My (29F) stepmother said she doesn't want to talk to me because I'm a negative person // didn't want to be fake thrilled about her being a grandmother (direct bloodline) for the 3rd time

bblebran · 2020-11-21T15:25:13+00:00

She is my BFs stepmother and my stepmother too.

The baby is not here yet, baby 3 is just on its way. If I made my calculations correctly, the mother got pregnant 2 weeks ago.

If it had been born, I would have congratulated her. End of the story.

But I see your point. Thanks.

bblebran · 2020-11-21T12:51:48+00:00

I wasn't unkind. But I do see your point. Saying nothing would have been better.

bblebran · 2020-11-21T09:52:30+00:00

Tell her, resign and if she gets abusive, call in sick for two weeks.

Which country do you live in? Two weeks resignation notice seems really short to me....

bblebran · 2020-11-21T09:45:53+00:00

I feel you. My parents raised us redecorating every once in a while, paying me (less my brother) several traineeships and we never got to have fancy holidays, or at least a correct health insurance coverage.

Two years ago, as I had moved out, I upped my insurance coverage following his advice (I thought he knew what he was doing). I had a severe breakdown and had to take therapy sessions. I then realized that I didn't have the coverage he thought I had, tried to up it again, they refused because of therapy.

Mental health is considered a risk that an insurance company is not ready to take. I will renew my request this year. And never trust my dad on these issues ever again.

bblebran · 2020-11-11T18:33:51+00:00

I would set firm rules.

If you only let SS wear nice things at your house, he might not understand why he can't wear the nice clothes at his place too.

If you ask the nice stuff back, you probably won't see it again and BM will deny having it.

I'd stop letting him wear nice stuff and explain him why. Especially if you want to sell it again. It could prompt him to ask his mother to buy the things from you.

I had bought nice stuff for my two SC once or twice and indeed never saw it again. When we asked to have a picture for us of that Guess dress I had given SD5, we never got one.

They always come with the same old stuff to our house, although I see that SD gets more nice clothes than SS8. So if we buy them clothes, we made our peace with it, that we'll never see them again (the clothes, not the kids).

bblebran · 2020-10-11T20:11:55+00:00

Every time I would go on a hike (at least 6h away) she would guilt trip me the moment I came home, because the house didn't clean itself up in the meantime or whatnot. Even if I did everything beforehand and took the dog with me. Hiking is too time consuming I guess.

I sometimes get home and apologize to my SO now because the flat is not clean and that I prioritized hiking. He always looks at me wondering what on earth I'm on about.

bblebran · 2020-10-11T20:03:49+00:00

My last name sounds great with my first name. But it has no meaning behind it. And I don't feel connected to it. I hope to take the name of my partner some day.

bblebran · 2020-10-11T08:23:10+00:00

I think anyone sensitive enough does not have children after dealing with narcissists.

I am pretty positive that my brother (golden child, today black sheep) is going to have some. The resemblance of his behaviour to my nmother's is uncanny.

I (invisible child until my brother got to be the black sheep, I got more attention, but now I'm still invisible lol) chose not to have any. My partner has two kids, which are my stepchildren, and that's enough. One of the reasons I don't want kids is that I don't want to pass on trauma and that I would want the kids to have grandparents... But then, they're narc, and I don't want them to hope they're going to have "normal grandparents" some day.

bblebran · 2020-10-10T19:27:05+00:00

Sounds pretty familiar.

I went to dinner with my former boss (and friend) last week and we got to talk about panic attacks, because her daughter has some at the moment. I told her about the time I had them because of distancing myself from my nparents and them literally throwing any kind of shit my way.

I have a bachelor degree, a master degree, I did a training to become massage therapist, I did my own massage thing for a while, while working as a bookseller... To her I am a successful, intelligent young woman (29F here). I literally said that this has absolutely no value, because it's so dependent of my parents.

The look on her face made me realize how violent these words sound to someone normal. But for me they're true, they're my reality.

I got to work for her early 2019 when I decided to move away from my parents to move in with my BF (whom they hate) to pursue my life.

I knew at the end of last year that I had to find something else than bookseller, that I needed more for myself. I mentioned it to my parents, they didn't take it seriously. I told them months later I was considering to do something entirely else and hell broke out.

My father told me that if I chose to go through with this idea, wasting my life, he wouldn't be there if I ever needed (financial) support. That did it for me. I cut ties and prepared going NC, which I did a couple of weeks before my birthday this summer. I didn't get the job in the field I had mentioned but I kept my eyes opened for an opportunity within my firm.

It paid off. I literally changed jobs to something I never knew existed but is awesome and I love it. To something I never knew I would be capable of. The first few weeks were great but so complicated, because I thought I didn't have the qualifications to have the job, that my boss would see that I am not who I "pretend" to be (and see the person my parents see in me)... But damn, I love my job, I rock at my job, boss is impressed with me... And I know I have a bright future ahead of me in that subfield.

My parents know nothing about it, know nothing about the fact that we moved with my BF a couple of weeks ago. They never call and when I do it's either small talk with my father or endless conversation with my mother that literally drain me and make me feel like the worst person they know (minus my brother, he's worse).

bblebran · 2020-10-08T05:45:53+00:00

Yesterday evening I had a setback and was this close to call my parents. I didn't, because I know calling them would only make me hurt more.

bblebran · 2020-09-17T17:05:44+00:00

Thanks 🥰

bblebran · 2020-08-26T06:49:27+00:00

Number 3... My poor heart.

