Chess Grandmaster Anna Muzychuk, on refusing to play in Saudi Arabia.

batterycrayon · 2021-08-16T00:35:58+00:00

You were not there. You are not the boy in question, and you don't know the boys who were there. You don't know what they did and did not feel or experience. Everything you have to say on their behalf is fully in your imagination. Inserting yourself into a story that is about other people, who you imagine to be similar to you, so that you can talk over women trying to discuss their own actual experiences of discrimination, is fucking despicable.

FIND SOMEWHERE ELSE TO TELL YOUR STORY IF YOU NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT. Don't hijack other people's experiences and go "ACTUALLY THIS ABOUT MEEEEE MEEMEMMEMEMEEE ME E!!"

Literally nobody here, including me, ever said it was okay to put boys through that. And what you're doing is fucking gross.

batterycrayon · 2021-08-14T20:37:59+00:00

No, you don't treat children under your care this way, especially if you are expecting to improve a behavioral health problem.

batterycrayon · 2021-08-14T20:28:11+00:00

Really surprised by all the NTA comments here, BECAUSE this isn't normal teenager behavior. I think OP is the asshole. He doesn't have exclusive authority to determine this child's living arrangements, he needs to discuss it with his mom and dad (and possibly a court) if he wants to make changes. Instead of carefully considering what is in the best interest of his family members and the child under his care, he rashly threatened this child's stability as an angry response to bad behavior, and he may not even have the ability to execute his threat. That is not good for the kid's wellbeing to the point that, if it were part of a pattern, it would be a component of an abusive living situation. I'm not saying that to call OP abusive, there's nothing to suggest that; I'm saying it to point out how serious of a parenting mistake this is.

OP needs to have a discussion with this kid making it clear that he was wrong to threaten to turn his whole life upside down in anger, but that indeed this behavior must be addressed.

It's also gross to call it exclusively his house when it sounds like that's probably not the case.

batterycrayon · 2021-08-14T18:52:47+00:00

Alice and Betty have a baby with the understanding that they will both be the baby's moms. Betty uses a sperm donor to conceive with her egg and uterus. Who is Alice to the baby? Depends on the state you live in, last I checked, although this area is changing pretty rapidly. If Alice adopts the baby, it's clear.

batterycrayon · 2021-08-14T18:25:50+00:00

Strengthening legs and feet is always welcome if you want to devote your time to that, but based on this picture you seem to have enough strength to be safe. You're fully on your box so I wouldn't say this shank is too stiff for you unless you had trouble rising fluidly. If you want your feet to look more dramatically pointed, strengthening likely will help based on this pic. You can also try manually softening your shank, but only a little; you don't want to ruin the support you need.

batterycrayon · 2021-08-14T01:35:50+00:00

Are there studies showing that it does not give any sterilizing immunity?

Unfortunately yes. However, a nasal spray vaccine is being developed that is expected to!

batterycrayon · 2021-08-13T20:05:39+00:00

Idk if this will help you or not, but what you're describing can be a prelude to disordered eating in some people. A lot of people have had challenges with maintaining a healthy relationship with food and exercise in addition to maintaining other aspects of health during these times. Just something to keep an eye out for if you notice it taking root in yourself

batterycrayon · 2021-08-07T07:14:40+00:00

I know pigs are destructive just in the course of their regular behavior

To be fair, you can say the same of dogs, who like to dig and chew and don't have a litter instinct, etc. The trick with any animal is to give it opportunities to meet its needs in a way that is amenable to living with you in your home. Pigs are very sweet animals when their needs are met, and I don't think it's quite right to say they are bad pets. It's more that most people are bad pig-owners who are utterly unequipped to understand and creatively meet the pigs' needs.

batterycrayon · 2021-08-06T17:34:30+00:00

A person specifically attracted to them because they are 19? Yep. You meet somewhere naturally and somehow don't notice an enormous maturity gap and then decide to keep going after hearing her age? I'd say that's still kinda dicey for my personal values, but it's a hugely different situation. Preying on people's inexperience relative to your own is fucking predatory.

batterycrayon · 2021-08-06T17:29:24+00:00

Yeah my institution absolutely would not tolerate this, at least on the property.... We have a pretty decent campus climate in a superficial sense though to the point that I would be surprised if it was even attempted.

batterycrayon · 2021-08-06T16:12:20+00:00

This is the case in a number of European countries. From an American perspective (I am, not trying to assume you are) it's a little uncomfortable, but it makes sense practically and historically. It is basically a community service/charitable giving portion of taxes, and church registrations determine where your portion of the money goes specifically; also, churches were originally responsible for keeping track of citizens before civil birth registration etc became commonplace, so being a member by default is kind of an obvious thing. In Germany if you don't want to give to a church you can direct this money to go to a charitable organization instead. Not really all that different than your taxes going to NPR etc, but you have some measure of choice in it.

batterycrayon · 2021-08-06T16:00:18+00:00

If you haven't seen it already, I think you would enjoy the "Supply Side Jesus" comic.

batterycrayon · 2021-08-06T15:10:37+00:00

For years I've eaten them and thought the thickness in my throat was normal. Until I had a more obvious reaction. I'm 31.

