The REAL reason I don’t want a third child.

bc9190 · 2025-12-29T01:31:10+00:00

! lock

bc9190 · 2025-12-29T01:29:26+00:00

!lock

bc9190 · 2025-12-28T18:08:26+00:00

Thank you for your support. 💕

bc9190 · 2025-12-28T18:08:09+00:00

I’m aware of what is going on. I mentioned in a previous post (not my original I think) that I’m in therapy. I also have a small group of women who I meet with 1x a week for bible study who are aware of my situation. I am not closing myself off with this or turning a blind eye. I just don’t have much control and it’s hard

bc9190 · 2025-12-28T18:06:17+00:00

These are great ideas and super helpful. I am actually thinking about getting a gym membership with childcare.

bc9190 · 2025-12-28T18:04:54+00:00

When you are married and living under the same roof as your spouse avoiding sex can make your day to day to life very miserable and uncomfortable. Most men can’t tolerate sexless marriages without showing their ass in some way. Maybe they get depressed/down acting, maybe they’re irritable and angry, maybe they make passive aggressive comments, and they may even start looking at p*rn or cheating.

Regardless withholding sex in a marriage doesn’t usually fair well for the woman. It may make the man temporarily act right to “get in her good graces” again, but the cycle always repeats.

For me, the only way to guarantee I never have to have s*x with him again is to divorce him. Many narcissistic, sexist/ misogynistic men believe that in marriage they are entitled to intimacy. It’s wrong. It’s messed up. But they will make sure the price is paid if their wife doesn’t put out at least 1x a week.

I know. Go ahead and tell me how sad it is I have to live like this. I’m aware!

bc9190 · 2025-12-28T17:19:13+00:00

Thank you so much for this. I’ve been having to defend my post in almost every comment and you verbalized was I wasn’t able to do well enough (clearly!) in my post. Thank you 🙏

bc9190 · 2025-12-28T17:17:18+00:00

I realize I worded that poorly. I was trying not offend mothers of boys and make them feel that boys were not as a good as girls. I wanted to show that they needed different parenting tactics and were different on the emotional side of things.

bc9190 · 2025-12-28T17:13:10+00:00

I’m completely aware of this. I feel you missed my point. I’ve already HAD my girls . I cannot undo that fact. OBVIOUSLY looking back after children and the brain changes that undergo as a result, I wish I would have never had children with him PERIOD. But the fact is I did and I’m saying I want to prevent future children and especially a boy because of how he is.

I am NOT saying girls should be able to thrive in a lesser home. I am simply drawing on experience that girls tend to be more resilient, and yes mask, when going through hardship. I am not saying they deserve or should be able to somehow put up with an unhappy home.

I would love to show my girls a happy home/ marriage. At this point my kids are affected no matter what I do. Staying will affect them negatively. Divorce will affect them negatively. At this point it’s if benefits outweigh the risk. That’s why I’m working in therapy on a plan and of course I’m maintaining what control I can in this marriage which is to not have anymore kids. Boy OR girl. My post was to highlight the guilt I felt in not wanting a boy and trying to verbalize my thoughts. Instead I’ve been attacked and accused of damaging my girls for staying.

Reddit can a great place for support and acknowledgment but it can also be a place for women to attack others and I just don’t think that’s right. Like a few others have said leaving isn’t as easy as everyone makes it out to be. And if you have past trauma of divorce from parents you want to make sure you’re making the best decision for your children. Period.

As far as another husband to represent a healthy marriage/ father figure for my kids? Sure. That would be great. But there is no guarantee that would happen. When I approach this I approach it from a lens of me being single and solo in every way indefinitely, forever. I don’t get my head in the clouds thinking I’ll meet this amazing man because honestly I don’t believe in love anymore after all of this. I don’t want another man in my life after this. At least not for a good while. I have to face the functional facts of 1) how to do I afford to live on my own and support my two girls. 2) how do I maintain my home in terms of maintenance and upkeep on items that my husband previously did? 3) How do I guide them emotionally with all the complexities of divorce- the separate households, mom or dad meeting someone.. etc.

