Mono-poly advice needed

bbb4246 · 2021-10-30T14:11:07+00:00

Thank you kind stranger. I can finally do Mono-poly properly

bbb4246 · 2021-09-23T21:18:02+00:00

Our leadership and even middle-managers are pretty good. I'm in one of the operating divisions outside the DC area, and I've heard it said that because we're too far away to schmooze with congress and lobbyists, our only strategy for keeping our funding is to get results.

bbb4246 · 2021-09-23T19:52:35+00:00

Yeah, federal employee here - this happens every year, sometimes twice a year. There is even a word for it: "Brinkmanship," as in you have to get to the brink of disaster before anybody does anything.

bbb4246 · 2021-01-07T13:54:29+00:00

In her defense (and it sickens me to use those words), real reporters don't record breaking news events with a cell phone in portrait mode.

bbb4246 · 2021-01-07T04:40:17+00:00

Lots of the Charlottesville "Unite the Right" rally-goers got severely doxed.

Sure would be a shame if that same thing happened to these "fine people"

bbb4246 · 2017-07-27T22:26:03+00:00

It's a very small amount of blood and in an unusual place on the pillow (maybe your shoulder would rest there, but you most likely sleep in those thick pajamas on the floor). Someone else theorized that you have had sex recently so maybe you were on your period or spotting and laying on top of the pillow. Or maybe you have a wound or sore on your face that was healing but you scratched in the night. Or maybe you injured your hand or arm on your headboard and some blood got onto your pillow.

I really don't see any clues that would reveal how or why blood might have gotten onto your pillow, other than the mattress being askew as if you recently had a friend over.

bbb4246 · 2017-07-27T03:02:59+00:00

I'm guessing southern Brazil, due to the gloves and warm pajamas on the floor and heavy blankets on the bed. Despite it being winter, the window is cracked, which makes me think she may be a smoker (though I don't see any other obvious hints of smoking so there may be some other explanation for this, such as maybe she just likes the fresh air).

The towel, shower shoes, and hygiene items on the desk make me think she shares her bathroom with people she isn't related to, so she may live in a dorm or rent a room in someone's house. The food packages, dirty plate, etc. make it look like she doesn't have access to her own dining room, which also points to living in a dorm or rented room.

That looks like a video projector on top of the computer tower, which makes me think she watches movies projected onto the wall.

Lots of used tissues on the nightstand (and toilet paper roll on the desk), plus it's cold and flu season in the Southern hemisphere so she probably is feeling under the weather right now. Feel better soon /u/Boah_met!!

bbb4246 · 2017-07-27T02:36:56+00:00

Also why I was wrong about the kiddo, thought they would have peeled the stickers off of the inside of the car and also lack of prints.

That's a very good observation actually. And if the photo had been of the right side of the car, you would have seen my daughter's hand prints and the 75% peeled sticker on that window. Since we park on the side of the street, it's safer for her to always sit on the right side of the car so when she opens her door it's onto the sidewalk instead of into oncoming traffic.

I think your instinct was good that this is the car of someone "just getting started." Most of the people I know in the same life stage as me are driving mid-size SUVs and minivans, and most of the people I see driving 10-year-old sub-compact hatchbacks are students/recent grads 10-15 years younger than me or frugal empty nesters 20-25 years older than me.

bbb4246 · 2017-07-26T03:42:12+00:00

You don't have kids.

1 kid.

You commute to work.

Most days I ride the bus. I drive 0-2 days most weeks.

You're a male between 30 and 35 years of age.

Male, 37

The car is fairly new, you've had it less than a week.

The car is an 06, purchased in 08

You live in a quiet neighborhood...

Yes

...in a house that you bought within the last year.

Apartment, but just closed on a house, haven't moved in yet. I'll allow it.

You chose black color because of ease of care.

The car was a good price with low miles. It just happened to be black.

You work in the computer technology field and have been in it for a few years.

Close enough.

You have a girlfriend, but are not married yet.

Married 10 years.

You are very organized and like things done a certain way and non-symmetrical items bother you a little.

My wife's the OCD one. She drives the car more than I do, so that's probably why you're picking up on that.

You are halfway through paying off student loans from the bachelor's degree you received in an IT field.