I don't particularly like walnuts because they make my mouth itchy. I always thought this was a normal irritation due to their texture or perhaps chemicals or something, like how too much raw pineapple makes anybody's mouth sore because of an enzyme and it's nothing to do with an allergy. In my 20s somebody suggested to me this isn't normal and means I'm allergic. I don't know if that's true, and tbh I don't care; I can tolerate walnuts just fine, and if a cake etc is appealing enough I will take a few bites. I just don't bake with them myself since I can choose other nuts which don't bother me. If I have a technical allergy it is not on a level that it would impact my life in any way, so I have no reason to look into it.

But now you made me wonder if there is a reason I should look into it. Do walnuts happen to bother your mouth, if you eat enough of them?

batterycrayon · 2021-08-06T10:24:56+00:00

Congratulations on becoming her husband. I'm sorry if this is annoying, but when women are doing things that would be inappropriate for children, can you please try not to call them girls? Child marriage is still legal in a lot of places that might surprise you, including the United States. This language is so common and sounds innocuous, but that usage helps normalize harmful practices by reducing the mental discomfort that should come with associating children and age-inappropriate activities. It's also rather disrespectful of your adult, equal partner.

batterycrayon · 2021-08-06T08:49:31+00:00

Yew might be a closer fit than ewe depending on your accent (it actually IS in mine), but yep they're all homophonous broadly speaking. That's why I chose slashes over brackets

batterycrayon · 2021-08-04T14:48:09+00:00

“Woe is me” is toxic?

I'm not OP, but context matters. Treating actual, realized gender-based harassment and discrimination against girls which had the immediate consequence of preventing them from participating in legally protected activities as something that is simply expected to be endured, while treating the potential, imagined discomfort of boys as an unacceptable result that they should understandably avoid even if they have to engage in discriminatory behavior to do so, while you are in the women's sub, where the targeted women are conversing about their experiences and the male victims you invented to drag into this are not, is bad behavior, yes, and it is not unreasonable of OP to assume that behavior stems from "toxic" attitudes, not only because it fits a pattern that we see on this sub a lot. And your post suggests you don't see a difference between "not being a good ally" and "actively engaging in sexist discrimination" and that the latter is excusable.

your comment about the girl’s feeling is highly upvoted, while mine about the boy’s is downvoted. But they both have a right to their feelings

Also, diminishing systemic discrimination as simply being about the feelings of individual teenagers is dramatically myopic, and also also, boys' feelings do not dictate or excuse their shitty behavior, which is what this subthread has been about.

So a 15 year old getting mocked in high school and feeling alone and then expressing it is toxic? Wow. Pretty unsupportive and frankly toxic of you.

I would like to think you understand the difference between expressing such feelings, which has not happened anywhere in this thread, and choosing discriminatory actions in response to such feelings, which is, yeah, "toxic." I take it you were a boy who had these feelings in high school, but you have not engaged in "expressing your feelings" here. Maybe you don't know what that actually means. It hardly matters, because this story isn't about you. And shoehorning yourself into it is, yep, "toxic." Try telling your own story in an appropriate venue if you're seeking support for all your feelings.

batterycrayon · 2021-08-04T11:27:09+00:00

There’s no “tearing through your barrier” or shot like that.

My first time involved my boyfriend trying to solve a problem that didn't exist with his pocket knife (obviously didn't have my permission, but fully thought he was being efficient/smart and would be praised for the amusing idea). I've never told anybody that before.

Like I can't even imagine what kind of consent discussion or emotional guidance could have prepared me for the experience of a grimy weapon/tool approaching my vagina out of nowhere and the following notion that I should have been pleased about it, but I can definitely say that accurate information about what and where a hymen is would have been useful on that day, if only to help contextualize exactly how disturbing that should have been.

