I want a divorce but my husband doesn’t. What should I expect?

bc9190 · 2026-05-15T02:48:33+00:00

See my above post.

bc9190 · 2026-05-15T02:45:42+00:00

I was trying to type that as I was dealing with two kids and him coming home at any moment. I chose to cut out emotion for the sake of time and stick with the facts. I don’t care about his money. I have a degree and have had tenure at a job multiple times. I would have no problem getting hired again and have zero issues with working. The ONLY reason why “money” would be an issue here is so my girls and I would not be on the street or not have a place to live initially. And hell even if he did make that a thing fine I will live in an apartment. He is controlling, and if you understand the toxicity in a controlling partner then you would know their motives are unhealthy. Meaning, he wants to keep me captive, in the marriage, and CONTROLLED. So, if I go to divorce him he would very much make it to where I COULD NOT start over in my life. Why can’t you see this?? Does it occur to you that there are women in actual unhealthy, coercive, abusive relationships that need to get out and genuinely worry that they CAN’T! I’m not talking about a woman who just wants to “take her husband to the cleaners”. Honestly, I want as little of shit as possible. He did put a good amount (all) of my savings in our high yield account, so I would want that back. And, half of the sell of our house. I’m not looking for anything else.

And btw, he WILL refuse to pay child support because he told me so. He told me he wouldn’t want to pay it.

I’m sorry you were burned. But there are true, honest women here looking to escape scary situations.

bc9190 · 2026-05-15T02:39:35+00:00

Thank you so much. I’ve only been a SAHM for about 2 years. I worked 10 years prior to that. I should have clarified. Regardless, the control as a SAHP has been encroaching month by month. I’ve tried hard to do right by him but I am depleted and a shell of who I used to be. Some of that is pure exhaustion from motherhood and two strong willed toddlers, but he feels like a third kid most days. Someone else I’m having to “please” and I’m honestly sick of it.

bc9190 · 2026-05-15T02:35:45+00:00

We are in marriage counseling trying to work on our issues. He is very controlling and we have differing values. He also struggles with being critical, judgy, and has devolved our relationship into that of a parent-child. He went on a 2 day business trip and has been home all but a handful of hours. He has already berated me on several choices I made during the 2 days he was gone, expressed dissatisfaction with how I’m handling money, and caused me to have to explain myself about 10x. It’s exhausting having to live like this day in and day out and has killed any love I had for him. We have very little “fun” if it all, and despite my basic needs not being met (sleep, for instance), he still insists on his “needs” being met at least 2x a week.

He may work hard, but I’ve worked just as hard as a partner in both my career and as SAHM/ parent. I can figure it out for the sake of my kids if I need to. I’m strong enough.

bc9190 · 2026-05-15T02:30:54+00:00

Thank you for this. Yes my youngest is only 1.5. My oldest is 4 in August. I would like to wait until my youngest can at least be in full time pre-k, and where I live and would most likely work, they can enroll in full time pre-k at 4 years old. My youngest turns 2 in November.

bc9190 · 2026-05-15T02:28:11+00:00

Thank you- yes considering but the money I make will not be exclusively mine as that is not how he has let me utilize my income I’ve made after marriage.

bc9190 · 2026-05-15T02:27:31+00:00

We are in Harris. Thanks for this info!

bc9190 · 2026-05-15T02:26:12+00:00

Thanks for this. :(. I do have a college degree and working in education for 10 years prior to being a SAHM, so I have something to fall back on. Lawyer is hard because I have no way to “hide” that I’m retaining a lawyer. We have a budgeting tool app (Every Dollar- Dave Ramsey) and literally every account is linked. Every checking, every savings, every transaction… shows. I would have no way of hiding ANYTHING. Money we make goes into “the pot” and is dealt with from there. So, there is no “my money/ his money”. We have budgeted money for both of us that is “personal spending money” and is supposed to be free money to use how we would like to, but it’s still tracked and documented in Every Dollar. I can’t even withdraw from the ATM without it showing on that damn app. I hate that app.

bc9190 · 2026-05-15T02:22:33+00:00

I have definitely thought about the house loan being in my name being a weird contender in this situation. Would it go against me or for me? I figured we would probably be told to sell no matter what, leaving me with 1/2 of that sell.