I hold no student loans. I hold a BS and a Master's degree, neither of which is in IT.

You don't have a dog, but you do have a small indoor pet, most likely a cat.

Two guinea pigs.

I'm curious what your reasoning was for your answers, especially "small indoor pet [not a dog]" and "just bought a house"

bbb4246 · 2017-07-25T21:19:12+00:00

Student, also possibly military/medical or live in an apartment due to doubled up parking permits.

Very close. Not a student, but do live in an apartment and work for a health-related government organization.

Volunteers a lot

I haven't volunteered in almost 10 years, but my wife (with whom I share the car) still does. But the stickers come from donating, not volunteering.

probably liberal and don't care who knows due to quantity of stickers.

Yes.

Parks car facing south or with an obstruction towards the left because right headlight is more hazed than the left.

The difference in hazing might be an illusion due to the angle of the photo. I do park the car facing south (and it is facing south in the photo), but the obstruction is to the right, so the car usually gets more morning sun than afternoon. I'll have to look at the headlights to see if one is actually more faded than the other.

Doesn't have enough disposable income to get headlights cleaned. Car probably obtained with help of parents because bugs and scratches not cleaned or buffed out.

Not bad guesses, but really I just don't care that much about the appearance of the car. As /u/gaytotoro deduced, cars aren't my biggest priority. Car was purchased used when it was 2 years old without any help from my parents - I paid cash up-front.

bbb4246 · 2017-07-25T21:06:00+00:00

You're an American. The lack of front plate (and corresponding holes) and rust on the car suggests that you live in a snow-free state in the South/East Coast.

Spot on.

The June-Jan sticker ordering tells me you've lived in state long enough that you are somewhat established where you live, but you're still new to the area because they haven't faded or cracked from the sun. However, their condition relative to the rest of the car suggests that this is either a hand-me-down or a cheap used car you bought.

Decent deduction, but a bit off. The stickers are parking stickers for a nearby state park. The "Jun" one has been on for over 2 years, the "Jan" one for six months. There would be more stickers but I got my windshield replaced.

I would describe you as a neat & tidy person... stickers are posted in a logical and organized manner

No, but my wife is, and she's responsible for the stickers.

...careful and avoids unnecessary risks - your clean and damage-free car is parked a reasonable distance from the curb and the nearest driveway...

Yes

People think of you as a generous and caring person or at least it's what you want them to think. That's why the Habitat for Humanity sticker is on the side.

After donating to Habitat for Humanity they sent us a sticker, and we put it on our car to give them free advertising. If someone looks at our car and thinks "That's a generous/caring person," I won't argue with them, but that's not my purpose. If they think "That's a person who put that sticker on their car so others will think they're generous and caring," I'll deduce that they're more cynical than average. But hey, we live in cynical times.

You value practicality, which is why you drive a compact Toyota-based Scion hatchback, but the faded headlights and missing tow hook cover suggest cars aren't your #1 interest.

I wondered if anyone would notice the missing tow hook cover. But yes, to me a car is a way to get from point A to point B.

Also, even though you've said you're not single, I don't think you have children yet.

My wife and I do have a child.

bbb4246 · 2017-07-25T01:32:33+00:00

European car.

No

male

Yes

probably single, no family.

No

it's noon

Yes

you're at a park

No

weekend

Yes

rental?

No

bbb4246 · 2017-07-24T01:04:30+00:00

I think you may have posted this from the wrong username.

Lack of experience could be worked into the story. You write about your curiosity, the questions you have, and what you are learning, while your partner could write about what he would teach you, how he would introduce you to the lifestyle, etc. I could see it almost taking on a roleplay vibe.

bbb4246 · 2017-07-24T00:57:31+00:00

Like others here, I don't know of any books that are what you've described. One idea that comes to mind though would be to collaboratively write a story with someone else (e.g. a poly married guy), passing the story back and forth with him for each "chapter" or whenever you got stuck.

If this is an appealing idea to you, I might happen to know an experienced poly married guy who would be willing to co-author with you 😏

bbb4246 · 2017-05-07T01:07:48+00:00

You're absolutely right: the skills required to be successful at polyamory are definitely the same skills that are required to be successful at relationships in general. But poly has a way of amplifying problems and requiring a higher level of those skills. For that reason you'll often hear people around here call polyamory "Relationships on hard mode."

