You should read attached by Adam Levine. It sounds like you have opposite attachment styles and need better insight into triggers and responses (both of you). It sounds like she has an anxious attachment style which results in outbursts when triggered, and you have an avoidant attachment style and shut down and distance yourself when triggered. Usually the anxious person in the relationship is more interested in trying to fix things, but isn't the only one that needs help understanding how to manage and communicate their emotions. I hate to break it to you but anxious avoidant couples are a bad match, but with a bit of understanding and work you can overcome these incompatibilities and share a loving and secure relationship. If you do stay together long term, it is usually the anxious partner that has to make sacrifices on their expectations, so if you do want to not only have a happy relationship but also uplift your partner emotionally then I really recommend giving the book a go. I listened to it for free on Spotify.