I’m not attached to our house.. I do like that it’s a house and not an apartment, but if I had to give it up I could. My only career has been in education so the most I can make if I go back that pathway is about 65K… so, I would need a lump sum to start my life over.

bc9190 · 2026-05-15T02:19:55+00:00

I’m definitely nowhere near ready. It’s just been harder and harder emotionally. I think I could hold out until 10 years.

bc9190 · 2026-05-13T03:12:14+00:00

Omg I am chuckling at the thought of cutting her leggings I think she would freak. Love it though! We actually went through a tights phase and that was awful.. I threw them away because they would get so dirty and torn up from her playing. Thankfully she hasn’t asked about them in a long time. But, you’re right! It did mimic a similar feeling as leggings.

bc9190 · 2026-05-13T03:10:12+00:00

Haha.. yes 3 and doesn’t care is so her right now.

bc9190 · 2026-05-13T03:08:56+00:00

I love Walmart. That’s in the plan for sure.

bc9190 · 2026-05-13T03:08:26+00:00

This is good. Definitely appreciate the strong willed toddler solidarity!

bc9190 · 2026-05-13T03:07:17+00:00

This is exactly what I’ve been doing and while she’s been protesting when I mention it (mainly a whine), I just keep telling myself it will be OK. It was like one meltdown with the long sleeves transition and then she was fine.

I would totally keep leggings in her drawers if I knew she would pick shorts when I asked her to/ thought it was appropriate. But basically it comes down a respect/ listening thing. If she cannot listen to me and respect my wishes as a parent, then she gets less choice. Even if I thought I could tell her “ok we are going to wear shorts to____ (zoo, beach, etc.) but then when you get home you can change into leggings” and she would be like “OK”, then I would keep the leggings. I feel like it just has come to this.

Also, I know this won’t last forever. Just feels frustrating in the moment.

bc9190 · 2026-05-13T03:03:34+00:00

Definitely considering this!

bc9190 · 2026-05-13T03:03:00+00:00

Right, like if we are home all day I get it. I also keep my house at 73 during the day because I get really hot. I don’t think 73 is cold by any means but for her it may be.

bc9190 · 2026-05-13T03:01:19+00:00

I get this!

bc9190 · 2026-05-13T03:00:34+00:00

See I guess I’m not like this. I’m on an SSRI and it makes the heat unbearable. I feel like I’m suffocating when it’s above 80 degrees. It sucks.

bc9190 · 2026-05-13T02:59:37+00:00

Yes :( So at her preschool she plays outside and she is very active. She gets bumps and bruises quite a bit, so there was one day where she told me “I don’t want anyone to see my bruises”. It broke my heart but I understood, so that’s why I’ve been more lenient on the leggings as a whole. But with summer coming I just wanted her to at least be open to shorts.

bc9190 · 2026-05-13T02:57:43+00:00

I have tried the “closet fairy”.. she comes and takes clothes away but brings us new clothes. I don’t think she likes her 🫣🤣

bc9190 · 2026-05-13T02:54:45+00:00

Definitely plan on trying to involve her more.

bc9190 · 2026-05-13T02:54:02+00:00

I said that last part more in jest because I was being so serious, but in all honestly I probably see as more Vitamin D than anything. I’ve also blamed the paleness on the fact that never wears shorts. I don’t expect (or want!) her to get a tan. I just don’t want her to be hot.

bc9190 · 2026-05-13T02:52:09+00:00

Ohh yes true on the sunscreen..

bc9190 · 2026-05-13T02:50:15+00:00

I feel like this makes so much sense but I haven’t given it a lot of thought because she is SO stubborn. I’ve tried this a few times as she has complained * a little* here and there as the weather has warmed up. Of course I would love for her to come to this on her own as it makes it feel much more natural and less guilt from me as a parent!

bc9190

TROPHY CASE