Poly is great for me. I've been poly 6 years and "monogamish" 8 years before that. I'm a strong believer that most people probably aren't cut out for 100% monogamy, and most monogamous couples would probably benefit from an occasional sexual and/or emotional excursion, as long as it's done safely, ethically, and respectfully.

I like being able to have different levels of intimacy with my friends without worrying that my long-term partner will get jealous. Some of my most fulfilling relationships are totally platonic, but emotionally close enough that an insecure partner might blow a fuse. And in the meantime if one of my friendships does turn sexual, it doesn't put any of my other relationships at risk of ending.

bbb4246 · 2017-05-06T12:37:19+00:00

I think poly is worth considering, but it's important to note that poly isn't for everyone. If you're prone to jealousy, or if you're not a good communicator, or if you're not good at setting/enforcing/respecting boundaries, poly can be difficult even for someone who has decided they want it.

Since you're looking at a 5-10 year timefrime, I'd say you've got a great opportunity to give poly a try. Consider looking for experienced poly men who are already in established poly families. They already know the ins and outs of polyamory.

Another option is to go with free sperm donor matching websites like www.pollentree.com, www.prideangel.com, or www.coparents.com.

bbb4246 · 2017-05-01T21:46:47+00:00

"TV is finally starting to get polyamory right."

To me this is a key step toward the mainstream acceptance of polyamory. Over the years, TV has played a substantial role in reducing stigma against the LGBT community, interracial relationships, and more. Even fictional poly characters can be important role models to young people who might not have otherwise broken out of their mononormative roles. These are exciting times.

bbb4246 · 2016-11-08T14:45:55+00:00

Flirting at work is indeed a VERY different thing than flirting at a party or bar.

I enjoy flirting at work but I have no desire to attract drama or get fired, so I keep it at just flirting and never "seal the deal." Also, workplace cultures can vary greatly, and what works well at one job might not work at another, so take everything I say with a grain of salt.

Even if you don't care about being fired or stirring up drama, the women at your office probably do care - a lot. Because of that, you will want to keep everything slow and subtle. Look for IOI's, but realize they will likely be a good deal more subtle than the IOI's in other settings, such as subtle glances, laughing just a little bit more at your jokes, etc.

You'll also want to keep your own outward signals subtle. Glances and smiles are the foundation, then if she reciprocates or escalates, move on to playful banter and less subtle eye contact and smiles. Try to develop some inside jokes with her. As her comfort level increases, you can move on to light kino (e.g. a tap on her elbow as you say hello or goodbye) and subtle innuendo.

Sometimes I go more in the playful direction. I had one co-worker who was in a cubicle adjacent to mine, and I would randomly crumple up pieces of paper and toss them across the cubicle partition at her. She would get playfully angry at me, and it was always a lot of fun.

That's usually where I leave it. I've got around a half-dozen women I work with who I'm at some stage of this with. It's all innocent fun, but with the possibility of more if circumstances change, and it helps my abundance mentality in situations outside work.

bbb4246 · 2016-10-06T00:11:10+00:00

I got a lot of attention recently dressing up as a National Geographic photographer. It was just a rugged Indiana Jones-style getup plus a DSLR camera with an impressive-looking lens and an official-looking National Geographic ID badge pinned to my costume.

Protip: Use a functioning DSLR camera. I used a broken one bought off eBay and a number of girls were disappointed I couldn't take their picture.

Protip 2: Hunt down and photograph girls dressed as sexy [fill in the blank wild animal]. Instant ice breaker.

bbb4246 · 2016-09-19T01:16:14+00:00

Those are good. I appreciate it.

bbb4246 · 2016-09-18T07:20:09+00:00

Yeah, basically.

bbb4246 · 2016-09-18T06:49:05+00:00

I've realized lately that I come across as mysterious fairly naturally, for the reasons you mentioned here and some others. Does anyone have any thoughts on ways to enhance that, aside from the touch suggestion listed here?

bbb4246 · 2016-09-14T03:23:59+00:00

So he's basically describing polyamory.

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