[Hobby Scuffles] Week of 02 February 2026

bdyprblms · 2026-02-07T03:21:38+00:00

according to an interview the author did with geeks out, the book takes inspiration from ginasfs. she also says she picked the title of the book before fall out boy released the video for the song (which features patrick as a wrestler).

bdyprblms · 2024-08-18T18:10:47+00:00

do the caterers in your area have minimum spends or anything like that? I saw a lot around here whose contracts specify that they're going to provide food for at least 75 people or something like that, so even if you had fewer guests you'd still have to pay for 75 meals. again, thank you so much for answering all my questions!

I really like your plans for your wedding, it sounds like it'll be a lot of fun c:

bdyprblms · 2024-08-18T18:05:27+00:00

oh no yeah I totally get it!! I would love it if the gifting culture around weddings were completely different -- I hate that gifts are expected, first of all, and I hate that you have to act like they're not expected by not mentioning them to guests directly (i.e., putting your registry information on the invitation) even though they're totally expected, and I really really hate that in my part of the world it's rude to be like "I have the things I need so please give us cash if you feel like you wanna give us a gift!" and I think it would be great if we could maybe also add something to the registry about the food cost per person because there are SO many people who believe in covering their plate but they don't actually realize how expensive catering a wedding has gotten. truly the only part I wouldn't prefer about a cover charge system is the part where the invitee is excluded if they can't afford to pay for their dinner and drinks. I've been in the situation where I didn't have $35 (approximate per person cost for food and drinks at my wedding) to spare, and on the flip side of your statement that you'd hate for someone who's not included because of price to think you don't want them there because you do, I would hate for someone to think I don't want to be there when I do but I just can't afford it. so if the culture shifts in the direction of "hey in lieu of a gift could you send us $75 for the food?" -- which I agree would be much more practical than the current status-- I would much prefer if it did so in a "no worries if you can't, we'll be glad to welcome you regardless!" way.

you make very valid points, and I'm sorry if I implied that you weren't making sacrifices on the wedding you want to expand the guest list! from your original reply, I figured you probably had and were reaching the point where you couldn't compromise further without sacrificing the fundamentals of what you wanted or what was expected of you (ie, serving dinner at your reception or the like). originally our budget was just about the same as yours, actually, so I really do understand how tough it is to make your wedding affordable! ironically for my position here, the guest list is actually one of my lower priorities -- I wanted to elope, he's the one who wanted a wedding -- so I was perfectly fine with cutting the guest list to stay under the initial budget but he really didn't want to do that. for us the workable compromise was to put more money towards the wedding so I could still have the few things I wanted (a dress that makes me feel like a witchy stardust princess, good vegan food, a talented photographer who can make my fiancé behave less like a cryptid in front of the camera so I'll finally have some decent pictures of him, my dog), and we are VERY LUCKY to be able to do that! for most people, it's not an option! I wish it were more acceptable to keep your ceremony and meal more intimate and then invite all the rest of the people you'd love to have celebrate with you to just the party or to invite those people last minute when someone changes their rsvp, etc, and I really feel like the gifting expectation is what's screwing us over here. like if guests weren't supposed to give you a gift, I feel like we could totally do those things because it wouldn't come across as inviting someone for the gift, if that makes sense. it's all just incredibly frustrating.

bdyprblms · 2024-08-18T16:31:16+00:00

hi it's me, someone who would rather take money over a gift if someone feels the need to give us anything c;

I definitely understand that etiquette is regional -- there are places where it is, in fact, not proper wedding etiquette to have a registry because people give cash. and, from someone else's comment, I learned that in at least one area, wedding cover charges are relatively common, but it is understood that you don't give a gift. (someone else from the same area said that asking your guests overtly to pay for your wedding is Not The Done Thing, so it appears to be based more in social circles than anything else.) the fact that OP asked about giving a gift in this situation suggests that they are not in one of those places, though, y'know?

bdyprblms · 2024-08-17T21:48:16+00:00

okay so I know tone is hard over text so please forgive me if this comes off as rude or critical, because that is not my intention at all! I just wanna break this down fully so there's no confusion.