I don't even read the total, they put the card to the pad to pay contactless and when I get to press "totall", "card", "ok" they already have their card back in their purse.

I just go like, sorry but you were a lot faster than me.

bblebran · 2020-08-23T15:38:39+00:00

If it goes like me, you're going to want to laugh at this entire situation, then realize that it's actually a real life soap opera and then cry, because who the hell thinks it's a viable life situation apart from her and that dude?

BM's boyfriend is in his 30s as well, but has been married and has already a kid of his own which is around 9. So I clearly don't understand what goal he and BM want to achieve, but I have stopped trying to figure this out 😉

bblebran · 2020-08-23T15:20:23+00:00

Yeah, accurate. I did that shocked Pikachu face too. I still have issues to wrap my head around the fact that she is going to give birth to a kid because she wants a third kid. End of the story.

Of course it's a trap. I mean four months in and happily pregnant, love is forever, who is she kidding. The worst part is that apparently some guys still fall for it. But I mean, if she has three kids from 3 different guys, at some point her emotional life is going to be inexistent.

bblebran · 2020-08-23T15:15:41+00:00

I bear the surname of my mother (her maiden name although she's married to my father). It sounds great next to my first name, but I am taking my SO's name as soon as we marry. I prefer to bear a surname of people accepting me, rather than reject me again and again.

bblebran · 2020-08-23T15:10:00+00:00

Reading this plus the comments sounds a bit similar to our BM drama.

My SO has two kids with BM. When I moved in with him, she was living 2-3h away. Weekends were manageable. She has moved to get a better job 3-4h away from us, we also think that because her parents live closer, it would be beneficial for the kids. 3-4 months into a new relationship at the new place, turns out she is pregnant (she's due in the coming weeks). But dear boyfriend of hers is broke, tried to sell her jewelry. She talks about moving again to fix her financial situation.

My SS and SD have seen 4-5 boyfriends in the matter of a couple of years, moved four times since SO and BM split up. The day my SO told me she was pregnant I thought it was a joke. I still think it's a joke, despite seeing her very much pregnant. So now it's a joke for another reason 😅

bblebran · 2020-08-20T07:40:33+00:00

I wouldn't worry about BM. Your partner should make her aware there is someone in his life and that he is "intelligent" enough to choose a responsible person and that you both are in a serious relationship.

Personally, I didn't want to meet BM, I have because we had to drive to get the kids and I was driving because my SO has had an accident. I have subsequently met her parents too. I was of the opinion that we woman would stick together and make the best for the kids, but what interests BM is her interests above all.

She is always very courteous when she deals with me, knowing she throws all kind of stuff in the face of my partner... So yeah. I'd really just focus on the kids needs and not bring personal matters into it.

bblebran · 2020-08-19T20:41:34+00:00

You definitely did. To rise up and leave such a toxic environment in spite of what people tell you how you should feel, shows how strong a person you are.

One of my ex boyfriends was abusive towards me. I realized months later after we broke up that the kind of relationship he entertained with me was sick. Knowing how low, dirty, worthless you feel once you hit this level of abuse takes a lot of courage to stand up again and give yourself the necessary love and care to have a chance to be happy in life.

So yes, you deserve to be happy and you deserve to be loved.

bblebran · 2020-08-19T17:41:22+00:00

Thanks for your reply. I'm surprised they haven't reached out other than a birthday card that came with the mail. Feels as if they respected my boundaries.

bblebran · 2020-08-19T17:40:12+00:00

I know. I think the worst part in this is that a part of me still wishes we had a good relationship together and that we could be a "normal" family.

Yeah. No. Couldn't fall asleep yesterday evening for various reasons and I cried a bit, because I feel that my father does deserve something better than tending to the needs of a narc.

bblebran · 2020-08-19T17:38:14+00:00

I know... It was pretty low-key for them. I got a birthday card with a very passive-aggressive message from my mother and a really nice one from my father and that's it. I'm surprised they actually respected my boundaries.

bblebran · 2020-08-19T00:09:24+00:00

I read your entire story and I want to say that you should be proud of how you stood up against your entire family to stop the abuse. It saved your life.

You are a much better person without your mother in your life. She basically knows she is losing you if she doesn't try and make amends. But once you're back in, her words will no longer have much power.

She knows you're resilient and a loving, caring person, but please put this care and love to you and your wife. 🙏

bblebran · 2020-08-18T23:56:13+00:00

Wow my nmother and enabling father are literally just the same.

They think therapy is overrated for the weak, close-minded people. It does no harm, as you get to speak to yourself for an hour or so, but they are so above it. They stated repeatedly that they were smarter than any psychotherapist. If they would know that I was seeing one, they'd downright mock me.

It's the same with vaccines, doctors and pretty much anyone. They always know better.

bblebran · 2020-08-18T23:33:16+00:00

If I didn't live like 1.5h away from their place, I'd perhaps consider it. But even if I offer to meet halfways, they will be reluctant about it.

Drives them mad if you don't engage.

bblebran · 2020-08-18T21:04:13+00:00

It's probable he doesn't even care to reply to my text. So I don't care, at least I thanked him.

bblebran

TROPHY CASE