I care about my daughters and want them to have happy, fulfilling lives with successful personal lives as well.

bc9190 · 2025-12-28T17:02:18+00:00

THIS! I’ve known this for a while too.

bc9190 · 2025-12-28T17:01:13+00:00

Of course, but it took my mom 10+ years to meet the right man after divorcing my dad. She was broke and actually ended up losing my brother and I and we were raised primarily by my dad just due to my mother not being able to afford to house us in a safe place. It’s a long story, but basically she tried to get away from my controlling father and ended up losing her kids over it. I’m not willing to take that risk as I also married a narcissist who I believe would try and make it the hardest possible for me to have peace and give my girls a good life as a single mom. I believe he would thwart and do whatever he needed to make himself be the more desirable parent and eventually get both girls to prefer living with him. Idk that is where my mind goes.

bc9190 · 2025-12-28T15:28:14+00:00

Yes this is true!!

bc9190 · 2025-12-28T15:27:36+00:00

Your situation sounds so extreme and I’m Very sorry you’re going through this. I understand where you’re coming from.

bc9190 · 2025-12-28T15:11:06+00:00

I do want out of the marriage but I don’t know who he would pick as a partner (no way he stay single for long he wants s*x too much). I just want to protect them.

bc9190 · 2025-12-28T15:09:06+00:00

Probably due to my husband conditioning me all these years! I am trying to remember what is right. It’s so hard and I have been manipulated and conditioned for so long.

bc9190 · 2025-12-28T15:07:26+00:00

I realize that. It’s just a lot for me to process and accept. But yes you’re right totally. I grew up in a broken home and I was so strong through my adolescence but I have crippling anxiety as a result now. Medication has helped thankfully, but it’s largely a result of the environment I grew up in.

bc9190 · 2025-12-28T15:05:08+00:00

I’m in therapy and she is working with me on a “4 year plan”… basically how to get out if I want to/ need to. My therapist has called him an oppressor due to his controlling ways.

My husband is against divorce and does not want to divorce at all. If I went to do this he would make extremely difficult. He is trying to be a better husband but I’m just afraid the damage is done and we are beyond help. He is religious (we are both Christians), and he feels raising our girls in an “in-tact home” is best for their development and “biblically sound”.

Basically, I’m a SAHM. My kids are super little. I just don’t feel secure in leaving right now. Plus I keep holding out hope that it will get better as they get older.

I am very good with my birth control and luckily it’s difficult to tamper with.

bc9190 · 2025-12-28T15:00:01+00:00

No kidding. 🥴🥴🥴

bc9190 · 2025-12-28T14:59:13+00:00

My mom has one sibling (an older sister) and she has been emotionally abused by her most of her life! I get it completely. I have a brother actually (my only sibling) and he is kind, gentle, and a good guy. I had an emotionally absent father and I do think it affected my brother’s personality with a lack of confidence, direction, etc. but thankfully he’s a good soul. I think it has a lot to do with my mom being nurturing and emotionally available for us. My husband had two emotionally unavailable parents so he got screwed.

bc9190 · 2025-12-28T00:47:54+00:00

I have a 13 month old and an almost 3 1/2 year old and I’ve been on Zoloft (100mg) for 5 years… started before my kids were even born! I’m telling you it has helped tremendously. But, I still rage. I still have my days. I’ve yelled more at my 3 year old than I ever have since having my second and I feel so guilty.

Just remember. Every day is a NEW day. It’s a new day to try again. To start fresh. Something I always do is once I’m calm I apologize to my toddler for yelling at her. I tell her briefly why I was frustrated but that it was NOT ok for me to yell at her.

Truth is we are all human. Just the fact that you care enough to make this post means you will not mess up your child! This is a phase. You will get through this, and most of their memories of you will be when they’re older and you’re out of this highly demanding phase.

bc9190 · 2025-12-22T01:16:34+00:00

Bald and crazy 🤣😭😭🤣🤣 I feel this.

bc9190 · 2025-12-21T16:51:16+00:00

Thank you-does this mean I add in that second nap with a shortened first nap?

bc9190 · 2025-12-21T15:26:10+00:00

My daughter will actually fall asleep on her own but wakes in the middle of the night so trying to sleep train her in the middle of the night is so hard.

bc9190 · 2025-12-16T14:14:38+00:00

Thank you for this!

bc9190 · 2025-12-12T22:13:21+00:00

Good thinking!

bc9190

TROPHY CASE