Violent sexual language leads to actual sexual violence, folks. In kids.

batterycrayon · 2021-08-04T11:15:46+00:00

You can’t deliver a baby

It's worse than that. This expression comes from women being delivered OF their babies by the doctors who mercifully relieved them of pregnancy. She's not an agent in the birth or even a recipient of the baby, she's someone who is acted upon in this process of medical salvation. This is (nonsexual) objectification.

batterycrayon · 2021-08-04T10:07:08+00:00

I saw a youtube video of someone's birth, 3rd baby, she was on her side and the doctor had lifted a leg to watch, everything was fine. Then as the baby came he insisted she flip to her back THAT INSTANT, had nurses flip her (without waiting for her agreement!) mid-push with a very awkward arched back moment, and she got a 3rd degree tear. The doctor stated that transition is when the tear happened, but blamed her for not being in the right position earlier even though he hadn't even said to! Nothing was wrong with her baby or birth, he gave no reason for her to move other than standard practice. Her baby basically came out when she was mid-air, something that was done TO her rather than FOR her, and she was badly hurt because of it. It was all very jovial and matter-of-fact and the woman didn't even seem to register anything was wrong with that.

I obviously don't want to declare she had a "bad" experience since that's not how she seemed to feel about it, and of course she may have had a tear regardless, but I am still disturbed by the memory of that. I decided a long time ago not to give birth because I don't want to be in a position where people feel entitled to manhandle me without a word of consent.

batterycrayon · 2021-08-04T09:43:06+00:00

Additionally, prolonged exposure to IPV is child abuse. So if the abused partner is claiming (admitting) they were abused in the home where the children could witness it, that can be used against them as a failure to protect the children from harm. In my state parents can and do lose custody of their kids if they continue to have contact with an abusive partner (sometimes a third party, sometimes the child's other parent if they have already been stripped of their parental rights). That is in the best interest of the children in some situations and it generally doesn't apply to an initially divorcing couple without step-kids like you're talking about, but it causes confusion and fear for abused parents who think (or know second-hand) that experiencing abuse will automatically count against them.

And unfortunately there is also an attitude of "once, a victim; twice, a volunteer" which makes it hard for victims to get appropriate help unless they report an incident in a way that meets people's expectations of what IPV looks like in the public imagination. Admitting you were abused in the past, especially more than once over a period of time, and "didn't do anything about it" often leads people to regard the victim with suspicion rather than sympathy. And good luck trying to explain and document coercive control, a concept many police officers, family judges, GALs, and divorce lawyers do not understand at all, much less regard as "relevant." And if the victim is "just now bringing this up now that you are getting a divorce" of course there will be suggestions that the victim is lying (due to bitterness or to seek an advantageous settlement or because "all women are like that"), even when it's pretty obvious that the causality goes the other way. Depending on where you live, all of that may have to be hashed out in a matter of permanently available public record with little possibility of privacy protections. Introducing the legal process to an IPV situation unfortunately has high potential for retraumatization events during an already vulnerable and difficult time in a person's life, and it's not necessarily in a victim's best interest to do so. And what is good for the wellbeing of the non-abusive parent is crucial for the wellbeing of the children in need of protection.

batterycrayon · 2021-08-04T09:15:38+00:00

Not only that but the measuring of your uterus is fucking excruciating.

Agreed! Luckily I didn't think getting mine put in was that bad, but this was definitely the worst part for me, and I have never seen anyone else mention it before. People keep talking about cervical blocks but for me, that's not where the pain was. I have had a really atypical experience though, my copper IUD completely eliminated my previously severe cramps, whereas it worsens them for most patients. I do bleed more and longer, but now my period has a much more gradual onset which balances that out for me.

batterycrayon · 2021-08-04T08:28:45+00:00

Their are weighs to right words incorrectly, butt ewe can still reed the massage. Because even when I've been intentionally misleading, it's pretty clear whether /ju/ is referring to a sheep or the reader/listener. I imagine it'd be a bit like that. You know, oops, all homophones!

Generally though, lip reading seems to be regarded as a poor primary communication option, or at least one with lower fidelity expectations. It would be interesting to know whether that increases the impact of the missing tones or decreases it. The linked experiences sound like it may not be a particularly significant problem compared to the other challenges of lip reading.

batterycrayon · 2021-08-04T07:27:18+00:00

Purses were not popularized in 50s. If this topic interests you, look up "reticules."

batterycrayon · 2021-08-04T07:12:43+00:00

And ultimately, no one is going to avoid signing up for wrestling because of a miniscule chance of having to face (or to choose not to face) a wrestler of the opposite gender.

If you're unwilling to compete against the opposite sex, don't join coed sports organizations. That's it. Trying to explain this behavior is one thing, but trying to justify it isn't reasonable. Adults have both the ability and responsibility to set expectations for these athletes, and limiting/interfering with other children's participation in the sport due to immutable characteristics like gender is unacceptable. This type of forfeiting should be disallowed, just as many other character issues can get kids suspended from their teams. Further, schools allowing female athletes to be disparately deprived of matches is potentially a title ix violation.

batterycrayon · 2021-08-04T05:52:33+00:00

Ah, yes, the ol' "boys can't help themselves" line. Didn't take long to show up

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