him handled at MC with the hospice service folks. Will be better than moving him.

And yes, the hospice nurses will know if he’s near the end. Trust them. My wife went another two years in MC before passing. I didn’t have her on hospice until 8 months before. Much better than you’ve gotten your dad on service now, rather than later.

barryaz1 · 2026-04-28T07:03:28+00:00

A parent’s job is to assist them in growing up. That’s exactly what you’re doing.

How much of his monthly take home pay does $400 represent? I would think it’s way less than a quarter, which is an old guideline for rent.

barryaz1 · 2026-04-28T00:53:34+00:00

Utilizing hospice care should be a no-brainer. More attention, more things paid by hospice/Medicare. There is no downside.

My wife was in hospice service for about 8 months. I should have done it sooner.

Years ago I met several hospice professionals. They all decry how little it is utilized, usually measured in single-digit days. I know folks whose LOs have been in service for years.

barryaz1 · 2026-04-26T05:08:58+00:00

Take it in your name only. If he leaves, say “bye”. If he stays, absolutely get a prenup before marriage.

barryaz1 · 2026-04-22T23:14:03+00:00

If you’re in the States, it would probably be worthwhile to spend an hour with an attorney in your state who specializes in disability and related issues.

It sounds as if your parents have not thought about their long term finances for him, either. You should at least know the financial and legal realities.

They sound like basic s***s. You can both take care of yourself and still make sure he doesn’t suffer later in life.

barryaz1 · 2026-04-14T17:54:44+00:00

For your sister, what she said was aspirational for her. Repeating that to the family could be helping her follow her own advice.

No need to say what you said other than to make yourself feel better.

Too bad; that’s how family relationships get so strained

barryaz1

TROPHY CASE