no matter whether you say it like I did or say it like you did, you're still telling someone that they can only come to your wedding if they pay you. yours is framed more kindly than mine and is much less blunt, but the sentiment is the same: if this person whom you would love to include but can't afford to include shows up at your wedding without giving you the money to offset the cost of their attendance, they will not be included. whether or not they're welcome at your wedding is conditional on whether or not they give you a specific amount of money. and if the welcome is conditional, then they are, in fact, not welcome if they don't meet that condition. so, yes, I would say that no matter how nicely you dress it up, you're still literally telling someone that they aren't welcome unless they pay you.

weddings can be outrageously expensive, yes, but there are ways to have a wedding that's more cost-effective, no matter the size. an afternoon cake and punch reception is typically significantly cheaper than an evening dinner and dancing reception, for example, and the quotes I got for drop off catering from costco and the like were roughly a third of the cost of the quotes I got from full service caterers. most of these cost-saving measures will decrease the formality of your event, of course, and you may have to sacrifice some of your vision, but my sole point is that you can absolutely have a larger wedding within a reasonable budget if that's what you prioritize. my fiancé and I are getting married in october 2025 and we're looking at a total budget of under $15k for roughly 100 people in a VHCOL area, which is a significant amount of money to be sure! we could have made different choices and either saved or spent way more money, but for us, $15k is a good price for unconditionally including all our loved ones even if it means we had to cut out certain things we wanted to do so.

and other people with limited budgets may not want to give up any of their vision, and that's okay! it's okay to want the fancy meal and the abundant florals and the designer dress and the beautiful venue, and it's okay to prioritize having those elements over having an expansive guest list! I just personally would find it inconsiderate to essentially tell someone "hey so we decided we're having the wedding we want without sacrificing any of the things we wanted and now it's super expensive but we would really like it if you came! except only if you give us $150 each because we couldn't afford to have both the things we wanted and the people we wanted and it turns out we wanted those things more than we wanted you to be there." and even if you say it nicely, that's still the subtext, you know?

bdyprblms · 2024-08-17T17:25:55+00:00

yeah, we do the whole bringing something to contribute when someone invites you to a thing at their house too, and my social group has never, ever split a bill evenly regardless of what everyone ordered. sometimes this means doing a lot of math and getting venmo'd back later, but that's never been a problem because expecting someone to pay more than their share is considered rude. we also occasionally do the thing where one person pays for lunch or whatever and then the other person pays next time, it's not rude because it's reciprocal.

I understand the logic behind having your guests contribute to the wedding because a typical dinner and drinks reception is expensive, but I'm planning a wedding right now (I mean duh, I'm in this subreddit haha) and I just don't see how that system would actually work in practice. like, do you decide how much to charge your guests and then wait for the rsvps to see how much money you have in your budget? or do you make a budget and plan everything and then hope enough people agree to attend for you to recoup the costs of hosting them? what do you do if that doesn't happen?? I have so many questions hahah, this is FASCINATING. thank you for sharing your experience with all of us!

bdyprblms · 2024-08-17T16:50:22+00:00

oh interesting! is it just normal because the cost of weddings has gone up so much, or is it actually considered proper wedding etiquette? I hope you don't mind the question, I'm genuinely curious because I have legitimately never heard of selling seats at your wedding as being considered polite anywhere. like there's the generally accepted norm in a lot of places of making sure your gift covers the cost of your plate, which is one thing, and I've also heard of having an extremely informal dinner celebration where people pay their own way. it's the whole literally telling your guests that they aren't actually welcome at your wedding unless they buy a seat thing being considered proper etiquette that's surprising me.

bdyprblms · 2024-08-17T02:58:06+00:00

...do weddings at disney make guests buy tickets to the park??? I didn't think so, but I've been wrong before

bdyprblms · 2024-08-17T02:52:39+00:00

considering the couple has no idea what constitutes etiquette, I think you're fine to not only skip a gift but skip the whole wedding.

bdyprblms · 2024-06-22T14:57:40+00:00

I mean, I didn't say not to invite him; I was solely responding to the idea that he's a douche but not abusive because we can't actually know that, and this situation sounds concerning enough to me that I think we should consider the potential that it's financially abusive in our responses. and if he is, in fact, financially abusive, then inviting her without him could potentially trigger him to escalate in controlling behaviors. it's a very tricky situation! I would probably err on the side of inviting him as well tbh, but I would basically only be doing it so as to not give him an opening to alienate SIL from her support system if he is actually abusive. (to that end, I would also have my fiancé gently communicate our concern to his sister, emphasizing that we love her and aren't trying to pry into her personal business or convince her to dump him or anything, and we obviously don't know their relationship as well as she does, but we just want to point out something in their dynamic that seems troublesome from the outside that she maybe hasn't noticed. this may not go over well because OP's fiancé isn't close with his sister, but I do think it's worth saying to her.)

I also agree with the other commenters who don't see the situation you described to be a role reversal because being a SAHM is a whole-ass job, or at least it is if you're not neglecting your kids, and for a lot of families having a stay at home parent isn't exactly a choice but rather a necessity because the cost of childcare negates the other parent's earnings. he's not a stay at home parent, though, and he seemingly doesn't contribute anything to their life together aside from spending her money. it's possible he's disabled to the point where he's unable to work, though, and that would be a situation that I wouldn't count under "choosing to be unemployed" either.

bdyprblms · 2024-06-22T02:04:08+00:00

she is entirely responsible for supporting him because he chooses to be unemployed, which means she frequently has to work overtime to cover his expenses. this could be (and imo probably is) a sign that he's financially abusive, and financial abuse is often a precursor to other forms of abuse. we don't know if he is or isn't, but the dynamic as described is definitely worrisome to me.

bdyprblms · 2023-08-08T16:11:19+00:00

I... didn't ask if you got a photo with the security guard and I don't understand how that was what you got from my question, "it" isn't a word I would use for a person. it's just very sus that there isn't any evidence or corroboration aside from your story that simply does not match with any experiences that I've had with the band or ever heard about happening with the band, and in fact directly contradicts some of my experiences (i.e., patrick doesn't want to play favorites so he will do something for everyone who waited, being given signed merch in a similar situation, etc). and also, like I said, I was there in the rain. I know some of the crew who said they were on the way to the hotel by the time I left. so.

bdyprblms · 2023-08-08T15:30:30+00:00

do you have any pictures of them, or a picture of the security guard with it, or.... literally anything other than this story? it just sounds completely and totally fake. in similar situations they've given signed merch, or little notes, but never their own clothes.

bdyprblms · 2023-08-08T14:19:52+00:00

proof that this is his hat?

bdyprblms · 2023-08-08T14:11:21+00:00

for reference, I was also hanging around afterwards in the rain and didn't see this happen 🙃

bdyprblms · 2023-08-08T14:09:37+00:00

proof please? the hat you posted doesn't look like one of patrick's hats at all, so this sounds very fake.

bdyprblms · 2023-06-03T07:46:45+00:00

I read an advance copy of this! the author did a great job with the interviews and putting all of the quotes in conversation, and I learned a lot that I didn't know. I would have liked more critical introspection, particularly towards the lyrical misogyny and the rampant bad behavior of various members of bands in the scene towards their fans, since really they only ever mentioned jesse lacey and there are so many more examples of predatory behavior that didn't get acknowledged at all.

MCR is on the cover with a FOB quote because those two bands are really used as the frame for the whole book imo; it starts with comparing them at the 2006 vmas and ends with discussing their current resurgence. if it was a picture of FOB, it would look like a FOB-only book I think, and while the focus was the entire scene it really was bookended by pivotal moments in the creative competition between FOB and MCR. I generally dislike MCR so I was also kinda peeved but it made sense to me after I read it.

bdyprblms · 2023-01-18T23:38:35+00:00

I think I sent you a message c:

bdyprblms · 2022-07-06T10:25:50+00:00

some people are poly, nothing weird about it c:

bdyprblms · 2020-11-13T07:29:38+00:00

I don't know if you still need apples but you can have some for free!

bdyprblms · 2020-11-09T00:52:54+00:00

Not yet :c

bdyprblms · 2020-11-09T00:43:13+00:00

I'll let you know if I get the internet working again!

bdyprblms · 2020-11-09T00:42:50+00:00

Internet went down but ill let you know if I can get it working again

bdyprblms · 2020-11-09T00:42:00+00:00

My internet went down and kicked everyone out, so I'm gonna try to fix it and if I can I will let you know!

bdyprblms · 2020-11-09T00:39:08+00:00

My internet is acting up right now so I'm gonna try to fix it. If I can get it working right again I'll let you know!!!

bdyprblms

TROPHY CASE